Re: Mommy, what's jewelry?

from: Ed
9:22:09 AM

I hear ya. Same thing here. Damn, reading that was like being back there myself. I went through the exact same thing, only because we had to go to church 8 times a week (twice on Sunday) by the time I figured out that Jesus was a Jew I had already memorized the whole old Testament. Yeow. Then I found out the whole thing was a Jewish document! "Huh?" my little brain inquired, "How come I just learned a Jewish book by heart, BUT WE'RE NOT JEWISH?" For many years, I felt really sorry for Jewish kids because they didn't get to eat ham samwiches, and goddamn I love ham samwiches.

Then I went through the same thing you did, years of stomping my brain into submission with carefully-applied chemicals. Cut to 1984, I was working as a shipfitter in Newport, RI. I rode the bus from Providence, an hour-and-a-half each way. I made friends with a real nice intelligent black lady. We have terrific conversations. She's also a Muslim. We got to talking about the Koran and she drops THIS bombshell on me; "Sure, we believe in Jesus. He was one of our major prophets!" WHAT? Just when I figure out that its not cool to hate the Jews, but it's okay to hate the ragheads, I find out that they're christians (sort of) as well! I borrowed her Koran and sure enough, he's all over that sucker.

In that version he's a healer and holy man, and his father was a dyer of cloth. Jesus' first miracle was dying clothing different colors in the same vessel. Now, because of the difference between the development of the Koran and the crazy ass "let's throw everything on the table and have a counsel of morons put it together as a book" nature of the way the Bible was compiled, pretty well everybody agrees that the Koran is probably a lot more accurate.

I'm not any more a Moslem than I am a Christian, for exactly this reason. I don't even know WHAT to think. I know I'm not going to (1) drag my kids off to a building to moan and groan about being puny little turds to some great unseen being who can't even fix a fucking lotto ticket for me, and (2) no Santa Claus. Sorry, kid. I brought you that present and the only reindeer you'll see on the roof will be when you drop acid like your old man used to.

However, I AM going to teach them this joke;

Q: When does a black person become a "nigger?" A: When they leave the room!

(Maybe the one about the Priest and the Parrot, too. Not sure about the moral of that one, though)



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