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Ed Zeppelin
216.166.21.162
02-05-01
16:34
I don’t know why I have behaved in the manner that I have recently, I have treated my online friends very shabbily. I have needlessly isolated myself from the compassion and understanding I need and crave so much. Perhaps it stems from some long forgotten trauma from my younger years that I have suppressed until it explodes outward as anger toward others. Maybe it’s from all those long nights in my teen years, The lonely days spent slathering my gums with orajell and listening to Perry Como, it had to be Como, just replace the first letters with an “H” and you’ll know why. I’d lie there for hours just listening and gnawing the corners off the album covers for hours. Maybe it was all the Friday nights I spent alone in my teen years, drawing smiley faces on my penis so I wouldn’t feel so lonely. I named her Kewpie and she was a cheap date I’ll tell you, for the price of some silk panties and a jar of KY jelly she was mine, all mine, all night. Or maybe it’s because of the neo-masochistic lifestyle I lived in my 20’s, maybe all the clothespins and duck tape on my scrotum finally caused a hormone imbalance in my brain. Maybe it’s an allergic reaction to the metal in the alligator clips I used as electrodes during those all night sessions of methamphetamine and electrified ecstasy. Or perhaps it’s because of the handfuls of viagra and enzyte I have been taking recently in my failed attempt to increase and maintain my fading manhood. Whatever it is that has caused my recent irrational behavior, I will do my best to curb it in the future. Mama said I mustn’t play with knives, don’t touch! Don’t touch! And I will do my best to make it up to everyone. Yours truly, Ed Zeppelin
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
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