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from: Evil Receptionist office
Let me introduce the characters of my office. Lulu: Ex-teacher, Masters degree in Art and probably all kinds of other shit. She's damn smart and she's mean as hell. For some reason I adore her though. I love irritating her. One time she was looking for some files. I have a system on how I file my stuff. It goes alphabetically and numerically. So if a file says San Antonio Police Department #67429, it will be in the S section right after San Antonio Police Department #67428. Makes sense right? Well not to her she thinks they should all be filed by date and no other way. That would mean I would have SAPD #67429 10/31/08 next to Zebra Company #12940 10/30/08. That would be a mess right??? So I do mine alphabetically and numerically. She went through my files and asked if I was the dumbass who filed the documents. I looked at her right in the eye with the most serious face ever and said "well, no the magic garden gnomes come every night and organize my files for me" She then responded with a disgusted look and said "FUCK YOU", pushed me into the wall (enough to make me laugh while using the wall for balance)then she walked away. You know what, I don't hate her. Yesterday she put the air on 64, my nose was dry and my fingers were blue since I am right under the vent. She called me a bitch for trying to change the temp, so I decided to let her have her way. I stood on my desk and covered the vent with tape and copy paper. It looked ghetto as hell, but I was experienceing Hypothermia. She later noticed my ghetto mess and asked what the hell I did. My responce "Lulu, it was the most amazing thing ever, the magic garden gnomes came in stacked themselves all the way up to the ceiling pointy hats in assholes and covered my vent, you should have seen it, it was remarkable." She asked what kind of drugs I was on and walked away. Still, I don't hate her one bit. Sometimes when people come in to apply, she offers them my job because she says I'm worthless. I still, really don't hate her. I find her amusing. Bob: She is also an ex-teacher, has a Masters degree and is an artist. She's an old hippie, did drugs galore back in the psycade. I think she still smokes weed. I also found a walnut shaped container in her purse that smells like cocaine (me and another co-worker like to mess with her stuff when we're bored) She's loud, obnoxious, and she's also compassionate. I like her even when she refuses to take calls or acts like a hypocrite. Her work ethic is sometimes questionable, but I don't care. She's human and I like that she's real. MJ: Crazy, good looking, always eating, always shopping, shoe addicted crazy ass. I love this girl, she keeps the office alive. I don't ever tell her how cool I think she is, I just keep that to myself. Nooo, I don't crush on her, I just like her spunk. She does her job well, but keeps us all alive when we hate being here. She interrogates the shit takers in the restroom (she pounds on the door and asks them what they're doing), Takes her time putting on her makeup in the restroom while a line forms, then lets everyone in line know she's sorry for hogging the restroom because she had to make herself pretty. I love it!!! And yeah, there is only one restroom here. She's loud and fucking cool as hell. I wuv her. Jr: He is the general manager with a temper. He's pretty smelly too. He smells worse than the Bill Miller onion and pickele packets. It's horrible. One time he was arguing with an employee on his cell phone, finally he got fed up and threw his phone against my desk. It turned into tiny pieces all over the floor. I gathered it up and told him "you broke your phone." The office stayed quiet almost all day after that incident. I don't hate him though... Here is who I fucking hate!!! Jackie: How many of you are fans of the movie Office Space? K do you remember that woman who answers the phone with this real high pitched annoying voice? That's Jackie. She has a totally normal calm tone when speaking with me and everyone else. When she answers the phone it gets as obnoxious, nausiating and ear piercing as the woman on Office Space, actually it's worse! God, I wish I could explain it... It's like grabbing a possum by its tail and twisting it up into its ass. Does that help? When she hangs up, her ritual is... "dick" "bitch" "fuck you" "whore" "whatever". So anyway, when I started this job she told me she was always willing to take client calls especially when no other rep could take it. But when I transfer calls to her she throws a fit and refuses to take the calls. As soon as her insecure faggot boyfriend calls, she's on it. She proceeds to baby talk to him, yes BABY TALK! It's like this Jackie: Hey babieeesh, howsh my papash, hmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmm (thats her humming to him) awww papash, I loves yoush, coochie coochie, I'll go see you at lunch so we can fuck. MMmmmmm hmmmm hmmm hmm (singing again) I wuvs yooou, ai papash. WHAT? You know what then, FUCK YOU! I'm leaving your stinky ass! You better board up your fucking windows you asshole. That's all in one call. No joke. Then one of the reps will ask her something and she snaps at them. Today she went to a meeting with the manager and knowing them, they would take forever. I needed to go to the gym for my lunch workout so I took off leaving only two reps at the office. When I got back, 10 minutes after she did. She was pissed and called me a cock blocker. She was mad at me because she was late to her nooner fuck session. Not my problem. She's not even supposed to take a lunch because she works less hours than me. She still got to leave to suck her man off, sheesh. I think she got mad because her planning has to be precise so her husband won't find out. Yeah, her god damned husband. I don't hate her choices, I just hate that she takes it out on me and everyone else because her vagina will die without that dick. She let the manager know I was gone while they were at the meeting. It's not like the reps would die without me. The phone hasn't even rung in three hours. Except Jackies, it always rings because her boy needs constant reassurance. Anyway, I didn't get in trouble. The manager was fine with it since Lulu and MJ were here. So that's who I hate. Jackie. She makes me mad. She's like a ticking bomb or bi-polar... She's just primitive because of her sex drive. Like a fucking gorilla. Somebody needs to fuck that snatch shut! K, I just needed to rant. I'm looking for a new job anyway.
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
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