RECORD REVIEWS by Willie

1. Beatles VI

Actually the seventh record from the Beatles in the US, which I appreciate cos 6 is the NUMBER OF SATAN!!

That record has a nice flow, going from raucous rockers, two by John (covers of Larry Williams, recorded in his birthday and recorded specially for the US market) and "Kansas City/Hey Hey Hey Hey" (some dude named Wilbert/Little Richard) by Paul. It's definitely not an uneven record. Starts with a bang, then goes gleeful, then a pop rocker by George with some awesome electric acoustic piano doubling, then another stomper -why if you may, allow me sometime to sip on this coffee and light this cigarette.

Ahh, done. I shan't describe how the record goes except it has gorgeous vocal harmonies as well as some shouting by Paul and John. Can you believe shit like "I Don't Want To Spoil The Party" and, most importantly, the heart wrenching "Yes It Is"? Of course you can't. You there, jaded teenager now listening to your nu-metal records and emo shit should pay attention to this, cos your concepts of "good songwriting", "harmonies" and "arrangements" can be kicked outta the wind pipe as this record is played.

Granted, they would evolve but this is 60's pop at its best. And rock'n'roll too in case you forgot. This album is the knees bees, man. Considering it's part of the butchering that Capitol had done with the Beatles' catalog, and that two tunes from the forthcoming UK Help! and two songs were done especially for this album, I can sympathize more with it. Ah, and I listen to "Yes It Is" as I type. That enough can inspire some chump to find a band and make some good music, but unfortunately shit like Oasis is seemingly sprouted by this. I don't hear Beatles influences in these hacks. Do you? Ahh shut up, nothing's worth really discussing. I have a Red Bull on the fridge and before this review gets overtly enthusiastic, I think I'll wrap it up with some words of wisdom:

To crap is the most profound sadness, the shit hits the water, the water hits your ass.

No wait, I've got more to say: find this album. Steal it as flac or mp3, Yoko, Sir Paul and Dhani and Ringo have enough money, just GET IT. The vocal harmonies, the energetic rockers, and that ba-doom on "Every Little Thing" are worth it. A short album, sure, but a GREAT one nonetheless. I think I'll go play it again. Or maybe... maybe I just take a break and listen to... to...I dunno, what the hell, just get on with it again. You should too. I know Pops did.

If you like my jive, I'm sho' it'll drive you to buy it. I didn't even go on a tangent and talked about myself. Just about the album. THAT'S dedication!

Hm, noticed in the liner that a lot of songs, most of 'em are sung by John & Paul together. This furthers my theory of there being more harmonies in this record than any other else. Though some songs were from the year before ('64), the company was smart to choose these songs. And there's a lot of piano there too! Pussylickingly great harmonies. "Oooooh"s and "Aaaah"s and "Mmmmm"s galore. That was my record I took on a cassette tape on my vacation in the woods last year! It's inspired, and godfuckingly positive (with it's gloomy-but- oh- so- gorgeous moments), And it can be a good soundtrack for some morning after piss-pissboner sex too! God I'm dripping with admiration.

Wait it's just the flu making my nose runny.

2. Out Of Our Heads - The Rolling Stones

Man I'm on a roll today, or should I say this morning and the preceding evening? All that coffee (and a Red Bull). See, when I decide I'm not gonna sleep cos I can't, I don't force myself to rest, but quite the opposite. So I drank all that stuff. Alcohol can't help cos I'm a non-drinker. I guess I'll have to hit the hay now and come back with my two cents on this album. Thought I could write now but ehhh, I'm just listening to it after a long LONG time without listening to it so let's wait till the day comes. I mean, when I wake up. IF I sleep.

Okay, I'm awake. But not ready yet to review it. As such, I'll ramble about how these records are mono. Up until Aftermath, Stones records were mono, or reprocessed stereo, which was even shittier. So we stay with mono. Could've been better, but I guess it fits the aesthetics of the early Stones sound. Am I boring you? I'll jes' shaddap an' review the record. Takes a few listens but it should come out. And a Scottish mixture on my pipe for this nice afternoon. Yes.

So crap. This is probably the most consistent achievement of the Rolling Stones till roundabouts '68 (I do like writing how consistent albums are, now don't I?) cos the seven originals here are mindnumbingly great. As to how did the Stones make such a quantum leap between the Chuck Berry-ish rock'n'roll of yore to this, I just don't know. I shouldn't name songs, but this has "The Last Time", "Satisfaction", "Play With Fire" (one of the greatest "fuck you rich bitch" songs they've ever made) and others that will make ya go "hoooo!" cos this record picks up some steam and rocks mercilessly till the US only track on the end, which has a positive message to end this sucker in a high note. And they're leaning more towards soul music this time (well and your usual r'n'b) but they're still rooted in the blues, that's for sure - just listen to the damn thing! The Beatles tricks were tricky; the Stones just slap some fuzz guitar and stick to their guns and boy do they deliver.

Now you wanna argue that they experimented with different sounds later on, but THIS is where the Stones are standing their ground. And there's a live rave up tacked in the end of side one if you want more rock action. Them Stones need not be poppy; they just need to make their female audiences piss in their pants (until later....) with some raucous songs of youthful rebellion, clueless promotion men, marital infidelity, an ultimatum to a girlfriend set to one of the greatest riffs ever, and Jones and Richards should keep on their interweaving pattern of playing their guitars, and Jagger should keep blowing that harmonica.

What's contained in here shouldn't be taken lightly - they haven't broadened their sound palette bar the fuzz guitars, but they offer great lyrics too. And Jagger doen't sound as insecure as he was before - this is the beginning of the cocky Mick Jagger, ready to take no prisoners except for some groupies (although Bill Wyman takes the crown on that) and Jones should keep a neurotic who can't write songs for "his" band - oh Brian Jones, lest we knew ya...

Look, I can't praise this album enough. After a couple of listens smoking my ole pipe (Scottish mixtures sure have some whiskey tang on it) I didn't find a duffer in this album. Treat it like old timey rock'n'roll; overlook the greatest hooks this mother has, and you'll be missing A LOT. Basically you're a motherfucker who knows jack shit about rock if you didn't give this a spin on the ole victrola. Do you even know the concept of riffing? Well it may have started before, but the pioneerism of it is HERE. And if you think, ahh, "single and filler single and filler" mind you that although substandard to the originals, the covers are fuckin' great too. And two ballads, one aforementioned and the soulish "Cry To Me". Two blues songs. Sit on this one. It IS that fuckin' great if I may use the term "fuckin' great" again. Fuckin' fuck fuckity fucken fuckall.

3. Nefertiti - Miles Davis

This review should be serious. After all, it's Miles Davis' second quintet. But Wayne Shorter must've been obsessed with that broad Nefertiti, I'll be damned if he didn't - I'll be damned if he didn't.

Say, this record has no compositions by Miles Davis at all! What gives? Post and hard bop seems to me as difficult music to describe. Sounds like loungey jazz, but played with a certain sense of freedom in the chords and notes used. As such, to me it's a loungey record. One that grabs your attention cos they're all doing interesting things (Wayne Shorter, Herbie Hancock, Tony Williams, Ron Carter, Miles - as if you don't know). It's sorta like even when they get to solo, the members seem to be enthralled into a musical world of their own, coming together in key moments to create harmony. No, that ain't free jazz as far vas I can tell, but it gets THIS close of the band members stomping in each others' dicks when not playing a melody, counter melody, or -shit, I ain't no specialist in jazz, YOU tell me what the fuck are they doing here. Aside from the Williams penned "Hand Jive", which speeds things up for a bit of bebop action, most of what you'll find here are moody, once-a-fuckin' again LOUNGEY jazz. But is it any good?

You bet your ass, mister, and the playing is topnotch. I particularly like Tony Williams. Once he's laying it low, swingey, then RRRRAP BAP BAP! I like this guy. The other musicians aren't messy or atonal; they appear to be just trying to follow a free pattern to stretch their chops. Oh say, THERE'S a pattern: the drums aren't always in 4/4 and neither are the musicians - or maybe they're fooling me; hear me out, sometimes they seem that they DON'T, but then again it must be Ron Carter playing off rhythm and Wayne, Miles and Herbie following suit. Now lemme light a Kools and groove to this. Yeah, it's really pleasant, without being off-kilter, as far as off-kilter goes. I shan't fool you: this is not really easy listening, nor is feels too much groundbreaking if compared to other Miles' efforts. It just spins there in your victrola, radiating coolness...

