loafing bastards

from: Ed_Zeppelin
7:13:27 PM

Oh, go ahead, smartypants. Send your lawyers. Fuck you. I've had about enough of you kids never coming to see me, threatening me with compitinsy hearings and such. You're the little fuckers who put me in here. I never would have become an old whore in the first place if I didn't need to keep food on the table. I'm not ashamed.

All your lives, I've pointed to the callouses on my knees and told you "these are my greatest gift to you." Now that I'm old and stove-up and have an epiglottis like a leather punching bag from all the dicks I had to suck to get you bastards through college, you won't even come up her to visit me. It really pisses me off. I admit that things got out of hand, but you never understood the principles I lived by.

If Hollywood hadn't got me out of that little burg and put me onstage I'd have just been another drive-by suck-off specialist, lurching down the sidewalk in stilettos with the inseam of my purple-sparkly hotpants digging into my ass, instead of so fucking rich it makes my head spin even more than usual.

That's what it takes to make it in this town. You think Willy-nilly or silly-billy, no, what was the name? ...Oh! Milli-vanilli! You think those Jamaican wannabe asswipes were up there because they impressed someone with their eloquent chordal chops? Fuck no, those dipshits would drop to their knees quicker than a head altar boy.

Nope, when I sang "I'm not that innocent" I was down to 40 peckers a day, in no particular order. (I liked doing my singing coach first thing in the morning. Really opened up my pipes.)

Yeah, there were some lean years, when the tits headed south suddenly after one particularly spirited leap onto a Producer's throbbing cudgel, and I had to truss 'em up with about half-a-football-team's worth of ace bandages. That's to be expected.

The worst was when I was caught backstage measuring ace bandages with half a football team. The pictures were in the tabloids for about a decade. I do wish I hadn't blown the photographer but in the confusion I just kept grabbing dicks and stuffing them in my face. Those particular pictures I'm kind of proud of anyway. (My forehead's not really that big, it was just the angle.)

Like I said, you want some of this, you gotta come up here and visit. You gotta act nice. You gotta act like you're proud of your mama. But not on Thursday. That's when we get fruit cup.


Your Mother, Brittney 3/12/2065



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