Popeye-X Declares War

from: rodent killer deluxe

Well, I've had quite enough of this year's rodent wave. I let them slide if I'm busy with soemthing more important, like MUSIC, but even a zombie has to eat and shit once in a while, and I hear what's going on, I know who it is, I know where it is, I know when it is, I know how much it is. This ain't my first rodeo. I know the psychology of a fucking rat. I know what makes a rat tick.

This will be a bittersweet campaign, the real fun from declaring a rat war is having a cat or two along for the entertainment factor, plus their respectable rat catching skills. I like to get cats all hyped up on the "ok, its ON" aspect. For a brief period of time, there will be an applied concentration of CATCH and KILL, the reason it will be brief is because its gonig to be FAST, and its going to be TOTAL.

The Goal: KILL every motherfucking rat that even knows about this house, and kill all of their family and friends. They're all cousins anyway, usually a major rat infestation is the product of Papa and Mama Rat, sometimes there is a sideline Papa, or two, but mainly its all down to two rats who met at YOUR house, and decided to make it THEIR house. You can tell if you got the main rats yet by their SIZE. Papa will have balls bigger than his head, and Mama will have 2 rows of enlarged and recently nozzled nipples. Look at the nipples on different rats you kill. You can tell by the nipples where all the filthy fuckers are coming from. If you don't bag Mama Rat, and all her Junior Mama Rat's, then your rat problem is not going to stay solved very long.

There's usually 3 generations present in a sizable infestation. There's the 2 big Mondo "Kahunas", their kids: the "adults", and their kid's kids: the "teenagers".

The teenagers are the dumbest, they will be jumping in the traps every 5 minutes. The key is to keep the traps clean, cocked, and loaded. Don't leave a dead rat in a trap for a few hours. Rats can smell the death, keep their minds firmly on the smell and the timing of the BAIT, i. e. THE CHEESE. Its all in the cheese.

My only regret is that my partners in rat annihilation, Buddy and Babycat, got aced by an even bigger rat, Bob Cox. This is a truly awful thing for me. It goes against the grain of my whole concept. Its like Cox is trying to say, "The rats can win if they cheat, and instead of stopping them, they will stop you, and there's nothing you can do about it."

I don't accept that premise. First of all, CATS are great. RATS are fucked. Therefore, the one who is going to DIE is the one who diagrees with ME, and that means the RATS MUST DIE. Period. All of them. Especially the BIG ONES.

How can this be? I'll tell you how, its easy.


Get that thru you're fucking head, the sooner you understand that, the sooner you will encounter less conflict and turbulence as you process the information related to this house.

Why do I even mention Bob Cox? Because he's the biggest rat this house has ever seen, and he's still at LARGE. By mentioning his name in the page, it becomes search engine CHEESE, the information is designed to enhance the lure of the smell of the cheese... if you give a rat a big enough excuse, regardless of danger and traps and cats, etc. A rat WILL ALWAYS come back and try it again. ALWAYS.

The cool thing about cats is how they alert you to the presence of critters earlier than you would have noticed yourself. This gives you the drop on whichever critter you choose to get rid of.

It is an honorable thing for a person, or a cat, to lose its life in defence of its own home. Likewise, its is an honorable consequence for a rat to lose its life invading another's home.

Its all down to the timing and the smell of the CHEESE. The rat will come back, every motherfucking time.

Let the honorable slaughter begin, in commemoration of loved ones who have fallen protecting the sacred soveriegnty of this home, may every last rodent meet its rightful demise, including the really UGLY and BIG ones. Let's kill 'em by hand, face to face, and be proud of the chance to carry out our duty. No mercy for the large rodent class. Squirrels, possums, birds, and lizars will be escorted out of the house unharmed, but rats will be exterminated ON SIGHT, as will bugs. Babycat never let a bug get away scott free.



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