The title track is the most interesting one to my ears, hands down, reflecting the queen's influence into converting Egypt's religion into henotheism and ruling on her own after her husband's death in the - oh wait: this review should be serious. It has their band continuously playing a melody while Williams and Carter raise hell around it - like a prog rock composition! What the hell maybe it was all about her BUST. Maybe Shorter was obsessed with her Nefer Titties (disclaimer: some reviewers have done that joke before).

I know, Miles would never go into free jazz zone and so he didn't, but he sure created a thin line between this kinda jazz and the free kind. And it came in '68! Where's the roots rock revival? Couldn't he get a harmonica player and a slide guitarist? Anyways, this is a great album to me and for those who aren't afraid of EDGY loungey swinging music with a hyperactive drummer, this is right up your alley! Really! Some extremely skillful musicians, they wait for each others' turn or do something in a contrapuntal way that's INTERESTING, and the whole mood of the record is smooth, so it shouldn't offend your delicate ears. And the songs are short enough not to distract ADD addled people. I mean JAZZ short. And even a lil delicate three minute ditty.

Tit jokes aside, one should ask why in the hell Wayne Shorter made such a messy composition for a pharaoh's wife. But that's another business. A business me and you will take care of, in the desert, with a shot in the back of your head.

4. TNT - AC/DC

As I'm wont to do, it's utmost necessary for you to steal the living Mp3s of this record. Nah, just kidding. Or am I? It's AC/DC's second Australian LP, which without two tracks that makes it rule and with two tracks that suck from the Australian debut, makes up for the American/European High Voltage, the band's debut outside of Oz. OI! Oi! Oi!

Now really, old AC/DC took you places where you'd never expect, while post '80 AC/DC just sang about their dicks. Sure, there's some boastfulness on this record, but also a jovial exploitation on the thematics of being an aspirant r'n'r playa - no hatin'! THIS is where they establish their trademark sound, and play some mean RAWK that's assured to make you stomp your feet and bang your head - no really, there are no slouches in this record, as far as I can hear. Raw guitars, a very basic production and BAGPIPES on "It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock'n'Roll)"! How's that for you? Sure, there's some studio trickery, but aren't you just glad that they're there doing that call-and-response with Angus Young's guitar? They're my friends! We were born to each other! We touch each other in funny places!

Sure, Putting the similarly a similarly themed song right afterwards is a bit on the slight side, but these songs rule - both of 'em! - so who the fuck am I to argue? what are my credentials? I just record my stuff with a Telecaster and sing over them and call them "songs" while in the end of the day they might as well be shit, so youse hain't talking to a pro musician here. A reviewer? Don't you kid me, philistine! I just write about the records I like and what I do like or don't in them. And I like this record. A LOT. It was there during my teens, when you had to pay a blue streak to get Australian AC/DC albums shipped to my country. And my kind sir and ma'am, this record delivers in spades as far as I can tell. It would take a bit long for AC/DC to display such charisma as it is displayed in here. Bon is everywhere - braggin', telling how it is in the business, cooing, shouting, or just being a plain "Rocker"! Oh did you hear that one? It RULZ, man! It's about the fastest song they've ever done, and guess - ah shit just look at the title of the song.

And side two flows without a hitch. "Rocker" stops abruptly in mid solo to give way to the reworking of their first single with Bon (with a bit of a countdown first), then "High Voltage" ends with a sustained note that's interrupted by a snare hit that leads us to Chuck Berry's "Schooldays", and before you ask, that cover packs a punch too. But "Rocker", ooo, Bon's delivery is frantic! You'll be boogie-in'' all over the place with your air guitar like a crazed mofo when you come across that one. Can't you tell that this record rules? Loud guitars, raw as all hell - the trademark '70's AC/DC sound. Should anybody be a complaint wart about this mother? The title track is a classic and so are others! Find out by yourself, fucker!

Word of caution: the US/UK "High Voltage", "It's A Long Way To The Top" is shortened a few choruses in the end and "Can I Sit Next To You Girl" starts without the "countdown". As if you should care. Why aren't you buying this record already? Are your ears fucked or something? The guitars hum, ring, and RIP with distortion and rawness. And what's more, this record is CATCHY! Never mind the naysayers, AC/DC with Bon is as essential and catchy as jizz all over your girl's face. Now you two go get a shower.

Did I mention they use maracas in some songs here? Hell yeah! And we all know how important a maraca is to rock'n'roll. So there. A great singer, two guitars in stereo throwing amazing riffs, some blues, some rock - and maracas!

5. Leg End - Henry Cow

Boy is this some convoluted music. But I guess that's the way it goes with these Canterbury fellas and their brand of progressive rock. This is called Rock In Opposition, but as of this, their first album, mostly instrumental, it could fall easy in the category of "prog

Polyrhythms; exercises in polyrhythmic patterns within the rhythm section and the band itself, both experiments in avant garde and jazzy octaphonic scales, as well as more traditional pentatonic harmonies (and man, that drummer Chris Cutler can PLAY - you notice that right on their first track - and also I may be talking out my ass; not about Cutler though) and atonality along with unusual ideas of how a melody can go and what constitutes it. What strikes me is: are these fully baked compositions? Or a jazzy approach to a composed head and then they make shit as they go along?

It's hard to pin down what exactly are they aiming for here cos as I've said before, a lot of it seems to be dicking around, but further listens reveal one thing that's for sure: instead of most outfits of its ilk, they work more as an unit than anything else, and the results are splendid. I find myself very satisfied with this record. Take "Amygdala", for one: at first, they're working in a herky jerky, fast - after the delicate intro with one clean, and one distorted, but buried guitars, as a flute comes on and make the proceedings very tasteful as the piano comes - melody with a brilliant concept of harmony that's fuckin' great with counterpoints and the instruments complementing each other as Geoff Leigh returns with the flute and they stick to a calm, introspective melody and then they follow on to another brief exercise, tingled by softer moments, on churning out a complex, polyrhythmic and dynamic melody; well enough said is that they travel through moments of lightness and tension - without blasting your head off.

That's not to say that sometimes that sense of "playing as an unit" goes down to the shitter as the clock strikes twelve and you have Leigh and Tim Hodgkinson, just making noise on their saxes as the band enters full blown avant garde mode on "Teenbeat Introduction", but that's nothing to worry cos they keep their masturbating tendencies at bay and sound ominous, sometimes calm, sometimes just making you wonder at the prowess of this band. A strong sense of dynamics, good stereophonic production, violins sometime adding to the brew. Sometimes they even get into pseudo swing mode for a few seconds!

And God bless Fred Frith (not to mention John Greaves, who plays some of the most interesting bass melodies this side of prog-avant garde-what have you-rock) for his always interesting electric and acoustic work, creating melodies quite off-the-cuff and innovative. Yes innovative. It's 2010, ladies and gentlemen, and this stuff surely sounds fresher than anything that might come out nowadays in my opinion. And they're all masters at a LOT of instruments. You may think one fella is playing that wheezy organ or piano, might as well be the other guy! And it's Frith who comes with the violin - how's that for musical prowess? This is probably the most talented bunch of fellas in progressive rock, hands down. Music for the sake of music? Nah, they DO honestly try (and succeed, at least to me) in making you get the hang of many moods, from dark to threatening, to a clarinet lilting softness, to calmness if I may repeat myself, to Frith playing a mean guitar on "Teenbeat Reprise" and they NEVER stay in a straight four-on-the-floor rhythm! Oh and there are voices. Talking, making a "choir" of sorts, or just singing in "Nine Funerals Of The Citizen King"

As an appreciator of avant garde and free jazz, I do not find myself at all offended that yes, they sometimes DO make shit as they go along, but that's the very nature of this kinda music, innit? Ah, people who crap as they do things, stinkin' up the joint. You might find this too tippity-tappity-drumrollish in the drum department and too filled with notes that refuse to ROCK, really, and at times quite abrasive, but give it a chance and you might find this zany concoction pretty much catchy! Also, pay attention whether you're buying the original mix or the East Side remix, cos they're quite different. Some instruments are buried, some of the harmonies sound different due to said burial, some other instruments come out, there's some reverb where in the original mix it was drier, and so on. Not that I'm knocking it. They just sound very different, but still pleasing overall.

6. The Velvet Underground (1st album)

Quite frankly, this band annoys the shit outta me. That's right. But when they go outta their way to do an album with actual MELODIES and none of that "Sister Ray" experimental crap, they (Lou Reed) prove to be very good songwriters! And I like this album. Except for the lack of amateurish atonal dung, they're still pretty much spot on regarding their thumpa-thumpa drum sound, but the guitars? Not abrasive and actually they wring out some good stuff from it for a change! John Cale's viola would work WONDERS on that kinda record, but alas, he's not there anymore.

