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from: seasoned programmer
dialup252-229.dotcomisp.net
04-04-03
13:44
After a few pointless orbits on the merry-go-round to nowhere known as webmastering, seasoned veterans know when to hedge their bets, cut their loses, and BAIL. You'd think that after 7 years of Dumbweaver on a daily grind, something would sink in. It sinks in alright, and everytime it does, they change the software so it has to be pulled back out with pliers, turned around, and crammed back in the hole before too much juice gets loose. I finally turned to S4B in desperation, SHIT 4 BRAINS, silicon valley's answer to "Why is it always this way?" It s high class, high dollar, monolith application that comes in a 20 CD ROM box with 2 manuals the size of telephone books. The basic premise seems to be dazzling technology meets bafflint bullshit in a head-on collision, and someone has got to lose... and that's ME, of course. SHIT 4 BRAINS Platinum retails for $3,000.00, and you not only have to register online and use a dongle, they make you pay your own bus ticket to Aspen Colorado for a 14-day intensive boot camp, where you have to shave your head, clean toilets, and say "Yes, sir, SIR!" to smug tutorial drill sergeants who enjoy their job a little too much, if you ask me. I particularly didn't like the grueling 8 hour sessions in the "Buttfucker's Paradise", a mandatory obstacle course they don't tell you about until you've already signed the dotted line, its nothing but a big canyon you can't escape from filled with leering, lecherous, Australian turd burgulars, using education as and pretext to get you out in the cactus, so they can fuck you in the ass. They call it a "Sodomy Outback", but its nothing but scorpions, spiders, rodents, mosquitos, snakes, and UGLY guys with a big tent full of ointments and doodads. The place reeks of OraGel and BenGay, these guy don't bathe because there's no water there, only beer and SHIT. Mountains of it. It seems they hollowed out a dumping ground of the Masai tribe of Africa, and put the whole chunk of landscape on a barge and relocated it to Australia, mainly because its such a long swim back to Indonesia. The whole place is made of shit. Even the ground you walk on, it goes straight down 2 miles, nothing but layer after layer of dried, Africanized, bunghole bananas, smashed down thru the ages, and petrified like rock. From these awfulstalagmites they carve these fertility ritual figurines and use them for copy protecting dongles, and guess where they plug them in? RIGHT you are, straight up in your ass, and all this is without even so much as a dribble of K-Y Jelly. I finally escaped and swam back thru the swamp to the main sewer and grabbed onto a large log and floated all the way to the ocean. That's where Time Waster Deluxe comes in. Its not a program, its a flea bag sea shuttle running from the outer islands around the South China Sea and making its way, SLOW AS MOLASSES, across the South Pacific, just islansd hopping trying to get back to the USA. The "sailors" who run it are nothing more than 5th rate pirates running a floating sodomy mill for marooned touristas who happen to fall for the glitsy bells and whistles of a promised Internet experience that just don't pan out that way... in fact... IT WAS FUCKED UP!!!!! Whatever you do, don't EVER fall for that suckerbait classic line that makes you think compelling online content is right around the corner. The only content you're likely to wind up being compelled by is scurvy covered weenie shovin' far up into yer archepelaggio cul-de-sac. Just stick with NOTEPAD and PAINT SHOP PRO. Otherwise you might as well buy yourself a truckload of Anusol Gel right now, because all you're headed for is a colossal pain in the ass.
