Forgive me faggot, for I have sinned


A couple of years ago I did the teenager across the street a favor and recorded his awful pseudo-metal/rap/hip-hop/skinhead band. I used a Fostex Model 80 8-channel reel-to-reel machine and agreed with them beforehand that I would just charge them for the tape, which was about $12 a reel.

It took us a month to fill up 5 reels, during which I got incredibly sick of those assholes. It was the first time I'd hung out with anybody under 25 in years. They kept yelling "FAGGOT!" at each other every time somebody made a mistake, which was about every 4 bars.

Very soon on the first day they exhausted their supply of four chords and dope, so I made the mistake of showing them some more chords and offering them some fine mari-hoochie in the best tradition of Californian hospitality. (I smoked back then.)

At the end of the first day, I had learned two things; kids these days are fucking useless assholes, and never even SHOW your weed to a teenager. Then one of them ripped me off while my back was turned. I decided that was bullshit, and so the second session I turned from nice guy to Sgt. Fuckweed.

I cussed them out for ripping me off, and then the first time somebody yelled "Faggot!" at someone else, I said "what the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you find another word to use?" Little did I know this rather innocent offhand remark caused them to think that I was gay, of course.

Suffice to say they never even paid me for the tapes or offered me anything for my time, and all I ever heard from any of them was the kid across the street yelling "faggot" every once in a while to one of his friends when I was within earshot.::: Three or four years goes by, during which Mom and Dad buy the fucking jerk an SUV (how fitting), he gets arrested FOUR times for dealing dope, his boyfriend moves in with him (!) and they both get those bass-kicker boxes for their SUVs.

I guess Mom and Pop surrendered the front of the house to him, because that bmp-de-bmp shit goes on at all hours, particularly when one of the boyz (he thinks he's black now) fires up his car for a trip downtown for more K-Y and MadDog 20-20.

Anyway, there are THREE of these bmp-de-bmp assholes on my street now. I don't know if they were just toilet-trained to tuba music or if they want to be shot.

Then last week the local paper ran an article about students at the local high school supporting gay rights by taking a vow of silence for a day and wearing armbands etc. The paper has a "whine line" where you can call and make comments anonymously. I called the number and said "I'd like to commend the students at _____ high school for their support of gay rights by taking a vow of silence. However, I'd also like to comment on these young gay men in SUVs with the loud bass-boomer boxes who cruise _________ (my town) and follow each other to secret rendevous. Isn't there a quieter way for them to meet? Can they take a vow of silence too?"

Now comes the fun part. When this issue comes out, in homes all over the area people are going to read that and then they'll be calling each other going "oh, so that's what that crap is all about!" Then when sonny-boy gets in from carousing, he'll see this little commentary posted on the fridge... So much for the gay/homophobe asshole. Things should quiet down real quick. I'll keep you posted.



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