Well, power to them cos they've decided to do a poppish, quick on the corners album that pleases me and doesn't sound druggy at all. See, they're a limited group, but they can be a very melodic outfit if they want to. So why weren't they before? Yeah, I know you might scoff and point at their "Sunday Mornings" and "Femme Fatale" efforts of yore, but you must waddle through a sea of SHIT to find any gems in their catalogue prior to this record. They'd get even more rock-oriented later on, but what strikes me is that this record offers gorgeous melodies without sacrificing their roots, and you bet your ass on that, mister.

The opener "Candy Says" shows that they were capable of sheer beauty while still sounding like the old Velvet Underground, and oh is it a gorgeous song! Why didn't they let Doug Yule sing more often? And what about those "too-too-ahhhs" in the end? Furthermore, with Yule on the bass, this means that there are two guitars now, much to Sterling Morrison's delight since he hated playing bass before.

And the guitars, being undistorted (save for a double tracked solo on the awesome ummm...rocker, yeah, let's call it a rocker since this band is slow most of the time "What Goes On") do wonders when situated on interplay action. No, it doesn't go further than rhythm and lead, but still they're DISTINCT.

Ahh, drinking milk from the carton is good innit? My tummy hurts with hunger and there won't be any food for me for at least three hours from now. I haven't slept this night and I feel like dropping dead but even with the ceiling fan on, it's hot, man! One might suggest "you should've taken your sleeping pills" but shit, I wanna sleep naturally. I just can't now. And I have this album on repeat so it sinks into my psyche for a more objective review. But who in the hell can claim I'm objective? I may have been positive in my reviews so far, but objective? All I know is what I like. My Davidoff English blend has ended and I want a good, smooth blend to put in my pipe bowl and relax in my raggy bed - at LEAST relax. Scottish is heavy, Royalty is WAY too heavy, Green turns really crappy in the end, all I'm left with it's the Danish. Guess I'll go for that. I could be talking about this album but I'm rambling about myself and my life. I don't know what drives me forward everyday. Ahh fuck let me fill my bowl and take a few puffs. That's bipolar disorder for you, sir! Sleepy or buzzed up. Depressed or euphoric. Who the fuck cares anyway? On to my pipe. Either way, I suppose I'll go on with this later cos now I'm not in the mood.

(twelve hours later)

Look, I'm not gonna pretend it's all peaches and herb as I drink my ice green tea and force myself to do this. But I'd wager it's a good exercise in patience and a good way to end the day - if only I could get a lay - so on to The Velvet Underground's 1969 self-titled album, The Velvet Underground. This is Velvet Underground being slow as usual, but not druggy. You'll find boppy la-de-da songs, one with the cute vocals of drummer Maureen Tucker to finish the album, and Lewis Reed's lazy singing seems to be inspired, often helped by harmonies on fuckin' gorgeous songs pleading redemption ("Jesus"), to songs of self exaltation ("I'm Set Free") and wait - is this a fuckin' Christian album or somesuch shit? Not that I'm knocking it, it's alright by me if Lou wants to get spiritual; he has the right to. In fact, apart from the subdued nature of this album, there seems to be a gospellish mood in it too (with organs and shit), although Lou's butt ugly vocals ruin the catchy "I'm Beginning To See The Light" as if he's really getting saved by Our Lord Almighty but man, that chorus in the coda "How does it feeeel to be looooooved?" is awesome. What the the hell, I'm probably not making sense here.

I'll wrap it up with one caveat: they STILL try to be "experimental" and waste eight minutes of side two with a jangly ascending chord progression with two guys in each speaker talking different stuff and then lead to an outta tune chorus featuring Doug and Mo, and end with a nice piano coda, but even then they have to bang on it a few times so they fulfill their requirements of "artsy". "Artsy" my ass, these guys are inept at going any further than making simple but off kilter pop songs. Plus, that stuff has been done by Zappa on "Flower Punk" a year before, you tryin' to fool me? So crap, that's about the only complaint cos these songs are relaxing and catchy, which is some mean feat for these fellas. And if you're wondering about the mixes, the Lou Reed "closet mix" has a different take of "Some Kinda Love", vocals more upfront and less dynamics. You shitty VU fans my be inclined to seek it as it is oh so lo-fi. I couldn't give two shits. Just mind that there is a batch of songs here that range from the ecstatic to mournful and still keep their murky vibe, if you thought they became a stupid pop band. They didn't.

And I'm done! I'll bask in the glory of my achievement by enjoying a nice Kools - man I'm the shit.

7. Ornette On Tenor - Ornette Coleman

My isn't it Ornette Coleman now. And just to show how 'cool' and 'against the grain' I am, I review an album of his playing not his usual alto sax, but rather the tenor. First you get the impression that everything sounds the same - main theme, wank wank wank, return to main theme. And Ornette sounds raspy, much like Coltrane, if it was Coltrane in '66-'67. So this is a truly ahead of its time album! Granted, Ornette does NOT seem to be fully comfortable with his axe here, but he still has the inventivity and capability of exploring the tonality of the tenor sax. Uncomfortably so. If I may reiterate myself. And I am doing so. So fuckin' sue me, piece a' shit.

On the opening eleven minute "Cross Breeding", Coleman seems to be exorcising some demons inside of him playing a fast as fuck flurry of notes on the tenor as if there's no tomorrow (and he's even on his own for a few minutes in the beginning) as the band plays dynamically behind him after the start-stop head of the tune. Jimmy Garrison, though, seems to be uncomfortable with the experience, normally displaying his chops in a mostly pedestrial manner (as far as "pedestrian" goes with free jazz) - but that's not to say that he's not excellent anyways, only that he wasn't the monster he'd become with Trane later on. Ed Blackwell's work is great, going through a variety of polyrhythms while still keeping a steady beat. And then there's Don Cherry, unexpected and unusual, waiting to take his turn or alongside Ornette, doing the "let's see how can we complement each others' madness" dealie, and they do it well.

Strangely enough, you could even call some songs here bebopish or at times they even swing if you can believe that mister. Well, no hurries, I'll be appreciating this the whole day long, so as the faster section of "Cross Breeding", with its collapsing moments and shining interplay - atonal to some, but rather a mindfuck to me, I'll have a bowl of Scottish mixture. Yes I like tobacky but not the wacky. Call me a connoisseur or whatever. I just wanna relax to this.

Hey, that's not only for relaxing! So I went to two groups, came back, chugged two Red Bulls, went to the treadmill and listened to it twice in my Mp3 player, and it dawned on me: there are hidden nuances in this album that really require some listening so you don't think it's samey, cos it CAN (and often DOES) sound samey (another conclusion I've arrived upon). On "Mapa", for once, Ornette lays it low and with longer notes, while Cherry actually takes the busier role of the two horns and Blackwell alternates between a completely free, improvised approach with tom rolls and such and it picks up some steam, but mostly, the mood is toned down, with a few swingey moments, and quite MELODIC if I may say.

A bit nagging, is that Coleman doesn't explore the low-to-altissimo range and sometimes falls flat in the same ground again and again. Well, it was an experiment, so why complain? Man this red tea is the shit. So where were we? Ah, the experimental aspects of it. As a matter of fact, those very experimental aspects keep some songs rooted in a more "conventional", ordinary, run-of-the-mill if I may say, structure. There's nothing really special about the other three compositions on side two except that some might reveal a shining moment of convergence such as the short drum solo leading to the closing theme of "Eos", but in the end of the day, it's all kinda limited by whatever was keeping these musicians from having more freedom in it - maybe it was just because Ornette wanted to showcase his tenor chops more than anything else. Still, a good album; not for the easily distressed, and not for the beginner on Ornette's endeavors. Me I just dig what I dig. Dig?

8. Abraxas - Santana

Boy does my hip hurt. I gotta be more careful at that treadmill. You put on a King Crimson '74 concert on the Mp3 player, you keep going like a motherfucker. As such, Santana's Abraxas. I ain't gonna lie, all these songs sound pretty much like different parts of one bigass song. I have absolutely no idea what makes any particular song mambo, calypso, salsa or whatever you can name-influenced. But these songs are a-okay and there's some deviation from the HOTCHA! latin action that's so prevalent here. Plus Carlos Santana is one hell of a good guitarist. A good buddy of mine told me a few things that can give me (and presumably, you) a way to gauge the impact of this album. He said simply that nobody had listened to that kind of music before - it was something new back then in 1970 for the general public. I asked if the Woodstock appearance was important - actually I said something along the lines that "it's safe to say that it took Woodstock and the hits on this album to make people pay attention" and he said that it was not only safe to say, but "more than safe, very accurate".

So there was "Black Magic Woman" and "Oye Como Va". Yep. So now everybody was doing that dancing that makes the ladies shake their tits as well. Cos you know, it was some HOTCHA! latin action goin' on mister!

