|
|
HOME | CONTENTS | SEARCH | POST | REPLY | NEXT | PREVIOUS | UP
from: Ed_Zeppelin
5/1/01
10:17:16 PM
172.182.107.83
Here are a few jewels;
"Manufactured by: Happy Shopper etc., Taste: Discrete hints of bat mucus intermingled with an intriguing melange of emulsion paints, combine exquisitely to give Happy Shopper mayonnaise that authentic rural chip shop flavour, beloved of so many drunken hot snack fans everywhere, who roam the post closing time streets in search of that late night mayonnaise hit. Serve them hot, and spread it thick Colour: UHU [British version of Elmer's] glue with the occasional snatched memory of sunlight reflected through a tub of congealed Vaseline Comments: 440ml of squirty white tomfoolery. An imaginative serving suggestion on the bottle featuring three pert little shrimps, a couple of wedges of lemon plus of course the ubiquitous crisp lettuce leaf, belie the fact that this condiment will only ever be used upon chips, and then only in quantities of a gallon or more by sullen unhygienic people with shell suits [colorful nylon sweatclothes] and very little concept of taste or decency. Instead of serving with a intricately arranged selection of jolly and contented marine life, the rugged plastic bottle should instead be used as a rudimentary club with which to beat your more irritating enemies slowly to death Overall: 3 out of 10 - to be kept stored behind glass strictly for the most desperate and drunken of emergencies only."
And;
"Taste: Wrong, all very wrong! Tastes like some rancid recurring Freudian nightmare, in which a haggard old witch straight from the most terrifying European folklore tales pours warm starling's guano into the ear of a week dead vole before adding emulsion paint (matte finish), runny porridge, putrid yoghurt, gnat's vomit and concentrated essence of stale cabbage. If this jar is left unlidded the smell can swiftly permeate several acres of woodland Colour: Like an albino badger caught full in the light of a slightly overcast wintery full moon whilst indulging in some disreputable activity of which it is particularly embarrassed Comments: The consistency of rancid yoghurt churned long and forcefully with wild blossom honey by a particularly misshapen Guatemalan dwarf, the full aroma of a Brazilian hockey player's jock strap combined artfully with all the character wit and charm of a Polish provincial town planner. OMay-no! Overall: 1 out of 10 - Narrowly avoiding the dreaded 0 out of 10 purely because it has a jar and a lid which can always been cleaned out and filled with something tastier. Had this been served in a bucket or a smeared on the head of small dog, nought would have been duly recorded for the first time in condiment history."
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
HOME | CONTENTS
| SEARCH | POST | REPLY | NEXT | PREVIOUS
| UP
