click this image to boil it down
5,500+ word e-mail?
from: teXt monsTer

Poor Madame .X., she's had a severe text overdose, and the abusive effects of textoxic waste have caused her DNA to metabolize a new initial. It is not known for sure if the name change is a result of a temporary psychosis brought on by Dildogian anxiety attacks, or if it is in fact, a pseudonomic declaration of solidarity with Popeye-X. Either way, we know its got to be the stuff lunacy is made of. But please, don't rush to blame this lovely lady, because it is 100% the fault of teXt monsTer, who got wired out of his skull, inadvertently wrote a 5,500+ word e-mail from scratch, and e-mailed it to this well-meaning victim of text-osterone poisoning. Madame .X. looks to be back into Madame E form very soon, but she wears that .X. very well... it does look rather good on the end of her name, doesn't it? If Dildoggie Dog sees this appeal, please call Madame .X. immediately, so she can hook up with this groove.... Rub-A-Dub Style!

2016 update:
"hey, if it was too long, then don't even read it. in fact, the date was march, 2000, yes, i still have a copy of EVERY email. let's take a look at what it said, and i'll post it HERE and prove it was literary genius going to waste on a Madame who has no right to use the X."