Otto Industries gets a call from the
Better Business Bureau
FROM: helping to sustain the eternal vigil
against scumbags and night crawlers 10-05-17
"hello, is this the person who runs
|uh, yes it is, but now it is called 'Church
Of Machines' since its less like a normal service industry, and more like an antago-nostic
pseudo-religious cult... kinda like an electronic
meditation asylum, only much, much LOUDER.
"we want to put you
on our exclusive list
because you have a clean record, this is
like a feather in your cap since its by
INVITATION ONLY! no scumbags allowed!"
|it is? why thank you very much. but wait,
you say you're against scumbags?
|"yes, scumbags and night crawlers"|
|wait a minute... i like to crawl at night! this is
not one of those high and mighty fancy-pants churches. in fact, anyone will tell you, we're
very, very LOOSE around here...
like WAY loose, know what i'm sayin'?
the real truth is: i've never had anything close to a dissatisfied customer. i make sure all my clients get the deal of a lifetime, every time. the ONLY complaints i've had were from one woman, who wasn't even my customer, rather she was
a jilted lover, out to cause trouble.
|"did she contact us?"|
|yes, she did, but it was a long time ago, i
Better Business Bureau
in the snail mail. let's see... it was almost
10 years ago! October of 2000!
|actually, she thought my song, HOLY COW, was about HER... btw, its an instrumental, you snitch-ass bitch!|
"well, now we want to put you on our exclusive list so people in your area
will CALL YOU FIRST!"
|ok! that sounds pretty cool, actually!|
"yes, Mr. Otto, and this will be for
an annual fee of only 450"
|hold on there... do you mean,
4 dollars and 50 CENTS, or do you
mean 4 hundred and 50 DOLLARS?
|"that's $450, sir"|
ok, i'm definitely
NOT interested... but thank
|i get over 15,000 VISITS and at least 1,000 downloads of my shit,
every month. presently
i have around 60 titles available, my most
popular download at the moment is
TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS
in April, 2010, it got leeched 256 times,
and that's just one song...
|my most abrasive and musically brutal composition is probably the notorious
BRAIN-MUSIC i know for a fact it was downloaded over 150 times last month.
if there was ever an anthem for night crawling scumbags, that has got to be it! only a
crazy motherfucker on dope would even be able to mentally survive the experience of listening to the whole thing ONCE, much less listening to it once a week, like i do. hey, why not? its been around since 1986, it's
only 24 years ago. i'm only just now starting to get the gist of it, and i'm the one who created it! i have no idea who else is out there listening to it, i can't even imagine
how their demographic pigeonhole could be described...
you just know they gotta be
|the only thing that comes to mind at the moment is "night crawling scumbags", whatever that is.
i guess, when it comes to Church Of Machines,
the Better Business Bureau is shit out of luck,
just like those Bolton-sucking fuckhogs,
Turkie Nazi and Tacki Fishkebob.