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Ed_Zeppelin
12/12/01
8:26:03 AM
152.163.207.63
Speaking of assholes... Don't listen to that guy, Pops. Who is that Forest guy, anyway? In the National Lampoon 1964 High School Yearbook parody, the school Tinkerbell was named "Forrest." Forrest Swisher, to be exact. If you axe me, your asshole is your own business, but I'm glad you decided to share with us anyway. All we need is some namby-pamby do-gooder liberal type comin' in here spewing cautionary tales about your rectal menstruation to really get my dander up. Seems to me a couple of people around here confuse their assholes with an I/O port anyhow. I'm sure their values include the fascination with having people root around their nether organs, but that ain't the Texas way. You want to make a homemade sigmoidoscope out of a length of garden hose, some tinfoil and a maglite. Use a mirror if you have to. Don't let some hoity-toity proctologist poke around your colon with his digit, that won't prove nothing more than that he went to school in the Bay area with a bunch of heebie-jeebies who wore lacies under their lab coats and stayed up all night doing poppers and having long arguments about the existence of the mythical "anal clitoris." let me tell ya, Popeye, those guys will get you bent over a table with your pants around your ankles, fumbling around in your fundament with all manner of expensive devices and slip their pork-swords up yer ass in a heartbeat, you watch. Then they'll fucking charge you an arm and a leg doing so. You just climb on a greyhound and come out here to San Fran. We'll set you up with Madame Suppository's Repository of he-man mining equipment. Four well-oiled power-lifters will hold you down and insert things in every orifice in search of anything "hinky" in your system, checking every crook and nanny of your alimentary canal with their specially-trained probes for anything out of the ordinary. And they'll pay YOU to do it, so you win both ways. Be sure to ask for the tourist discount coupons. (You get 50% off on any tourist who catches your fancy.) Good luck.
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
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