But I ain't gonna win you over just saying it's a record with congas, timbales, maracas, etc. etc., mixed with some rock. There some funky moments, some jazzy moments, even a soothing nice lil solo by Carlos on the multi-parted "Incident At Neshabur", with some bossa nova for us Brazilians - hey! Carlos is an interesting player as well. Not only does the guy is able to let it rip when he wants (and he does it some times here) but he's extremely melodic. It's nice to hear a guitarist that actually puts some real feeling into what he plays - nevermind that his style have become a cliché nowadays; he's got a great sense of what to do and what not to do at any given moment. And the whole band is great: nice steamy Hammond organs and electric piano giving it even a Bitches' Brew feel at times, the percussionists needn't be mentioned, and I don't know if the drummer is the same kickass drummer from the Woodstock appearance, but he's a kickass drummer nonetheless.

And you have that all together and have even more than some HOTCHA! latin action, mister! The songs are well written, moody, uplifting, rockin' (yeah! ROCKIN'!), introspective, insert your reviewer adjective there cos I'm fuckin' tired and it took me more than thirty listens to this album to see why is it any good. I mean I can SEE why people can go apeshit over it, but me, I just like it fine but wouldn't listen to it often although listenings are rewarding for those willing to give in to the music in here. But I'll be damned if "Samba Pa Ti" isn't by any stretch of the word, a samba. I may know shit about the music from my country, but I know what a fuckin' samba is, and I listened to "Follow You Follow Me" from Genesis and it's the same rhythm. Calypso, right? See that's what gets me - this stuff is interchangeable and it can very fuckin' well wear thin. If it weren't for the good songwriting here - it's solid, hooky, catchy and shit.

With some HOTCHA! latin action for you! Now now, really, tossing the word "groundbreaking" around when you don't even dig the album too much and understand that it MEANT something new for people back then might not be wrong, but I don't wanna belittle the album or anything; it just doesn't excite me that much okay? Just you mind that it deserves the status it has.

9. No. 2 - The Rolling Stones

Now any record that opens with such ZEST and JOVIALITY as this one ah fuck it. It's the Stones' second album from England which has some tracks from their second and third in the US. And it's a fuckin' great album oh don't you know it. One of my faves! Ditto, Out Of Our Heads is the one with the hits but this one is oh so filled with rhythm'n'blues and Chuck Berry action that, hell it ain't no improvement over their first, it's just that I like it better. As I was saying, you start with "Everybody Needs Somebody To Love". Five minutes of, shit some of the finest and most hip shakin' finger snappin' r'n'b ever. Jagger preaches on, Charlie keeps that backbeat, Bill lets loose the snappy bassline, Ian and one of the guitarists play the melody, and another guitarist keeps just throwing licks here and there, much like a man over a woman's body. It's a real jam goin' on! Do you understand the importance of such LOOSENESS? Fuckin hell yeah. Like any other white British group with more media exposure as this group would do that. And it's their SECOND album, man!

You get them laying it low on songs like "Down Home Girl" (going ever so slightly to that mysoginistic route), soulful and solemn on Irma Thomas' "Time Is On My Side", but they really WIN here with Chuck Berry's "You Can't Catch Me" and "Down The Road Apiece", which legend says that Chuck himself saw them perform on the studio and was dutifully impressed. So this album was one of the biggest sellers in UK on '65? Good enough for that, I'd wager, cos there's just prime stuff here. You want slide guitar? The Jagger/Richards penned "What A Shame" and Muddy Waters' "I Can't Be Satisfied" on side two have some nice stingin' slide action by our good fella Brian Jones. As Keith's wont to do in the Chuck Berry numbers, Brian delivers as well.

And the guitar interplay? There's always a little thing here and there where Keith and Brian keep complementing each others' lines - their 'patented' guitar weaving, if you will, which is really cool. Mick still sounds like a kid desperately trying to be black, but hay, it hain't no problemo! By HIMSELF alone, his voice is already cool. Oh for a gentler God and those days where Mick could sing. Damn.

And Damn again for the sole importer of Davidoff tobacco here to be out of stock until fuckin' February. I'm gonna get their last tin, more Scottish mixture (which rules anyways) but then what the fuck am I supposed to smoke? Borkum Riff? Ha, I sneer ye, lowly one. I'm tired. Today I came from the gym and didn't wait till the night and went to the treadmill here at home right away. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. And we're ordering Chinese again. Do you feel like some days you just want the day to be over with? Of course, I could just sleep but then I'm fucked up at night if I ever try to sleep. Maybe a nap, okay, but really, the nagging feeling here is that I just wanna lay down, have somebody putting an IV serum drip on my arm and let the rest of the miserable day go fuck itself. Yes, will meet with uncle, meet with girlfriend, but man, wouldn't be the knees bees if they just came here, my uncle with the tobacco, I pay him, my girlfriend with a blowjob, I let her sit on my face? Good thing that this is a feel good album.

Okay, so I met with my uncle and bought me a Savinelli 601 pipe. That's classy shit, man! The downside is that I've spent all my money on it. Good pipes sure cost moolah, dude. So, to think: I'm gonna give another listen on No. 2 while savoring a good Royalty mixture on my Savinelli.

Aaaaand....it was SPLENDID. I smoked a Scottish mixture as well, and what the fuck, nobody wants to read about smoking a pipe anyways. I think I got the runs though. Lemme check - no I don't. Anyways, what else can I say about this record? You've got blues, you've got r'n'b, you've got reminded that once they were young and hungrier than their party happy sex and drugs image of later would suggest, and that Keith Richards was a mean mofo on guitar - yes, a great lead guitarist. And it all boils down to a damn good album, still rooted on covers, but just like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones make em their own too. They still haven't got the hang of it too well on "Under The Boardwalk", though. Cute, yes. But oh so cheesy and out of place that not even the cool 12-string acoustic guitar solo can save it. Guess there's gotta be a duffer, eh? The sound quality varies too, what with it being recorded in three different places during their '64 US tour. No great shakes, though.

And if you think Creedence Clearwater Revival is cool with their cover of Dale Hawkins' "Suzie Q", just wait till you get to the end of this album for some REAL DAMN FOOKIN' AWESOME ROCK ACTION. What a way to end an album. What an album - I've said a feel good album, now didn't I? Well you bet your ass that it is! You'll dance, you'll tap your foot, you'll let it loose in glee as this little sucker plays on yer victrola!

10. Bongo Fury - Frank Zappa

I have a special relationship with this record. It was the second I've ever heard of Zappa, and chiefly due to my interest in Captain Beefheart, whom I previously heard on "Willie The Pimp" on Hot Rats - shit there's a thunderstorm, maybe I should get back to this later.

There, it's over. So as I was saying, the Capn' as I've read was a pretty zany guy, plus I liked his voice - and still do - and it was merry fun, going to Román Garcia Albertos' site and reading the lyrics, going to ARF and finding out about "Debra Kadabra" being about an episode in Don Vliet's life where he smeared himself with his mom's Avon goods, getting a rash and having to spend time concealed in his aunt's house in LA till it went away; "Cucamonga" being about Frank, Don and their crew doing the Captain Beefheart Vs. The Grunt People movie, laughing at whoever shouts "BOOGIIEEE" while the Captain ecstatically shouted about how much he wished a pair of bongos "AAAAAA BONGO FURYYY" while Frank and the Mothers played "Louie Louie", training myself to sing low on "Cucamonga" and "Muffin Man" and well, enjoying this album a whole damn lot.

Although apart from "Debra Kadabra", there are no songs with tricky time signatures and/or melodic/rhythmic runs, but the main thing here is the BLUES. Go figure, one of the albums you cherish the most from Frank Zappa is an album where he sticks to the blues. Doubtlessly to suit Don's tastes, but man, bear with me here, those were the days! My early twenties! Me and my band who was a hard rock power trio, then had me in screeching and playing my alto sax and making them play "Willie The Pimp" and "King Kong"! Very prolific days - shit I may have about seventy 90-minute cassettes of music I composed those days. Nevermind that I was a codeine junkie though. Those were the days! Granted, I was also buying a shitload of King Crimson and old Mothers' stuff too, and eventually got me Trout Mask Replica (and got the even better Lick My Decals Off Baby on Napster) which had me and a friend with whom I've enjoyed Bongo Fury a lot in stitches, but even this album had us in stitches already.

