I've Been To The Mountaintop...

And Its Ugly As Fuck

from: burning bush in the desert
dialup252-222.dotcomisp.net

God sent the Ten Commandments Fed-Ex overnight to Moses, of course, this is after burning them into clay tablets with a Fingertip Firewire light pen, like when the Prophet Daniel read the "fax printing on the wall" to Nebechannezer... this was all happenin' way back in the days when it was no big deal for God to use obnoxious drunks to "test rich kings" like the Saudi Royal Family and Osama Bin Laden's openly gay Minister Of Fornication, "Bhagdad Bob" AKA "The Split Toe Camel Humpin, Sahib Dixie Dumplin, Wall-Eyed Hunchbuckler and Slap-It-Together Humdingeroid Technician... ya keep licking and re-licking your own crotch, thinkin' its the display on your Rolex watch, it won't come clean, buff it up another notch, you accidently buff the alarm button, and it pops a load down your throat, choking and sputtering, you gasp for air and realize "that wasn't my watch, that was my dick!" only then do you remember how you fell off your front porch in a drunken stupor, some tiny Christmas lights and their twisted wires become snagged in your genitals, "that's what that ripping sound was!"... As you lose your balance and flip over the guardrail, you see its a LONG WAY down to the flat concrete slab, and there's no one left who could possibly break your fall. You have no choice but to surrender to your inevitable early demise, saying, "please God, just make it quick and painless!" Suddenly you are wrenched violently in the opposite direction.... STRAIGHT UP! You know for a fact you weren't bunji jumping when you lost consciousness, you look down (up), and to your horror, you see your own dick in a tangled, knotted rat's nest of Christmas lights, boinging up and down like a vintage SLINKY. This causes your penis to have a signifigant "shape change" trauma.... simply put, your 9 second free fall off a balcony porch headlong into a BBQ pit is a BRILLIANT SUCCESS, too bad your dick is stretched so thin, it mutates into  long, blue singable cussword guitar string twang thru a huge .jpg of  a Marshall amplifier... silent but NOT so deadly... the only thing that was real about it was how bad it hurt for days on end!