his ridiculous drunken
drug whore girlfriend 
There is very little he has that was bought with his own money. Any large item he has was bought with a drug deal he fucked somebody on, or else it was stolen outright. He's always very resentful when you can get deals he can't get, he has no concept at all that you are trusted and he isn't because you pay and he doesn't. He considers other people's property HIS property, he really thinks he deserves anything he can get away with. For instance, he'll mooch off of your dope, continuously, but keep his dope secret, then he'll share it with your girlfriend on the side, just a little secret thing, But when he finds out that his ridiculous drunken drug whore girlfriend got talked into agreeing to brazenly suck your dick, in front of your drug pals, without any hesitation, except to ask for a line of crank, He gets all upset because you didn't TELL HIM about it for 2 years. He feels cheated out of all that time he wasted being in love, he doesn't give a shit that she's sucked 100 other dicks, he's upset cuz she sucked YOUR dick, like he's been betrayed, not by his loyal friend, but by the person he's been stealing and scamming off of for years and years and years... YOU! He's mad that you didn't TELL HIM what a piece of shit she is... like you owe him more truth than he owes himself, and why? Because he's so involved in putting on a fake front and mooching off of you, being a totally phony, leeching parasite, hating your guts while fronting his "partners" scam with you for DECADES, he doesn't even consider you getting completely fucked by being his friend to be a bad thing at all, he feels bitter because his love life is a total fiasco, and its YOUR fault. The fact that you TURNED DOWN THE BLOW JOB out of loyalty to him is completely lost on him. He feels betrayed you didn't TELL HIM about his utterly worthless drug whore "girlfriend" who'll suck ANYBODY'S dick who has a joint and a few beers. I got the impression she gets a kick out of being fucked by several complete strangers all at once, while she writhes like a snake, sticking dicks in every hole she's got, and LOVING every minute of it. She'll do ANYTHING anybody wants, I proved that, but I'm a naughty boy, I tricked that bitch and turned her out, then I turned her DOWN. It was hilarious! Then some friends showed up and I tricked her again, in front of them! She thought we were going to gang fuck her, I just laughed at her and said, "you're not tricking me into betraying my friend Mike Taylor!" and told her to split. 

And this fucking MOOCHING THIEF feels cheated because he likes pretending she's his steady girl, so I just let him keep on lying to himself, I honestly thought I was being humane! Hey, she was a good sport about it, she wasn't pissed at all. She shows up at my band's gigs every now and then, now that Taylor the Mooch has been discovered to be a total thief without any conscience at all, I have to face up to the grim truth...  Mike Taylor is 1000 times worse than she will ever be. I laugh when I think of how STUPID and CORNY he was when, after 5 years of rehab frustration and kinky sex,  he asked her to MARRY him. She TURNED HIM DOWN, her dad is rich, she doesn't need a big, stupid MOOCH like Mike Taylor cramping her style and bleeding her parent's account, No, she's got other things in mind, and the next time I see her I'm going to reward her wisdom by fucking her silly, but before I come, I'm going to transfer my cock to her mouth so I can watch her suck my dick while I tell her all about how Mike Taylor is the stupidest motherfucker I've ever known.

intro to BEEP! CLICK!
Late one night, in March of 1995, Mike Taylor was lamenting the ever widening cesspool of his tortured love life. His six year Odyssey of Sex/Pain Merry-Go-Round was yet only half way through its miserable course. Though he would hang on desperately to his retarded delusions of penultimate poontang for another three years, there was always an aura of disappointment lurking nearby, it never seemed to go away. Despite his bending over backwards, including playing his ace in the hole, The Sacrificial Regalia Of His Big Marriage Proposal To The Kinky Queenie, only to have his dreams crushed, and then tossed in a ditch. It just seemed to get worse and worse, and Mike was particularly broken hearted by a rambling, drunken  phone machine message, punctuated by identical beeps and clicks. He played the tape for me, he was particularly bugged by how WACKY his girlfriend sounded on tape. Yes, Mike, its your girlfriend, the blathering idiot who never shuts up, its not like its a secret or anything, there's just no way around the clearly audible fact she is VERY FUCKED UP and VERY PISSED OFF at you and she's kicking your phone machine's ass. I couldn't understand why he was bummed out. I suggested we do a couple of stiff bumps, and type the whole thing out, word for word, including the funniest part, the beeps and clicks. It took us about two hours of intense office work to get it all down. Alas, in the end, their love was not to be. Its interesting to read all the things she accuses him of in the light of what eventually happened two years later. (read above)

BEEP! CLICK!
transcribed verbatim from Mike Taylor's Phone Machine

BEEP!
Alright, since I figured you were't going home, 
and you did have something else you were doing, 
WISH YOU'D BE HONEST. 
Must be to much to ask.
Well, in that case, uh, 
CLICK!

BEEP!
I just wonder, uhh, where it is you're prowlin',
out with the 'Blurt,
or maybe with the Constant Constant in your life.
Uhmmm- Or who you're with, 
wearing the jacket I got for you 
and with the furniture I gave you in the back of your truck.
Hope you feel like a big man. You are.
You're just big, that's all.
CLICK!