I mean "Carolina Hard Core Ecstacy"? Goddamn funny lyrics and oh don't you wanna sing along, and what a beautiful vocal harmony in it. And Frank's solo! We thought he was godlike on "Willie" but then he comes and OBLITERATES on the fucker. And Terry Bozzio - I knew him from UK's second album, what a mean drummer! You might complain "well this has George Duke and Napoleon Murphy Brock and Bruce Fowler but where's the "Roxy" action?" Well FUCK the "Roxy" action! Just lay some bluesy grooves with a hyperactive drummer and let the Capn' sing and blow that mean harmonica of his! And while you're at it, make it better: put a slide guitar player! Yeah! Denny Walley! This band might not be the Mothers of '73-'74 but they ROCK, man.

Yes, they rock and there ain't a single duffer in here. Let me pick a lemon soda for a change while we keep discussing this for a bit more. There. Oh let me light a Kools too. So you've got songs about old memories, a song about a woman getting off on being stomped, a recitation that I still don't get too much but I figure it's no great shakes, and ANOTHER recitation where I DID figure out, only it was so hard to put in words that I DREW the man with the woman head with a cigarette holder by a drive-in muttering "You cheap son of a bitch" and we rolled in laughter. And there's the blues in here too, with some nice slide guitar, and in "Advance Romance" Frank letting it loose and playing like a motherfucker. I've had read that this tour is where Frank let loose some of his most wicked, raw and loose playing, and it shows here. "Muffin Man" goes as far as having a little fuckup as he's frantically reaching the high notes of his solo!

I think by this point you've figured out that I pretty much adore this album. So, shit, buy it! You may call it "stylistically limited" and "without challenging music", and I may just tell you to go fuck yourself and get on with my life. As we all do. Yes, telling each other to go fuck ourselves is a staple of the human behavior.

11. Lick My Decals Off, Baby - Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band

The obvious choice for the Capn's best for all Beefheart snobs. Why you, have you HEARD the fuckin' thing? It IS his finest moment without a doubt for me - having a marimba playing the lines that are supposed to go on with a guitar? Double drum attack from two of the kickassest drummers ever? It's nuts, man! Such motherfuckin' brilliance SHOULD BE RECOGNIZED, and here, ladies and gentlemen, IT DAMN SURE WILL! And happy 69th birthday, Don! Hell yeah! It's 26 minutes past January 15th, but hell if I care and I'll go on my coffee binge listening to these gutbustingly awesome shows of the Decals era, as well as the Spotlight Kid era, and the Clear Spot era as well.

Look, you can't go wrong when you've got Bill Harkleroad, Art Tripp, John French and Mark Boston in your band. They are just musicians that defy the laws of what can be considered virtuosistic; they're just otherworldly. You point me somebody that can play music that's so complex and yet so loose at the same time - and they do it exactly as on the record live too; I have proof of it, natch. The drums keep on complementing each other when not simply sounding like two drummers gone nuts on songs like "Japan In A Dishpan" and how do they complement? Take "Doctor Dark", where one does one roll, then the other does a roll, then a double bass drum pattern goes on and the other keeps hitting the cymbals. And the zanyness goes on as the bass seems to be playing a melody that doesn't go with anything else, yet it GOES, and the guitar lines keep repeating patterns that vary often, yet converging with the whole rhythm set by the drummers and the basslines? And catchily so! God's wounds! How do they fuckin' DO IT?

This should go all night long so I have time to write long paragraphs praising this to the nines. I'm on a Beefheart binge! If you allow me, I'll smoke a Danish mixture while laying down to the sounds of Spotlight Kid/Clear Spot.

So here we go. 'Nother cup of coffee, and some smoke. Well, as a "professional critic" would put it, this is stylistically similar to Trout Mask Replica -follows the same formula, and it is indeed Don banging on a piano and this time, instead of Drumbo, Zoot "transcribing" it according to Don's wishes (I picture the piano stuff being translated onto instruments, and then the Capn' saying "bend that note!" "do it with the slide so it goes like this") but that didn't make that much of a difference when you deal with that similar style dealie.

The crazy thing, is that unlike a few exceptions on Trout, this songs are even hummable and - hell take "The Smithsonian Institute Blues" and tell me it doesn't have a straight (but odd nonetheless) beat and a snappy guitar line? Or how "I Wanna Find Me A Woman That'll Hold My Big Toe Till I Have To Go" doesn't have a hooky chorus in the end? And how the two drums seem to be a train racing to the end of the tracks in "Bellerin' Plain"? You take this, you take that - the marimba interludes and interplay with the guitar from Ed, the beauty of the guitar and bass duet "Peon". And the bass! Oh Rockette Morton's bass; dude plays with fingerpicks and wrings out chords from the bass amongst doing sundry fabulousnesses with it.

And Don comes with two blues songs, one moody and quiet with ever-so-shifting tempos and whips out some SICK harmonica on "I Love You You Big Dummy" that contains some clever wordplay for those interested on it. "Love has no body, no body has love!" And the title track, apart from Don's claims of it being a call to arms for people to "lose their labels", has even a reference to a famous band we all know so well - find it for yourself, man. Talking about dinosaurs, ecology, whatever you may try to find here I'm sure you will. And if I mentioned two blues songs here, lemme remind you that this IS rooted in the blues, even if you think it owes more to jazz. A bit of each, maybe, but this is blues, just an unusual and unprecedented take on it. And tight playing. And Don's saxophone occasionally, bring that chaotic feel to it. Heck, listen to the last song! Genius. And great production too. My, some band members of a certain band oughta have some FAT recognition. Nobody plays like this - nobody CAN. And this was recorded in a week, mind you.

On to my binge! Who knows, maybe I'll review ANOTHER Beefheart album! How's that your way?

12. Sticky Fingers - The Rolling Stones

So I was supposed to review another album, and the evening has just begun - skies ain't even dark. However, my laziness today prompts me to run on the treadmill AFTER my girlfriend's gone and that'll be be Jesus I don't know, one in the morning. Which will then be my birthday! And Mick Taylor's birthday! So howzabout talkin' about my favorite Stones album, which has him playing on it, as well as being uncredited?

I know what you're thinking. Nowadays, the usual hip crowd of Taylorites has fallen to the category of unhip, so praising the guy seems imbecilic and out of touch with what people really think about what's good and what's not for the Rolling Stones. Well sir, may I invite you to sit down AND LISTEN TO THIS FUCKIN' ALBUM?! I appear to be getting overexcited, but really, this is the Rolling Stones, taking the know how from the two preceding albums to the logical extreme, free from a moneygrubbing manager, still not hampered by excessive drug use, with a bucketful of confidence when everybody thought they should stop, and showcasing the baddest lead guitarist they could ever have. Yeah! Fuckin' Mick Taylor RULES and FUCK YOU if you don't think so, or variations on this kinda bullshit like "he didn't fit their image". So what? The man just wanted to PLAY and PLAYING IS WHAT HE DID.

Hey there! It's fuckin' midnite and sixteen and happy fuckin' birthday to me and Mick Taylor!

Well, I did what I was supposed to. Hey man, there's no need for a boost for sex, but those two Red Bulls and that Propel were surely needed to run in the treadmill and man, I'm TIRED AS DIARRHEA, shit, no, crap, ah, poo, MAN I'M ExHAUSTED. Maybe I should go GIVE ME COFFEE GIVE ME COCAINE GIVE ME METH or whatever, but as a man who gets his kicks outta sobriety - more so than when I wrote that piece of shit Screaming For Vengeance review, I shan't go on that route. Now I'm hearing "Wild Horses". That song is gorgeous. And it's on this album. Lemme light a Kools. There. Some people say that Gram Parsons wrote the thing, some say he had an influence, some say his version is better with the Flying Burrito Brothers and I couldn't give a Flying Tortilla Fuck, cos with all due respect to the guy except for that "other" influence he had on Keith, this is Keith's baby. And so multilayered. About three guitars on the song, gorgeous vocal harmonies, Mick still knowing how to sing.

"Brown Sugar"! "Bitch"! "Dead Flowers!" "WIld Horses" again! You know you're getting a fine fine product by these honkies as they can play a mean riff, write country songs with naturality - I mean, just listen to "Dead Flowers"! And those lyrics - man, they get their sex'n'drugs'n'rock'n'roll vibe with a feeling of REALITY here. They were LIVING that. Yet they keep good taste enough not to sound like your ordinary mysoginistic rock group here. Cos like I've said, it still didn't get to them as hard as it would about a year later. Plus this record has been worked on since '69 so don't think for a minute that they didn't know what were they doing here. Keith was a riff machine that wasn't on a heroin induced auto pilot yet. Mick and Mick were working nite-long sessions and churning anthems of weariness, getting old, succumbing to a lifestyle that'd suck the life outta them, decadence - well that's a stretch cos there were Keith too, but then you got "Sway".

