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Arthur_Scouse
11/30/01
10:33:03 AM
172.186.96.71
*Wankershire, England 11-30-2001* Rumors abound in this dank tropical semi-paradise that Stig O'hara, longtime plank-spanker for the legendary band the Rutles, has checked out of the Rock-n-roll Hotel for good. Known as "the surly one," Stig's contributions were overshadowed by the talents of his bandmates Ron Nasty and Dirk McQuickly, who penned such classic 'ruts' as "I am the Waitress" and "Piggy in the Middle." <p> Lord Frothingbotham, former head of Rutles Corp, the Rutles' record company, said "Stig was a musician of no fixed hair style. Though many fans will still continue to throw jellybeans at him, he will be missed." <p> From the Rutles biography "All You Need Is Rut"; "Stig had hidden in the background so much that in 1969 a rumour went around that he was dead. This rumor began after he appeared on the cover of their then latest album, Shabby Road, walking across the road without trousers, and old Italian way of indicating death. <p>Stig was of course, far from dead. Although not far from London. He had fallen in bed with Gertrude Strange, a large-breasted, biologically accomodating American girl who's father had invented the limpet mine. When Stig met her it was lust at first site. They retired to his bungalow where he woke up exhausted a year later to find that Gertrude was gone, leaving only some crumbs in the bed and a lot of torn sheets. She left no forwarding address, no farewell notes, but also luckily no children.<p> Through experimentation with exotic mind-altering substances, namely tea, and eastern philosophies, Stig brought a new, confusing sound to the Rutles revolutionary album "Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band," by introducing esoteric instruments like the trombone and chainsaw to the Rutles' already chaotic signature "sound." <p>It was also during this time that he tried his hand at songwriting with "While My Guitarist Gently Sleeps" and "Here Comes My Son," which was later recorded by Frank Spaghettini and became a minor hit in Finland. <p>After the Rutles broke up in 1970, Stig moved into room #417 of the Clarriot hotel in Wankershire and no amount of prodding, cajolery or threats could make him move out, until this week when a maid found the room empty save for a mysterious note left by Stig which simply said "have gone to US for pkt. of fags, no truth to rumor that I am a Cancer."<p> Said former bandmate and Drummer Barrington Womble (Barry Wom); "Stig? Oh I don't know. I believe he had delusions of his own adequacy, but on the whole he was a twit. Never liked the little fucker. Now sod off."
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