nobody gives a fuck about this


I'm sure most Americans have heard that Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor announced her retirement and that Gee Dubya was pretty quick to recommend John Roberts as her replacement. According to the mole I have in the White House, the following is the brief interview that took place between the president and Roberts before his nomination was announced. "Thanks for coming, John," said the president. "I'll make this quick 'cause I'm having a herbal enema at 3:15." "Um, OK, Mr. President." "Jerry, I want to..." "Excuse me Mr. President, my name is John." "Of course, of course. Now, John, I need to nominate somebody squeaky clean to the Supreme Court to distract the American people from lynching my good buddy Rove. I swear that sombitch has helped me more than even my daddy. I'd rather see Cheney foam at the mouth, keal over and burn in hell 'fore I see any harm come to Turd Blossom. Anyway, I wanna make sure them fuckin' democrats don't come up with a whole pile of shit on you after I make my announcement." "Um, yes, Mr. President." The president continued, "Now, George..." "Excuse me Mr. President, my name is John." "Of course, Of course. I'm George. I forgot. Anyway, I wanna be frank and I want you to cut the bullshit. Don't lie to me or I'll have your family drafted and sent to the front lines in Poland." "Mr. President, we're not fighting Poland. We're fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan." "Oh yeah, Poland is our ally. OK, John, I have a list of some questions that some guy gave to me to ask you. I don't know who he was but he was but he said he worked here and was pretty sure these things would come up in the background check for your nomination." "I'm ready, Mr. President." "Have you ever sucked another man's dick, John? Now be honest." "Mr. President, this is totally out..." "Answer the fuckin' question, John. I gotta get ready to blow some herbs outta my ass." "No Mr. President. I've never done that." "Good. You ever take it up the ass?" "Mr. President, I object to this line..." "Answer the fuckin' question, John. I went to an Ivy League school, too, and I know what those frat parties are like." "No Mr. President. I've never done that." "Good, Jimmy...I mean, John. OK, last question. Have you ever pimped out your wife to a drug dealer and his friends while you were on a 72 hour blow binge in a cheap motel room in Jersey?" "This is absurd, Mr. President! I refuse to dignify any more of these questions with a response!" "Hey, you mellow out now, Joey! I know a thing or two about a thing or two, and these are legitimate questions. Democrats are real. They ain't some boogeyman your mama made up to keep you in line. They're gonna dig and dig until they find the four guys on your block that you used to circle-jerk with when you were in eighth-grade. I think we can handle a circle- jerk problem, but the oral, anal and whore-wife thing might be hard to spin."



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