What to say about "Sway"? The angry riff by Jagger, the beautiful slide by Taylor, the orchestration and man, that solo in the end, building up and up and up and you wonder where did it go after the fadeout cos you wish it never ended. He's all over the record, except for "Bitch" where Keith takes the Chuck Berry lead and Keith might've been a better lead player in earlier days, but you'll never, NEVER find something that this guy does with his guitar that can be called sub-par. No siree, no no.

Did I say '69? Well, one of the spookiest songs about drugs comes from '68 actually, and Ry Cooder plays some HAUNTING slide on it. Yeah, "Sister Morphine". Holy shit, can you find anything wrong with this album? Need I mention that the downright VIOLENT riffing of Keith on "Can You Hear Me Knocking" makes way for a cool latin (should I say HOTCHA?) jam with Bobby Keyes on the sax then there you go, it's Taylor again. And AGAIN on "Moonlight Mile", such a soothing and beautiful way to end an album, with orchestration by Paul Buckmaster again as on "Sway", and that part where suddenly from the whole shebang comes a little riff by Keith and it goes to a climax before calming down again. Yes, dude, Taylor had a lot to do with the songwriting here but I won't bitch about it. Why should I? It's no use! If anything, he just churns out goodness all over the album, which is probably the best production they've had - multilayered, thoughtful, shit I'm repeating myself but man, I can't help it. No I can't.

I don't even know what to think when it comes to the greatness of this here platter. And the WHOLE band makes up for it, along with Stu and Nicky Hopkins, a sign that you're gonna have some of the finest keyboardists ever, Bobby I've mentioned him, and oh yeah - there are two blues songs here, IF WHAT IT ALREADY HAS AIN'T ENOUGH. Holy shit, man, I mean - you don't have this record, your record collection isn't complete. Nor does your Mp3, Flac, SHN and APE. collections, chump.

Funny cover art too! So lemme finish this review. There. It's finished.

13. Atom Heart Mother - Pink Floyd

Whooof, another late night threadmill. And I took a hot shower and it's hot - big mistake o' mine - and I'm knackered again, but slightly so, dunno why. I was rooting for doing AC/DC's Dirty Deeds, but I've been listening to this one a lot so here we go. Childhood memories, six year old me buying the record because of its cover (I've bought - well, my father or uncle bought for me - Dark Side O' The Moon cos of the cover as well, thus breaking my sole bond with the Beatles and broadening my, ah hell, who wants to hear my musical taste development story? Anwyas these memories MATTER, man. For they are what makes something special for you, and end parenthesis) and chewing Action bubblegum listening to it with my grandmother.

And a child trips to something, drug free (although I was very keen on chugging syrup from the medicine cabinet, only to get stoned, get sick, and have my mother giving me a shot of Plasil in the ass, and it hurt like a motherfucker; at least I'd stop puking) WAY more than some marijuaner dude. That chorale on the title track made me think of mothers, cows are mothers, the track seemed like green pastures to me. And even nowadays, I think it's some of the most genius and evocative songs ever, that "Atom Heart Mother" suite.

See it's a simple song that has many parts, and there's nothing challenging on it but rather welcoming. You get a bit of choral singing, a lil violin solo, an interestingly named part (you'll figure it out) with a funky groove and a nice guitar solo, skip it back and another beautiful guitar solo in the wake of the violin solo, and there are horns. People call it "orchestral" because there's a violin solo and a horn section? My ass it is. It's just an embellished, quick on the corners (as not to get boring), simple rock instrumental (and it IS simple, proof of it is me, who taught myself to play guitar tuning in open G and knowing naught but barre chords on standard tuning, listened to it a couple of times today and even got the SOLOS down. Man, me and my tobacco - it had to be tobacco - sunburst Strat, Crate combo 15 watt amp and Boss Fender Bassman pedal; I'm THE SHIT!And let no man tell you that grape and apple sodas aren't the best ever!) who has a recurring theme, and the band fiddling with sound effects and a mellotron before the said recurring theme comes back and ends the song nicely. It's a cozy song. Always been. Lovely, just lovely.

Right. So with the knowledge of today and the band and shit, it was a high falootin experiment with Ron Geesin writing a score for a chorale and a horn section, something they went as far as touring with, then it turned out not to be so good as they thought it was. Well *I* think it's good. Better than any of their later efforts and/or experiments. But that's me. It's also a good album to sleep to, to meditate to, to write something to as I'm, wait a second...doing now (playing side two actually, as I believe I've overstayed my welcome over talking about the title track).

And as I'm playing side two, what is there? Another folky ditty from the likes of More from Roger with beautiful lyrics in all their bitterness and a nice piano and a doubletracked slide solo by Dave but so soft and well done, kind of a calm after the storm of side one. It strikes me as a really well crafted song, and keeps the cozy feel of the album ongoing.

Then what about "Summer '68"? A piano pop song about casual affairs from Rick with nice horns, kinda having various layers and a beautiful slow break with piano and acoustic guitar. Then they tell Rick wasn't contributing nothing worthy to the band. Right. Roundabouts '77? Well, man, Wish You Were Here would be pretty shitty if it wasn't for Rick's contribution and Animals, great album, if I was to be objective (NOT AGAIN!) their best, but I KNOW there's a great deal of idea rehashing on that one plus the songs have been written in '74, and Rick, although not writing anything, makes sure that without him the atmosphere of it would go down the crapper too. So what's the dealio?

Aaaaand I've always loved "Fat Old Sun", it's just another folky song, this time by Dave, with a nice melody and nice imagery. So, shit, all's great here! Even a memorable guitar solo. But we're going to the end and everybody complains about the last song. You don't hear ME complaining, especially as I loved to put it on the morning and have breakfast to the sounds of it when I was of that tender aforementioned age. Ah, memories. Call it another expewriment and a failed one, and I'd agree it's pretty goofy, but man, listen to the music in it! First part, pleasant piano and guitar solo, second cool acoustic guitars melody with a cool as well slide guitar solo in the background, and finally third part the whole band plays a cool (let's play a game of how may times I say "cool" here) jam. And the cozy feeling that stemmed from my youth until nowadays remains.

Let it not be said that this album lacks some emotionally charged, unsettling, sad, uplitfting, and everything in between music, cos it doesn't. It's just tha it makes me feel cozy. It's welcoming. And cool. My fave. There, now shoot me.

14. Rubber Soul (US Version) - The Beatles

Call me crazy for liking a bastardized, 12-song with four from the UK version excised from it and a lot of echo added to the tracks version of this album, but I think it flows better, plus the UK Help! tracks in side one and two as their openers seem to be fit for the album. Wikipedia says that Capitol made the album that way to cash in on the folk rock craze of the time. And in this US version, it's indeedly a folky album! This that, and Paul songs of the piano pop variety, and some other stuff. The vocal harmonies are stellar, and a tad different from the usual ("Think For Yourself", "The Word"). I dunno, they're just odd and high pitched. And there are fuzz basses, sitars, shit I need a coupla klonopins cos I'm pissed at my father. Lemme see.

Well, in retrospect (I'm typing this in the next day) figure I shouldn't talk about my life and spiritual choices and what do I wanna do in college and shit should be kept away from here. Casual ramblings okay, but actual life accounts, no. Yes I've been heavily influenced by Mark Prindle, George Starostin and Ryan Atkinson and I may sound like them, but I ain't gonna fall in some pitfalls some of them do sometimes. On to the review!

So there are bitter love songs, songs with french words, 'The Word" is a hippie ideal song, "Norwegian Wood" is the one with the sitar and a surreal twist in the end, which everybody says it's McCartney's suggestion. By the way, as this album was known in the UK version as a take off on soul music, "The Word" is pretty funky by the way. The melodies here - prime stuff, with Paul actually coming with interesting basslines, and the strummy "It's Only Love" on side two - what's that warbly noise? A guitar with tremolo? Right after comes one of those bitter love songs, "Girl", with the chorus including a sigh. Once again, lots off "ooo's in the vocal department, and "dit-dit-dit" on "Girl", which sounds downright like a cross between a pop song and a baroque composition.

I don't seem to be praising enough this album, but it IS a VERY COOL album, whether US or UK, it's just that I prefer the US better for actually having the folky theme. They go through a quite different route in here; not that they couldn't write stuff that wasn't written before, before that, it's just that each song here really stands out on their own, having little touches (aforementioned, and may I add the speeded up piano solo that sounds like a harpsichord on "In My Life", which by the way is just as baroque sounding as "Girl" - the solo, that is; the song seems just to hit in the nerves with a nice riff, and a beautiful melody (if ANOTHER beautiful melody isn't enough) and a nostalgic feel in the lyrics that in the end comes to the conclusion that the one you love more is the one you're with - great for a marriage anniversary! Jesus this review has been bloated by my ramblings.

