with a really old dude ::: 8-12-12

fluncked kindergarden?

hey, when i was a baby, i changed my own diapers... sort of. now i'm an extremely grown up baby, and i'll be watching "dancing with the stars" and SUDDENLY, without even 5 seconds warning, i'm "running with the shits". and i don't make it, even though i "clamp it" like jed, granny, and jethro... up thru the ground come-uh bubblin' crude... soil , that is... texas turds... black grunt... and its dribblin' and blowing out like buckshot: BLOOOSH!

down my pants leg, out the cuff, onto the floor, my leg, the toilet seat... well, its EVERYWHERE i go.... streaming, uncontrollable, squirting SHIT and ME seem to be inextricably linked... i run by... it runs by with me, except it runs out WITH me or WITHOUT me, but definitely all over me.

one night, it did it again. i couldn't make it to the toilet, so i ran out in the front yard. it was all over my legs and pants, i just took them off, and threw them on the ground, knowing the possums would be on it in 5minutes or less. so i reached in the doorway and grabbed a shirt out of my sister's suitcase she left at my uncle's who gaveit to me to give to her, but i never see her, so i grab a shirt, its one of her daughter's, no problem, this shirt is very small, her daughter is grown now! i wipe the spew dripping shit off my ass, my legs, my feet, everywhere, i wipe it ALL off.

then i went back in to my couch where i sleep. i sat down, looked up at the tv screen just long enough to see some famous celebrity i've NEVER heard of do this ridiculous choreography taught to them by a hollywood homosexual when, BLAMMO!

yes, the whole disaster happens AGAIN! now, sk yourself: "why did that happen like that? TWICE in one night? obviously, its because i'm getting older and older and my sphincter clamp ain't what it used to be. plus that dutch chocolate ice cream i eat every night ain't helpin' none.

long story short, i'm OLD, in other words, i'm MATURE! i am, in fact, BEING MATURE. doubly so. i got your MATURE HANGIN' bitch! wanna see 'em? there's two of them. i used to have ONE long thing, ok? now, since i'm MATURE, i have two long things. follow me? they are both longer than that ONE long thing i've still got that's just as long as it always was.

still don't undertsand? ever heard of that famous writer named henry wadsworthy LONGNUTS?

that's me. my nuts are longer than jack klugmann on QUINCY! i'm talkin' MATURE, incredibly stretched out LONG GEEZER TESTICLES, follow me? no?

if you ever caught sight of these babies, believe me, you'd not only follwo me, i probably wouldn't be able to get rid of you!

despite the fact they are hideous to behold, its like a really horrific automobile accident with body parts strewn all over the road and lamp posts. YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY! pretty soon you'd be dangling them down in your mouth, just to see what its like to have REAL, MATURE, long fucking NUTS (2 of them) going down your throat, instead of just ONE long thing like usual. now i'm sure you know what i'm sayin', right? uh, huh, bitch, i GRADUATED from kindergarden and went all the way to GEEZER UNIVERSITY!

just about everybody freaks out when they see or COME INTO CONTACT with your old bitty dribblin' doo-doo, very understandable. but these low hangin', gentlemanly LONG NUTS are another story. they are fascinating and attractive as hell. they're like "electro-mental magnets" for your lips, honey. come on over here and BE MATURE while you spend some quality HANG TIME with these classic, vintage NUTS!!!

don't be shy.... like you wanna run away? just BE MATURE, and open that mouth wide as you can while i lower these "hang-me-down keepsakes" into your experienced, matronly LIPS.

you said it yourself, BE MATURE!!!



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