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Blarg
1/22/02
9:44:48 AM
172.149.118.188
You can take the "sodomizer" tour of Turkish freighters, that would be a bad trip. Or there's the self-guided tour of the Pez museum in Millbrae, CA. That's a really bad trip, which begins with a pamphlet describing the history, composition and manufacturing techniques of each individual Pez dispenser in excruciating detail and winds up with you making a cameo appearance in a homemade zombie movie. There's always the "Ozzy" tour of San Antonio, where you are forced to get horribly drunk and whacked out on coke, wear a dress and pee on cultural shrines. (No, on second thought; that's a great trip, especially when the bats come out at dusk and you get to bite their heads off.) There's the "magic of the Dewey decimal system" tour of the Roughage, Nebraska town library, that truly sucks. Anything in Minnesota is a good bet to be a bad trip, especially in a Volkswagen van during Winter. Finally, if you're desperate you can sneak up to the winner of a Special Olympics race, hand them a map of Canada and a magic marker and have them randomly mark a course for you to follow, making sure to include the wonderful province of Quebec and it's snarling lap-dancers.
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
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