Summer TV Schedule

from: Ed_Zeppelin
1:01:12 PM

Gentlemen, here is the tentative schedule for sweeps week. Please feel free to add your own suggestions.

E_Z, director OFU Cable Systems

------------------------------------------- USA ch. 375 7:30 "An 8-ball anna allwell- The GW Story" Timothy Bottoms, Helen Shaver, Wally Cox as "Big G the VP" Charlton Heston as "Big Ron" hijinks on campus as a young man in shitkicker boots and embroidered satin cowboy shirts gives his dorm-mates at Yale hot-foots, wedgies and bogus stock in Arbusto Oil Co. ------------------------------------------------------------ Lifetime ch. 85 9:00 "The Ron Jeremy Special" David Hasselhoff, Tyne Daly, Jenna Jameson, Rhea Perlman, Danny Devito as "Lil Ron" Hollywood celebrities pay tribute to the disgusting fat hairy asshole who gets to fuck all manner of lithe lolitas, even up the coal-chute. Gorgeous coked-out cunts who wouldn't give you the fucking time of day suck this jerk's big dick like it was an asthma remedy and let him squirt baby-batter all over their faces. ------------------------------------------------------------ TNN ch. 298 10:00 "Ally McSqueal" Clitora Fuckhard, Courtney Cocks, Olivia Neutron Bomb, Danny Devito as "Fuckwit" Ally and anorexic pals get a hung jury. REALLY hung. ----------------------------------------------------------- TBN ch. 574 11:00 "A Very Brady Sodomy Trial" Greg finally gets the keys to the car, but learns that there is a price. ---------------------------------------------------------- CBN ch. 48 11:30 "Phil Gramm's White Christmas" Coolio, Ice-T, LL Cool J, Piddly-D, Charles Durning as "Phil," Danny Devito as "Scumbag" Noted Washington Asswipe Gramm stammers, blathers and rants about "those people" while kicking pregnant ghetto moms in the stomach and using the Constitution as a urinal. Cameo by Charlton Heston as "God" -------------------------------------------------------- TNT ch. 994 "It's a Wonderful Life pt. II, the aftermath" Jimmy Stewmac, Tara Reid, Bruce Willis, Shelly Winters as "Clarence's old jizzbag" George runs low on Prozac, gets an Uzi for Christmas, lands job at Post Office, makes "special deliveries." Clarence gets his wings, joins "mile-high-club" by fucking Donna Reed up the ass. With Danny Devito as "The headless postmaster" ----------------------------------------------------- CBD ch. 571 "Oprah presents 'The Grinch who killed Jesus" Whoopie Goldblum, Sammy Davis Jr., Sidney Derriere, Coolio, Jim Kerry, with Danny Devito as "Pompous Pilot" Santa gets whacked on Tequila and biker crank, wakes up in the wrong part of Cincinnati scared fucking shitless, babbling to gang-bangers about Dr. Seuss and the New Testament . Santa takes a cap to the skull, passers-by loot toy bag, police are blamed for "profiling" ----------------------------------------------------- RCA ch. 459 "When Pets Attack Trent Lott" Noted Washington shit-stain is attacked by Yorkies, ferrets, Siamese kittens, basset hounds, gerbils, lizards, mice, and chihuahuas, who rip the evil corrupt flesh from Trent's withered scrotum in scenes captured by Japanese tourists with camcorders. With Danny Devito as "Cackling Democrat Security Guard" --------------------------------------------------- BBZ ch. 4 "Danny Devito presents; A midget Mary Poppins" Dick Dat Dyke, Julie Assdroop, bunch o' kids 'n shit, Trent Lott as "Snowball the noballs," With Danny Devito as "The Giant" Really cute little-bitty fuckers covered in soot run around on rooftops, dance with penguins who are bigger than they are, fuck with the laws of gravity and screenwriting. Police "profile" soot-covered dwarfs as rioting worthless assholes and send several hundred rounds of teflon-coated bullets up their backsides, call curfews and cover for each other. Songs include "Shitty shitty gangbang," "Supercalifragileisticexpealohshitherecomesthefuckingpo-licebettahrunlikeamotherfucker," "Let's go fry a kike" and "Just a spoonful of mannitol gets you twenty mo' per bag." -------------------------------------------------- CSPAN ch. 750 "President's address to Congress" Lines include "Oh, this isn't 1600 Penn. Ave?" "Somebody better get me an 8-ball and a mirror or I'm gonna veto the shit out of anything you assholes send me for the next three years! Talk about 'trickle-down..." and "Y'all really should invest in awl stocks. Really. (wink, nudge, smirk) No shit, I'm tellin' ya, straight from the horse's ass. But dump it in about November o' 2004, just in case... oh, yeah, y'all be at the reflecting pool at 3:30, I'm gonna walk across. Ma daddy said I could. He's got friends, y'know. FRIENDS." ------------------------------------------------------- CBN ch.24 "Hour of Tower of Power" Pat Robertson twists the truth like a pretzel, dodges lightening bolts, takes up "love-offering" from old ladies on SSI for hip SF-based funk band. With Charlton Heston as "Omnipotent One." ------------------------------------------------------ EZN ch.943 "Ed_Zeppelin's 'typing is not writing" Self-absorbed piece of shit gets sarcastic and offended by turns. Smokes the occasional hooter and starts vendettas with other pricks about god-knows-what. Duct tape and sex are discussed, E_Z gets nagged at for spending too goddamn long on the computer. Guest host Danny Devito asks; "What are you whining about?" to which E_Z replies; "waddaya got? Oh, hold on a minute...(Coming, dear!)"



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