Re: dental appt


I have been to the dentist. She said my teeth are beautiful. Unfortunately she also agreed with my assessment that the rest of my mouth didn't agree with that aesthetic judment and was retreating shamefully. Then she turned on me and said that one of the major culprits in my case is smoking. Fuckin great! Why don't you all gang up on me now?! If the world would simply allow me to enjoy the cigarettes I smoke a little more, perhaps I would enjoy fewer of them. But no! I have to take every draw with the full consciousness of the pain I cause Sigmo and every other one of you fuckin tyrants! Perhaps if everyone would treat smoking as something to be enjoyed, they would find it of less frequent instance. I have to smoke more cigarettes to get less enjoyment, because of the glare under which I smoke most of them. They can't be THAT bad. I mean, opera singers and doctors used to advertize them before the government jumped in and made em stop. What is it with me that I grew up loving the smell of cigarettes and the taste of scotch from my earliest memory? I'm serious. I loved the way cigarettes smelled, and I still do. And I loved the taste of scotch and soda from the first time I ever took the tiniest sip. I never had to hold my nose to take a drink if it was good liquor. I loved the taste. I would still love a Guiness or a straight bourbon and probably always will. But the results on my body are too much to take anymore. In my twenties I would easily drink a fifth of whiskey per day with no great ill-effects on my health at the level of daily activity and with more than normal functionality when drinking. Such was my tolerance at that point. I also had a much greater tolerance than normal for speed and other stuff, though that may be universal with folks who did as much as I did at a stretch. In any case, I know that a 50-unit shot that looks like sweet clover honey three or four times a day over long periods of time with absolutely no sleep cannot be conducive to good dental - or mental - health. But I loved it all in some way. I don't think I'll ever crave a bump again as long as I live, but I'll always have a taste for good bourbon. But I might as well have a taste for battery acid for all the wonderful things it's done in my life. If it weren't for all of that stuff I poured and shoved into my body, I'd have had a pretty normal life. Fuck art. I could be just as happy writing nicely tame children's stories and not be relating witty little vignettes from the abyss. I don't think any of that shit had to happen. But it did. And I learned the futility of gripin about it. I'll own it and not be ashamed of it, though it still makes me wince at times. Any of you who have come to naked, face-down in yer own puke will understand the wonderful humility that it gives you in dealing with others. I'm not kidding. That doesn't happen to me anymore, and that's a tender mercy in my life. Cigarettes are a different story. They never quite taste as good as the smell of someone else's smoke. And that only applies to some people's smoke. My dad and grandfather made a great smelling smoke, as did my former brother-in-law's pipe at our bookstore. Lately I smoke Winston Regulars, and they taste better than any mass-market cigarette I've ever smoked, I think. I quit back in September for a while. I smoke now, but not as much as before. I'm also a coffee snob and a purist about it. But that's just an occupational hazard of having been a barista. I guess if I'd worked at a hot dog stand I'd have been a weiner snob. Don't say it. So my dental insurance will cover this stuff on June 1st and not December 1st, as I previously thought. I'll get a pro to yank this one other tooth this time, and then I'll do whatever it takes to keep the rest of em intact and with me. I was proud that she gave me an attaboy on my hygeine, AND on my home extraction. She could not, however, give me my x-rays on CD to post at the Ranch. It was nice to have someone else take my picture though. I'm such a cam-whore.



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