chops

chops

Mugtoe
1/28/02
11:05:06 AM
63.231.228.25

And that's why I never made it as a musician; because I'm just as rigid in that regard as I am walking onto a dance floor. In fact, I've only been on a dance floor once in my life. I've never danced. I've never jammed. I've never done anything spontaneous, except to get arrested. I dreamed all my life of playin blues piano and never once tried it. I took all the theory and did all the Hanon Studies and Chopin Etudes I could handle, and I ended up a trained monkey who only learned by rote. There was no snap at all in my life in that sense, no feeling of ridin something unique and authentic to me that comes from someplace mysterious, until 1999, and now I feel like I'm gonna fuckin explode if I don't DO somethin. Actually, explode ain't the word. But I'll be drier'n a powderhouse fart before long if I don't step out into thin air and see what happens. I thought that chasin tail on the net and movin away was a form a that (and in some sense it helped), but it's more form than substance. I feel like all those lessons were wasted time. it's too late to blame mom; I'm 38. My only consolation now is that I write sometimes. And I got to the place where that feels RIGHT every now and then, like I'm just puttin it down and it ain't forced or contrived or nothin at all. I think that comes from the same place. The only problem is that it ain't LOUD enough. But the thing you said that caught my attn the most about it was the thing about the rhythm. The only thing I pay heed to most times when I'm writin is the rhythm of it. And I just throw up at the keyboard and see what happens. When I'm ON it just comes. And when I'm not it don't matter, cuz I know that it'll happen and it's fun anyway whether it sucks or not. I just wish that I could do that with music, cuz there ain't no ensemble writin, and nobody's dancin to Ted&Liz.

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