my Uncle Bob was one hard son of a bitch

from: popeye-x, and proud of it 06-08-15 20:32:59

as told to phil dalmolin:

my Uncle Bob was one hard son of a bitch "a different opinion" didn't exist in his mind, it was his way, or no way at all, but some people could flex him a bit, appealing to his fatherly sense of wisdom, you never knew when he would ease up and be totally cool with anything, including "the niggers and the queers"

I don't know about the rest of the family, but I was sort of a special character who could tease him, just for fun, that's why I'm wearing my cap sideways AT THE DINNER TABLE, oooo that was a big one! we're talking guys over 50 years old saying yessir about the mashed potatoes, and meaning every word of it!

in other words, he was a BLAST! he just had to be the boss, but that was FUN, believe me, hangin' with him for a week was the thrill of a lifetime, I did it twice, and he talked about how much fun it was up to the day he died the whole time we were hanging, I'd be EATING, constantly, steak, chili, homemade noodles, mashed potatoes, on and on and on, it never stopped, I had me a permanent bowl with 3 meals piled in it, just nibblin' like I like to do, god it was so fucking good, the homemade noodles were actually better than the endless bbq of chicken, beef, pork, fish, you name it, it was all great

another constant was me scribbling his Uncle Bob-isms on tablets, in books, on technical manuals, every surface was covered with things like "shoot the son of a bitch!!!" (talking about a black dude on TV arrested for cold blooded murder) or another favorite subject that would send him into a fury.... Rosie O'Donnell. oh my God "I'd like to give her a free third eye socket, right in the middle of her forehead" (while patting his immaculate vintage High Standard .38 revolver with the long barrel like Bogey used in those movies)

he was ALWAYS packin', plus he had at least 6 loaded pistols of various types stashed nearby, some high, some low, some right next to you, but you didn't know it. in the couch, in his belt, on the shelf, in the drawer, under the pillow, everywhere, always, this sum bitch was armed to the teeth at all times the cops came to the door, he showed them his hand on his loaded gun in his belt, then HE CHECKED THEIR ID's!!, then he'd let them in. they were "yes sir" and "no sir".

he didn't give a fuck about any govt, or any church, or anybody except HIS FAMILY and HIS COUNTRY. his front yard had a big flagpole with the stars and stripes every motherfucking day, and you better not fuck with him. go fuck with somebody else, much SMARTER thing to do. he could not stand fancy pants actin' Christians, he'd had some bad experiences, also he could not stand BIG shots with BIG mouths. he told me many tales of guys on the job shooting their big fat mouths off, thinking they could pick on him, cuz he was little, like me, if they so much as touched him, he would "deck 'em" on the spot. I'm talking about big guys who towered over him. he'd knock them flat on their asses, one punch. and brother, it was over. they knew better than to take a swing at that motherfucker.