the coup de grace

from: Good luck...you'll need it,

Dear Leg humpers,

Where was I? Oh, yes. So you've set the mood, figured out how to get your partner undressed, and fumbled your way through enough foreplay so that she is at least awake if not actually aroused. Now it is time to deliver the coup de grace.

Penetration can be achieved with a number of different approaches, some more acrobatic than others. But for the sake of simplicity and constraints of space I will list here only the basic four which are as follows...

1. Missionary, prone 2. Missionary, kneeling 3. Woman on top 4. Man behind, or "Doggy-style"

Each technique has its own advantages and disadvantages.

The Missionary, prone position provides some stimulation of the G-spot while also stimulating the clitoris.

The Missionary, kneeling position increases stimulation of the G-spot while reducing stimulation of the clitoris.

With the woman in the mounted position the degree of penetration increases while simultaneously offering her the advantage of controlling the angle and force of the thrusts.

The "Doggy-style" position offers the greatest degree of penetration with the least amount of stimulation for the woman. However, if you are endowed with any more meat than a Vienna sausage you may be able to 'bottom out' in this position and the pressure on the cervix can provide its own pleasurable sensation.

CAUTION: For decorum's sake, before penetration do not slap her thigh and say, "Spread 'em, Baby. The pigskin bus is pulling into Tuna-town." No matter how receptive you think she is this runs a very high risk of termination before completion.

While pumping away at the old well it is important to observe your partner's physical cues. Is her breath rate increasing? Is she moaning? Has she started calling out my name? These are all cues that she is approaching orgasm.

If she is completely quiet or relaxed, if her lubrication has completely dried up, if she is snoring, you will need to change your pace or technique, or possibly even go back to foreplay to bring her back to the proper level or arousal.

The actual moment of orgasm manifests itself in many different ways for different types of women. I've known women to close their eyes and shake, yell, bite, pull hair, scream foul lan- guage, even cry or laugh. But the almost universal signs are a distinct flushing of the skin and a tightening or spasming of the vagina. (This is the ONLY time you can get away with asking her who her daddy is.) If these are present you can pretty much climb out of the saddle and go get yourself a beer. Your job is done.

The only other note I might make is to stress the importance of wearing a condom. The world doesn't need any more of your kind running around.

Good luck...you'll need it,



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