Re: thanks, but my faith is very small and weak

Re: thanks, but my faith is very small and weak

from: Mugtoe
cpe-65-27-96-64.mn.rr.com
03-10-27
18:09:40

I believe that the only thing that God will not force me to do is accept his will. He will, however, allow me to pursue mine til I'm so burned and beat up that his is the only comfortable option available. What people say and what they believe are frequently two different things. Besides, no one could have ever convinced me. I had to experience my own helplessness and frustration. I had to realize that life wasn't gonna work for me when I got all my "ducks lined up". I had to let go and let God run the universe. That's the only way I can ever find true happiness. If my happiness depends on things turning out the way I want them to, I'll never be happy for more than a few moments. I have to cultivate the joy that comes from Peace. I can't always do that. In fact I can hardly do it sometimes. But taking that attitude puts me in the position of a multitude of possibilities. I have to strive for humility in order to have joy. I still get fucked up over finance and romance. I still grab those two areas of my life away from God, and I pay a penalty for that willfulness. God doesn't punish me. He allows me to punish myself if that's what my will desires. I wish it were easier for me to let things be, but I'm a tad bit self-absorbed. This is not the God that I grew up with. This is not the one I found in Church. I'm sure that he is there for some people, but I cannot honestly fellowship with folks of that stripe. God for me is simply that Power that is underlying all things, and which lives outside the realm of right and wrong. God is, and that is eternal and outside of time and space as well. However there is a way in which God is personal to me and I cannot explain that. There is a place where God enters into life and sustains it. God is not a name. It is a metaphor for a mystery that I cannot articulate.

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