Republican Wimmen

from: Herr.exe
4:41:29 PM

Republican Wimmen

I was involuntarily watching the Republican National Convention the other day, and I felt compelled to ask something that has been bothering me for a long time now. What the fuck is up with Republican women, anyway? Looking at Mrs. Bush, I was reminded of something: I have this sort of "Republican Woman Radar" that can spot a Republican woman from miles away. You know what it is that they all have in common? The eyes. There is something about their eyes, and it’s not a good thing. There is something… DEAD there. They are not the eyes of a regular human. They are vacant, blank, unfeeling. Like the fake eyes you buy at the fabric store and glue to a teddy bear.

When I see a woman in person with eyes like that, I feel compelled to ask: What happened to you? What horrible tragedy in your life caused you to turn against humanity and become a Republican? Because this I have found: Your major, big-time Republicans have all had something horrible happen to them in their past, the kind of stuff that just doesn’t happen to most people. You know William Bennett, the Reagan crony, "Simpsons" hater and all-around fuddy-duddy? He was considered liberal -- really -- until one night when he was invited to dinner at the house of some rich friends. He was called away on business and had to leave early. After he left, some burglar got into the house and murdered his friends. Bennett has spent the rest of his life trying to get even with society for what happened, like it’s YOUR fault and MY fault that his friends were killed.

Now, it’s my opinion that the "horrible tragedy" that happened to most Republicans is that they just couldn’t get laid when they were growing up (Case in point: Imagine Nixon trying to get laid as a teenager). They came to resent “fun” because they never had any, and misery LOVES company. So they embrace laws that are firmly anti-fun, and get off by facing the world with folded arms and a nasty frown. To me, that just seems like a fucked up way to live.

But how to explain Republican women? How do you explain a woman who embraces a political party that wants to put her back in the kitchen? That hates minorities? That would withhold both pain relief and assisted suicide from the dying? Maybe their glassed-over eyes are a sign of their own denial.

Beats the shit outta me.



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