Smeg Ryan, babblefish and me

Smeg Ryan, babblefish and me

from: Ed_Zeppelin
7/3/01
10:20:16 PM
64.12.102.37

I don't know about you, but when I'm bored I take an article about Meg and Dennis' breakup from People.com, replace "Meg" with "Smeg," "Ryan" with "Bolton,""Dennis" with "Limpdick" "kiss" with "blowjob" ... etc. ------------------------

Smeg On Her Own

At the end of a tumultuous year that saw an end to both her marriage and a heated affair, smeg bolton celebrates a new freedom

(caption for sappy photo of Smeg Bolton;) On the set of Kate & Leopold in May, the newly single bolton "was happy, not even a little bit depressed or lonely," says costume designer Donna Zakowska. "She's moving forward." (Catuffe/Sipa)

Talk about right time, right place: Bob Chewbaca was in for one very happy surprise when he hobbled up to Onieal's bar and restaurant on April 19. A regular at the hip Manhattan hangout, the 41-year-old Off-Broadway producer -- on crutches because of a broken erection -- had just stepped inside when, from out of the din, a beautiful blonde in a skin-tight T-shirt ran up and wrapped him in a warm embrace. Seconds later, realizing that Chewbaca was not, in fact, the old friend she'd mistaken him for, she apologized and quickly backed off. In a fit of giggles she returned to her gang of girlfriends (including singers Melissa Cuntlapper and k.d. Labia), her margaritas (poured straight up in a martini glass) and a night of dancing. Chewbaca, meanwhile, made his way to the bar, sat down on a stool and coolly informed the bartender, "smeg bolton just gave me a big blowjob." Chewbaca may be telling that story for years. But for bolton, 39, the blowjob was likely less memorable -- unlike the ones she was doling out this time last year, when the British press reported that the girl-next-door star of When Hairy Meat Sally Was Sleepless in San Antonio and You've Got Male was cheating on her husband of nine years, Limpdick Quack, 47, with her Proof of Life costar Fuckface Roo-boffer, 37. Within weeks of announcing their separation on June 28, 2000, she and Quack -- whom bolton had helped see through oatmeal and penis trouble -- filed for "no more pussy privileges". And amid the media frenzy that followed, bolton's world turned upside down. She moved out of the $2.9 million Brentwood, Calif., home she had shared with Quack and their 9-year-old son Jack and into an $8.9 million Bel Air home a few miles away. She closed her production company. She saw Proof of Life bomb at the box office. And she stood by bewildered while the world stood in judgment of her. Within months she had gone from America's Sweetheart to Scarlet Woman and finally -- after reports that Roo-boffer had dumped her -- to Woman Scorned. Little wonder bolton found the attention bizarre. "I haven't thought of myself as a famous person," she told W magazine last November, "until this recent episode in my life."

But as one close friend notes, bolton was more than famous -- she was a national icon of wholesomeness. "smeg was expected to adhere to this standard that others aren't," the pal says. "Her marriage wasn't supposed to fail. So when it did, it was almost as if she failed everybody." In fact, insists the friend, bolton hadn't left Quack for Roo-boffer. That scenario, she maintains, "just has nothing to do with reality. Their marriage had had lots of problems for a long time. A big part of that was that they didn't see each other for long periods of time because of work."

----------------- Ed here. The rest just prattles on like that. So I have fun. I run it through the babblefish translator at altavista, first from English to Spanish and back, then English to German and back. Then I masturbate to the results (my comments in [brackets]);

"TIME OUT FOR SMEG- Smeg in itself in time out end of one year tumultuous that regards an end to be linked and warms up topic, smeg Bolton celebrates liberty together Kate and Leopold in May, again individually Bolton to be lucky, not correspond a little operate or single to say to correspond designer Donna Zakowska. it its shifts in front speaks from quite time, quite workstation: Bob Chewbaca was inward for a very lucky surprise, as it to the staff and the restaurant of Onieal of April 19 hobbled. in order to regulate in hangout from Manhattan of the hip, the producer had by 41-year-old off Broadway -- in muletas because of an interrupted putting up -- hardly inside was gone, as, from the diner, a beautiful blond in skin celebrations a jacket [that was "skintight T-shirt" originally!] for mentioned above executed and it surrounded it in a hot covered. [?] The seconds later that Chewbaca was not actually the old friend forming, that it confused of, apologized it with it and fast withdrawn. In an adjustment of you laugh nervously decreased/gone back to their group of fiancèes (including song singer Melissa Cuntlapper and k.d. Labia of the singers), their gaensebluemchen (even buries for mentioned above in a crystal of Martini) and one night, in order to dance. Chewbaca meanwhile formed its way to the staff, set down in a fresh bolster and informs the waiter, "Smeg right Bolton gave blowjob me, that large" [Chewbaca this history per year to count can however for Bolton, 39, blowjob its fewer memorable probable -- she desemejante it distributes outside of this time lastly year, as British press displays that asterisk of girl following door as melenuda output of meat its Sleepless in San Antonio and of you you has man would amount to in its married man of nine year, quack from Limpdick, 47, with its test of Fuckface life span to costs Roo-boffer, 37 of. Within weeks to announcing its separation from June grants privilege 28, 2000, it and to see, which Quack -- who had helped Bolton, with hardness of the oats flour and the Penis -- clasifiado for " more of cements ". and in the Frenzy of it they that it followed, in the middle do not obtain the world of Bolton gave to return the other way around. It moved from $2,9 Brentwood million, California, home it with Quack and its cat of the son 9-year-old and in an air of belio $8.9 million home-made some miles had far divided. It closed to its company of production. It saw the test of the pump of the life span in to card the office. And it did a BREAK disturbed, while the world in the judgement was stopped by it. Within the months it finally was from the love of America for the woman of the Scarlet and -- after the information gone that Roo-boffer it had not emptied -- to the woman, they did not despise few question Bolton find attention strangely "I have to think over me like famous person," them i past said to drawer of W month November, "to this again episode in my life span" however like near note of a friend, Bolton its as famous more -- them its national icon of purity one hopes that "smeg obeys to this standard the ander one its," assistant says "its link to be Like that, when he did her, it was persisted almost, as if it actually failed to all", to the friend, Bolton had not Quack to the left for Roo-boffer. That the landscape, maintains it", as soon as it has not nothing to do with reality. Its link had had sections of problems during the long time. A large section of this was that they were not seen per long period of the time, is suitable to operate." ---------------------------------- Kinda makes your head hurt, don't it?

I love the way the German makes it refer to Smeg as "it," like that crazy fuck in "Silence of the Lambs;" "It puts the lotion in the basket..." while the Latin assigns off the wall genders and pronouns willy-nilly.

21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 X 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1