BEEP!
The only thing is I just wish you had big enough balls 
to let me have the same rights you do, you know(heh heh )
No wonder you're always on the defense, 
you're keeping a bunch of secrets.
Well you don't have to anymore, 
You don't have a girlfriend to keep 'em from.
Sorry to have cramped your style. Hope you're havin' fun.
Wish I hadn't wasted so much time, 
really makes me wanna get loaded.
I THINK I WILL.
CLICK!

(continued in the next column)

BEEP! CLICK! (continued)

BEEP!
Just so you know, I loved you and I was faithfull all those times
Uhh- yeah- little boy doesn't get his way.
Who knows who you've been seein' all these times?
I'm sure you haven't dropped any 
of the ones you were carrying around
Good Bye! and I mean. . . DON'T CALL ME.
CLICK!

BEEP!
. . . yeah-- 
and I'm sure the nurse really was a guy, ya know.
I been wonderin' where you been puttin' it,
ummm, since I have'nt seen it.
Ya know, I really have, cuz I know that you, well,
I know better than to think 
that you're not doing something with that thing.
Ummmmm. . . .FEEL FREE. And I will to, and
I just hope that you won't let that stuff get stolen, 
cuz that piece of furniture has been in the family a long time 
and it would be a very sad thing. . . 
and disrespectful, and, but, ummm
no wonder you were acting like you didn't want it, 
YOU HAD PLANS.
Got somewhere to go, 
no wonder you didn't wanna come here.
You are very transparent at this moment,
and I don't like what I see.
Uhh-everything is more important than me
And you really don't want my body anymore 
and it's fucking obvious as hell, so,
I mean, at the times I'm fucking throwing myself at you,
You would rather have an argument, you know, 
when I look great. 
I'm going to stop wasting it on you.
I'm going, at this moment, to stop wasting myself on you.
Along with not calling, I hope you will not use my code.
I'd like you to forget it. I'd like you to forget where I live.
I'D LIKE TO FORGET WHO YOU ARE
-tchh (GOD) WHAT YOU DO AND THAT 
I'm not as important as a fucking joint!
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
CLICK!

BEEP!
Man. . . the 'birds of a feather' thing, ya know, I mean,
WHY____________ would I go on all this time knowing 
that the people you hang with would stick it anywhere, 
and thinking that you're not like that...
Can't figure it out.Well I know you're at least 
a little more selective, it's just
Old Girlfriends or anyone that's interested in you
So. . . HAVE FUN!
CLICK!

BEEP!
I'm gonna stop this obsessive calling after this,
But, you got what you wanted, you know, you got it back,
My undivided attention so you could shit all over it, 
One More Time.
Hope you're proud of yourself.
Hope you feel powerful.
umm, God, I thought that I was. . . 
I felt guilty cuz I thought that I wasnt't 
spending enough time with you
when you just never wanted me around anyway, like 
I'm for show or something, I don't know what it is.
But, uhh, it's phoney. I need something real.
Let me have the same freedom you do to go out chasing it
and yeah, you never had enough money 
to take your girlfriend out to dinner, but 
always have enough money to have your smoke.
Well, hah, if you don't have other chickies goin' on
maybe you can snag em' with some o' that,
or start doing that other stuff that's sure to suck em' in.
CLICK!

BEEP!
Ya know, what you said about not wanting 
that guys calendar cuz he was from the AA,
like people should be ashamed of that kind of thing,
lets me know exactly what you think of me,
and why you've been so supportive, 
and why MY NINETY DAYS MEANS SHIT TO YOU!
You know, uhh, you don't have to have 
a girlfriend you NEED to feel ashamed of,
and I____ can find a supportive boyfriend,
and you can hang with the chicks who do drugs, 
HEY, the FUN ONES. HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!
Have a good life.
CLICK!

BEEP!
And you were talkin' like you were all worried about O.G.
Well, I can see how worried you are about him.
PARTY WITH A FREE CONCIENCE
YOU SEALED THE DEAL WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND TONIGHT
JUST LIKE YOU WERE TRYING TO DO!
Well, I know you walked away 
feeling like it was still dangling,
cuz, I was still holding on and 
now that I know that indeed, 
that was what you were trying to do, 
as much as you deny it through your fuckin' teeth,
umm, PARTY ON with NO GUILT,
cuz you NO LONGER have a girlfriend.
CLICK!

BEEP!
Let's just face it,
were not good FOR each other, 
were not good TO each other,
we try to be but were NOT, and um, really. . .
without Chemical Assistance, 
we really DON'T have much of a relationship,
and I really wish it were'nt true, but it is,
and I really wish you were'nt out, when you were acting like you were all worried about your cat, or it was all cuz of your mood, really you had somewhere else to go the whole time.
You NEVER fuckin told the TRUTH.
How many other things did you lie about and keep to yourself?
I don't even wanna know
I'm gonna assume that it was ALMOST EVERYTHING,
and that I NEVER knew the man I was with,
And you know what?
That's the FIRST TIME that ever happened to me,
AND IT'S THE LAST...
CLICK!

do NOT trust this guy