"I've Just Seen A Face" is a great album opener, with the skiffly acoustic guitar, and Paul hits the jackpot again with the similar "I'm Looking Through You", which, for being a later recording, is a bit more unusual (and yes, in the US version it has two false starts) with that 'bwee bwee" organ from Mal Evans and to finish this up, another folky upbeat song from the mysoginistic variety from John to wrap it up. Nice solo too, reminds me of Keith Richards. Is that George? Anyways, great album, very laid back if I may say, and if I may say again, folky. Especially the version I'm reviewing. Why you, didn't Capitol go out on a limb a re-released the American albums in two boxes? Means SOMEBODY like 'em enough. Me, as an example. But you may buy whichever version you prefer, it's great in both versions. And I like this one better. Go Dave Dexter! And the klonopin is hitting oooooooo.....

Next day-de-bloated addendum: As I'm told, this is their first album done without being in between tours, so they took more time to write the songs and crap, and I've already said the songs stand out on their own oh I need to crap - loo necessitiies shall ever be mentioned on my reviews. Whew! I shat a brick, man! It's no wonder after yesterday; see I'm getting back to my diet as indicated by the endochrinologist but gained some pouunds back, what with christmas and not having a maid to cook and asking for Chinese and pizza all the time, plus revisiting my old habit of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, so I've decided to finish off the peanut butter (as long as there's ONE of them, the curse will never be broken) and guess how many sandwiches I ate at night yesterday? Eight.

No wonder it's being hard not being a fatass! Now that's outta the way, as I was saying just mind you that Rubber Soul is a product of elaborated craft, perhaps not too groundbreaking as later albums would be, and as many are wont to say, being a 'transitional' album for the big scary 1966/67 years with 'hints' at the Beatles' development, but I have to say something about this. If you take EVERY album of theirs, the next will sound 'transitional' to the other, so that transitional thing is bullshit. There's just progress. They keep growing and growing and growing, and they were already MONSTERS before this here platter and would still keep their status as such. These are four guys who just can't stagnate. Should I mention they were heavy into marijuana? Well, I just did. And there you go. And George Harrison's "Think For Yourself" gets my vote for coolest song in here - the title says it all, plus that very cool fuzz bass I just talked about earlier - added by another bass! What the heck in the uK version "If I needed Someone" is the coolest for me, so the two coolest ah shit just leave it. They just should allow George's songs more than they did. And that's my story.

15. Beck, Bogert & Appice

A fine fine rock'n'roll album start to finish. To think what they could've become if they stuck around longer, why, they could've been the next Cream without being shitty as Cream! Haha, now now, my personal opinions shouldn't seep on through my reviews that much, now should they? Huh? Well, it's my review so I'll say whatever I want, feel free to disagree and see me not giving a fuck, HA!

So this is the record with the famous cover of "Superstition", yes it is, but there's so much more about it oh don't you know it. The aforementioned song, is one hell of a funky boogie groove. And I guess that's what's this record is about: groove. The heat these three players produce as an unit by just GROOVIN' has to be heard to be believed; they ain't aiming for showoffittudness here, although you WILL be, and constantly so, rewarded with a solo from one of the best guitarists to walk this earth. But they focus on the songs, and actually, it's not too bluesy, not too hard rockin', it's just a fine rock album done by three excellent musicians. So this is a review that'll take more time to do as I have to listen to the record a few times to sink in better (it's just that I'm more used to Live In Japan). So, see ya on the next paragraphs.

Man, it's raining yet another thunderstorm. Fuckin' tropical countries can suck a dick. I think I'll have to give this a few spins later on and turn off my computer and read a book. Oh well.

Shit, even the power cut off, then I went to an NA meeting to get my green tag -sixty days clean and serene! So now I'm reviewing this. And I'm listening to the album as I review cos this one's gotta be on the fly, for I have my lady here to give me sexual gratification for being a sober dude; how's that for dinner?

Oh yeah, I forgot dinner, shit. Guess I'll just drink some grape soda and water and go on with the motions. Did I mention that I like water a lot? As in, drinking three 1.5 litre bottles of it everyday? More than the necessary? You BET I do! Water is fuckin' cool. Can't get better than it. So this is a groove album, but that doesn't mean that while on the solo part of "Lady", Carmine Appice doesn't do his double kick whumpities and Tim Bogert practically solos on the bass during ALL of the song. See this is a fucken power trio; they might work as a tight unit, but it doesn't mean they're not gonna be flashy. They ARE flashy, and in the aforementioned song DAMN do they get on a flashy groove. And it's cool! Nice riffing too! And there are three ballads on this sucker too, with pianos, mellotron and shit. "Oh To Love You" sounds like a fuckin' America song to me, but I guess that goes with seventies MOR ballads - c'mon, listen to it and tell me it ain't what I'm talking about, except for the part with the mellotron, which then it makes sound like Greenslade. I'm not doing very good here, am I? Let's move on.

"Black Cat Moan" also strikes me as something good here, where they get into a rockin' groove and Jeff Beck shows he can be a damn good slide player. Look, none of the songs here really stand out on their own, whether being stompers, uptempo or funky; this album works wonders as a whole, much like a woman is good as a hole oh ho hooo, Pops let me in his site due to the conclusion of this whole/hole gag but I ain't no Mark Prindle to let it develop into the theme of skullfucking that it once did. My girlfriend is looking at this writing and telling me I'm fuckin' gross, but actually I'm a very well bathed person, smelling like Dove soap and deodorant.

Well what else can I say? I did mention "Superstition" already, and the ballads, well, I don't care too much about them and I don't find "I'm So Proud" any good to end the album, nor do I find the "soulful" "Sweet Sweet Surrender" any good to be in the album, but I guess they've had to cater to multiple audiences, but damn would it be great if they let the rockers here be added by MORE rockers. You don't go for a power trio to hear ballads and shit, and even with BBA's exception of being dudes who flaunt their skills while still keeping a groove. And boy does "Lose Myself With You" with its wah wah intro from Jeff resembles a Jimi Hendrix song. Every song has a memorable riff, and every song bar the ballads are great, the guys have a tendency to jam a lot in the middle of them, which probably is the cause of the album working better as a conglomeration of songs than the sum of its parts. Not that some might not stick out as memorable more than the others, but to me none stick out. I should tell you in advance that their live album actually does that trick for me.

Beck is pretty subdued here too, even though he could be just shitting on his guitar and it would already sound cool - and I say that only about three other guys: Zappa, Fripp and Hendrix. I guess he had to give leeway for the other members to show their prowesses as well, and they promptly do so. I guess the end result was that 'flaunting their skills while keeping a groove' so there you go. A fine groove oriented rock'n'roll album with three exceptionally great players who work wonders as an unit. Very cool record. I'll go out on a limb and even say that it's essential to any record collection (along with the live album if I may give a stretch on my opinion) if you like good rock'n'roll. JUst forget about those crappy ballads. Okay, let me fuck now.

16. Band Of Gypsies - Jimi Hendrix

Well here we are with a Jimi Hendrix record and Our Lord Almighty bless him and Billy Cox for making it instruumentally interesting, cos Buddy Miles plays the same hamfisted four on the floor beat all the fuckin' time. ALL THE FUCKIN' TIME. So they say these two non Experience dudes came out to bring Jimi to his 'soul' roots and shit, but there ain't nothing funky in this album. NOTHING. Basslines, guitar grooves, I'll give you that, they are funky and soulful, but the drumbeat is so pedestrian that it's painfully obvious how much Jimi needed Mitch Mitchell to make it fonkay. But hey, don't let that turn you off, this record is still great, bad drumming or not. I'm told not to diss Buddy nor the dead, well fuck you corpse of the dude who plays drums on Band Of Gypsys - you may have been jammin' with Jimi since '68, but you ain't fit for playin' with Jimi at all. Other than that, let me say God bless you again outta respect for I don't know your other endeavors, but here you stink.

And further no thanks for your horrid scat singing on "Who Knows", an otherwise great, FUNKY song hampered by your drumming. Otherwise, your song "Changes" has an awesome riff, just like "Who Knows", and you provide some good singing on it. There, I'm done talking to Buddy Miles' ghost as means to address the reader. Now, reader, how about two jams on one side and four songs on side two? Does it have energy? Yeppers. Can they jam? Well, that's debatable, but if you're in for Hendrix what do of all instruments playing you happen to fancy the MOST? So yeah, Jimi is sure in fine form. I'm not too sure where to go with this review. It's two twenty in the morning and I've decided to go on a coffee binge, cigarettes not excluded. I just can't sleep even with the medicine. It's one of those nights. As I hear Jimi soloing, you can't help but notice that at the time, this was his first live release, and nowadays knowing how Jimi does it live, well, he does it GOOD.

