|
|
HOME | CONTENTS | SEARCH | POST | REPLY | NEXT | PREVIOUS | UP
from: Santa Clause
12/18/01
1:54:59 AM
152.163.207.51
Remember first and foremost that Christmas is a LEGAL holiday. Again this year our prestigious northern firm of Claus, Claus, Donner, Blitzen, Comet & Cupid notes that tidings in general have fallen off 25% this season and - judging by the surly drivers and mall shoppers - goodwill toward men is at a serious low. We feel this is a result of this holiday previously having been seen as a religious event rather than the TRUE, LEGAL status it was accorded by the US Government. Therefore it is our intention to file motion that the Constitution be amended forthwith, to wit; MANDATORY GIFT-GIVING with severe penalties for offenders donating less than 68% of their yearly income in the form of ugly ties, overpriced kitchen appliances and toiletries, upon penalty of 24 hours strapped into chairs listening to "Little Drummer Boy." Second offense will call for either the Johnny Mathis version or Michael Bolton's "Holly-jolly Christmas." We further call for MANDATORY CAROLING with special dispensation for the tone-deaf and/or boy bands, and lastly WASSAILING will be henceforth prohibited upon penalty of death. We call upon Congress to immediately prohibit wassailing to be noel and void. Our co-counsel, O. Tannenbaum, would also like to point out that violators will be slapped with a santa suit so fast it'll make their heads swim. Remember, we know if you are sleeping, we know if you're awake. We know if you've been bad or good. We know everything. Okay, sing along; "I'm issuing a subpoena, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice, you'll therefore be required to submit an affidavit to show just cause as to your financial and character wherewithal as provided in USC 76:93b section 12..." HO HO HO. Jolly Olde St. Writ
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
HOME | CONTENTS
| SEARCH | POST | REPLY | NEXT | PREVIOUS
| UP
