Get Him Ticked Off... It Really Gets His Goat

from: The Master Of Castration

I cut off their goat-nads, dip them in virgin castor oil, and say a few magic words over their freshly severed testicles, trying not to look at how sadly their scrotums sag with no balls in them at all. Its amazing how much blood a quick slice from a super sharp utility knife slice can produce, on a good day, I can run thru a whole list of goat posties, hitting REPLY, POSTING scathing comments, and grabbing their nuts with one hand, slashing the scrotal vein WIDE OPEN with a single stroke of the blade.

Their jewels were hung by the fire like motley castanets, trying to dry out fast enough to be used as percussion intruments in the next big Hootenanny Flambeau Celebration.

Sadly, most webgoats have horribly undernourished genitals, its kind of pathetic seeing how SMALL and LIGHTWEIGHT their balls are. They have no substance, no bulk, no massively bulging thickness like my mine do. If you look at my testicles closely, holding them in the palm of your hand, you can almost feel the power throbbing inside of them. They have a tendency to swell up when handled. See how nice and supple the scrotal sack feels, its soft, like a high dollar chamois cloth, perfect for massaging medicine balls and chromed jack shafts, like the government uses.

Now look at the webgoat's hangers... gently lift them... tilt them back and look at the soft underbelly... COVERED with Purple Rocky Mountain Shit Ticks, there are so many ticks attached, its like a big glob of infected gooseberries. Just do this:

(Popeye-X gouges the utility knife DEEP into the folds of webgoat's gonads.)

See that yellow liquid squirting out? That's PUS, from all the ticks. It builds up for months inside the ticks' natural colostomy glands, it gets so diseased and infected, I'm surpized they don't get blood poisoning.

And the SMELL!!!! Ewwww, I swear, the PUS in webgoat's scrotum reeks, it smells like rotted caviar. When they get like this, there's only one thing left to do...

(Popeye-X grimmaces as he picks up a claw hammer and pounds webgoat's balls with the sharp end. Ticks start popping like flashcubes.)

You gotta just keep after them until all the PUS and BLOOD squirts out. Then you do this:

(Popeye-X winces as he picks up a pneumatic nail gun and pumps 30 to 40 galvanized nails into webgoat's dick and balls, attaching them to a fence post in the style of the hobnail boots used by the Armenian infantry in the First World War. Every square inch of flesh has a 16D nail in it.)

That's really all you can do with it... its a shame... these could have been a nice set of castinets if webgoat wasn't such a spineless jackwad scavenger breed. You never see coyotes with balls any bigger than fishing lures, either.

(Popeye-X takes out a huge fishing hook and hangs webgoat's "bobbers" from the end of a fishing pole. Immediately, a large horsefly flies up and steals webgoat's balls, right off the hook in mid-cast.)




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