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Otto Industries gets a call from the
Better Business Bureau FROM: helping to sustain the eternal vigil against scumbags and night crawlers 10-05-17 |
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"hello, is this the person who runs Otto Industries?" |
| uh, yes it is, but now it is called 'Church
Of Machines' since its less like a normal service industry, and more like an antago-nostic pseudo-religious cult... kinda like an electronic meditation asylum, only much, much LOUDER. |
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"we want to put you
on our exclusive list because you have a clean record, this is like a feather in your cap since its by INVITATION ONLY! no scumbags allowed!" |
| it is? why thank you very much. but wait, you say you're against scumbags? |
| "yes, scumbags and night crawlers" |
| wait a minute... i like to crawl at night! this is not one of those high and mighty fancy-pants churches. in fact, anyone will tell you, we're very, very LOOSE around here... like WAY loose, know what i'm sayin'? |
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the real truth is: i've never had anything close to a dissatisfied customer. i make sure all my clients get the deal of a lifetime, every time. the ONLY complaints i've had were from one woman, who wasn't even my customer, rather she was a jilted lover, out to cause trouble. |
| "did she contact us?" |
| yes, she did, but it was a long time ago, i
got a
Better Business Bureau
Complaint Form in the snail mail. let's see... it was almost 10 years ago! October of 2000! |
| actually, she thought my song, HOLY COW, was about HER... btw, its an instrumental, you snitch-ass bitch! |
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"well, now we want to put you on our exclusive list so people in your area will CALL YOU FIRST!" |
| ok! that sounds pretty cool, actually! |
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"yes, Mr. Otto, and this will be for an annual fee of only 450" |
| hold on there... do you mean, 4 dollars and 50 CENTS, or do you mean 4 hundred and 50 DOLLARS? |
| "that's $450, sir" |
 ok, i'm definitely
NOT interested... but thank |
| i get over 15,000 VISITS and at least 1,000 downloads of my shit,
every month. presently i have around 60 titles available, my most popular download at the moment is TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS in April, 2010, it got leeched 256 times, and that's just one song... |
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| my most abrasive and musically brutal composition is probably the notorious
BRAIN-MUSIC i know for a fact it was downloaded over 150 times last month.
if there was ever an anthem for night crawling scumbags, that has got to be it! only a
crazy motherfucker on dope would even be able to mentally survive the experience of listening to the whole thing ONCE, much less listening to it once a week, like i do. hey, why not? its been around since 1986, it's
only 24 years ago. i'm only just now starting to get the gist of it, and i'm the one who created it! i have no idea who else is out there listening to it, i can't even imagine
how their demographic pigeonhole could be described...
you just know they gotta be |
 |
| the only thing that comes to mind at the moment is "night crawling scumbags", whatever that is. i guess, when it comes to Church Of Machines, the Better Business Bureau is shit out of luck, just like those Bolton-sucking fuckhogs, Turkie Nazi and Tacki Fishkebob. |
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