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from: Way-2-Kewl for Y-2-Kaye
216.198.7.130
5/23/00
12:29:33 PM
If You See Kaye, Why Owe You?
Went to Kaye-Mart, they had those cool lookin' "FUCK YOU! Motherfuckers!' placemats on sale... you know the ones? They showed two drunken cowboys laying in the dirt, next to a cactus, and a rat walked up as said, "Do y'all mind if I drink a BEE-YER?" One of the cowboys raised up on one arm, cleard his throat, and said, "Kaye-Mart shoppers... take a whiff on this!" He winced gruesomely, as he let out a butt-ripping blast, so silent, and so deadly... moving slowly downwind, horses and cattle began dropping like Bopal Barflies, one by one, all laid out in a row. Naturally, the belly in my mind told my brain, "Baked Potato & Texas toast", and that was IT!
Next thing I knew, I kind of came to, and realized I must have staggered into a steak house, knocked back a few brews, and blacked out again, finally falling face down into a huge puddle of my own puke.
"Ptooey! What's that?" (spits out tiny specks of 'yellow jello'...)
"That's your vomit, sir"...
"You're fucking full of shit!"
"No sir, that's your puke."
"Oh, yeah? What's all this other bullshit?" (spits out sprigs of 'parsley'... ptooey!)
"You're standing in front of the saladwagon at Kaye-Bob's, sir, and you just wolfed down three quart jugs of egg salad, and now you've gone and puked the whole load into the lima bean casserole, you ass-a-hole!"
"Show fugging WHAT? Leash I don't drink anymore! Wooden shoe like to see a picshure of the girlsh? Shay, can I borrow $10,000?"
Instinctively, I reached for the box of Special Kaye I always carry in my glove compartment. I'm not a cereal killer, but I had been stashing my 9mm Walther PPKaye in there for quite some time. I drew it out, chambered a round, aimed at the mayonnaise, and squeezed one off.... BLAM!!!
The Walther spoke, and 2 gallons of Thousand Island Dressing LEAPT straight up out of its plastic bucket, bounced off the fluorescent fixtures, and exploded in a burst of nugget-sized glob-clods, exposing hundreds of dogpaddling cockroaches, scurrying en masse beneath the attractive saladwagon verneer.
Like a seasoned pro, I took one step back, whipped out muh tube of Kaye-Y Jelly, hocked up a rancid clam of Limebooger cheeto-whizzz, and power-pa-tooey'd the whole mess down like it was greased lightning, them wiggly bastards didn't know whether to shit or go blind! I knew I had their little saladwagon ass, right there and then, so, pausing for dramatic effect, I delivered the coup-de-grace with a signature dollop of jalapeno/pork flavored Ben-Kaye, right on the tip. (thumps penis and winks... *w*)
Let the Circle Kaye Remain Unbroken... THAT's why I never shop at Kaye-Less for any Claymoore's... and that's a big 10-4, this Kaye-9 is outta here!