Take "Machine Gun", Jimi's anti-war protest song - well it's a solo vehicle more than anything, but the man makes those wonderful noises all the way throughout the song. The riff is one of the most clever riffs I've ever heard in rock'n'roll, and it's an imitation of an actual machine gun and four descending notes. I mean, can't you just be MARVELED on how Jimi does wonderful things even with the most simple ideas? And the drums keep rattattatin' as Jimi just raises hell on his guitar. Makes the whole experience cathartic, really. It's just the key of E, dammit! And yet he can wring out this ominous mood, unsettling if you will, and takes it to the extreme,; that's Jimi Hendrix, ladies and gentlemen, creating a battlefield on your stereo by just using a coupla pedals and a guitar. Fuckin' genius I say.

The rest of the record, well, it's hard to top "Machine Gun" and nothing else here tries to anyways. Jimi delivers on all accounts, always playing excellent solos as it's his standard to do so, and "Message To Love" is one hell of a groovy song, although I've heard better renditions of it (with Mitch on traps, of course) and what with it being a live album, Jimi stretches the whole concept of sticking to the melodies a bit, playing a little variation of the riff here, jammin' a bit there, even in the short songs - it's all good.

Fuckin' hard is to pussyfoot around this record and try to bring its good points and bad points for people don't really think - at least a VAST majority - what I think, but I'll have to say it anyways otherwise I ain't being true to myself. Once again, what with it being nowadays, you can get Jimi live a LOT better than this. And everybody knows that record was more of a contractual obligation to Ed Chalpin on the Capitol label. Billy, as everyone knows, was an Army friend and played with Jimi before was in, and Buddy was Jimi's buddy - oh I chuckle at my pun - so they rehearsed for some time as Jimi was talking about a jam record for a while before. Thing is, it IS a jam record; the songs are loosely structured, or not structured at all, much like a jazz composition where the riff is the head of the tune and then they make it up as they go, but they're not necessarily GREAT jams due to the reasons I've just pointed out. HOWEVER, a BIG HOWEVER, it's fuckin' Jimi Hendrix playing live so not a chance in hell to have him not doing something AMAZING on it. So go for it, or even the live at the Fillmore one if the BOG is your cup of tea. It's just not mine, but there's Billy and Jimi and Jimi being Jimi live. So how can you go wrong?

17. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap - AC/DC

On my coffee binge I've decided to review this one. I was supposed to (by the demands of the voices in my head) some time ago, so let's just do it.

AC/DC's 'jam' album or AC/DC running out of ideas? I mean, what are you gonna do with seven and half minute songs on one key where the tempo speeds up halfway through the song and they keep repeating its title? Yeah "Ain't No Fun" could've been developed into a great song with the intro riff which later on Bon sings over after just rambling and rambling in the same background, no matter how actually funny those ramblings are. Bon sure has some charisma and saves this song's ass for me, for I know it's just padding.

Don't believe me? "There's Gonna Be Some Rockin'" and "RIP", as jillions of people have already pointed out, are pretty much the same 12-bar blues song and both have the same subject; "Problem Child"'s ending goes forever, "Squealer", besides the bassline which is nice and shit (and also reminds one of their debut's "Soul Stripper" bassline) is about a coupla minutes of singing and then a guitar solo for three.

But let's forget such shortcomings, cos the album is really cool and when there are melodies and riffs, ARE THERE melodies and riffs! "Problem Child", with those cool vocals, classic riff and the 'tough guy' subject is one buttfuckingly great humdinger! And then after the solo, on comes...the maracas. Shit, how cooler can it get? AC/DC and maracas were always a great team, I says. Erm, I'm kinda running low on ideas for this review, so I guess I can postpone its remainders. No wait. I just went to get another cuppa coffee and I think I've got it. This IS AC/DC's jam album AS WELL as they running outta ideas, to which they just go on and make songs guitar solo vehicles or just keep groovin' while Bon goes on with his musings, and make a coupla fillers that sound alike, thus making the album where they let it loose, just having fun. FUN.

Yeah, fun is the keyword for this record. Laid back fun. Bear with me, like I've said, when they get focused on an actual SONG they still keep you on your toes, but most of the time is just carefree fun. I mean, what can you gather from an album with such a title and such a title track? Awesome riff, yeah, great chorus, sure, great finger tapping (in Angus' case, probably with one hand) solo and "I lead a life of crrriiiiimmmme!". Man, makes me wish I had a fifth of scotch and a six pack of beers right away, but alas, I'm an alcoholic, no can do. There's a joke song, but you gotta hear it to see for yourself how funny thee guys can be, and how it melts into "RIP" abruptly makes for one great segue.

Well hell yeah, they're in some ways, "experimenting" here, letting it loose and tossing us a WONDERFUL, heartfelt, loner blues song. You don't even believe it's fuckin' AC/DC doing something like "Ride On", but heck, it IS AC/DC. And they're in some ways, progressing. Just a coupla songs about rockin', a joke song - well, the title track is a jokEY song, but let it pass, a song about being a lowlife rocker (well, I still think it's mostly just ramblings but what the hey), a song about a tough guy, wait, this is JUST LIKE TNT! They ain't progressing at all! They're still boasting and shit - um. Yeah, like AC/DC is gonna really, REALLY expand their thematics to a degree where one can say, "well, this is a literate subject". They have their dumb status to zeal for!

Right, AS IF they were dumb. A caricaturesque perversion of a rock group leading people to think they're dumb, yes. But REALLY dumb? No fucken way. Not when you've got one of the top three best lead singers in the world. After 1980, it's another business. But those things I'm saying don't make ME care about what they really are and/or are supposed to be. Me, I just think they're the best rock'n'roll band ever. The most consistent. The one that sticks to their guns and just DELIVERS. And here they DO deliver, albeit in a slightly different way that we're used to; they run out of ideas and end up making their most fun album ever, bar the mood shift of "Ride On". And right after, they fuckin' end the album with nothing but fuckin' "Jailbreak"! Everybody knows "Jailbreak", I don't need to talk about it. I've already talked about all of the songs in here. That's cos I had a good reason to, and I don't usually do these things. This means that, regardless of the lack of regard even AC/DC has for this record (not in the seventies. During its tour, they played the title track and "Problem Child" and "Jailbreak", then the first and the third of these tracks got the shaft even though the album was released in Europe).

Oh yeah, it was released sans "Jailbreak" and "RIP", but with TNT's "Rocker" and a song they recorded in England a bit later called "Love At First Feel", which is a bluesy song with the melody ripped off of "High Voltage". As for them excising a few choruses of the end of the title track and a minute and a half of "Ain't No Fun" and fading out "Rocker" a bit earlier, I don't really think it's a big deal. Doesn't flow as well as the Aussie version though. But in Europe only, also with a boring different cover than the one you're seeing here. In the US, for some reason, it was released five years later. Go figure. Seek the OZ version, even though both versions are the bees knees.

18. Larks' Tongues In Aspic - King Crimson

Now this one I don't even need to give a listen to. I have it fuckin' IMPLANTED in my brain. It's fun, when all you know of the band is the  first album when you were eleven, and a coupla years later you see the name of one of your favorite prog rock bands' drummer, on an album by a band who you thought that it had a great, challenging, heavy and rockin' tune with those fast as fuck breaks and sax solos and shit and then a bunch of mellotron glop and what, do they have a violin player and a percussionist? And then you put the sucker on the victrola and it starts with these kalimbas, wind chimes, then a violin starts to play and a distorted guitar goes "eeeeoooooooooooowwwnnnnnn" from speaker to speaker and it builds up with woodblocks and bells and other stuff tinkling and "DAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH" and shit, there's so much more.

Knowing KC as I do now, this was Robert Fripp's attempt on creating a new KC as he dissolved the Islands lineup cos of some of his usual smartass excuses. Thing is, what he did was one fuckin' BOLD move; turn his band into a conglomeration of HEAVY and NOISY, difficult to assimilate music that was simply unprecedented. It was for me! I've never heard two drummers, one in each channel before except for the Grateful Dead's Europe '72, and if you think I'm sayin' this is something akin to that, well mister - it ain't a fuckin' iota CLOSE to this! Add to that is that Bill Bruford seems to have done a ten year progression on his drumming, and Jamie Muir, God bless the guy and his pots, metal sheets, bird calls, gongs, and zany ideas. Too bad he stuck around just for the album, and too bad that the preceding year's bootlegs sound like somebody stuck the recorder up his ass, cos everybody talks about how loony and wild he was live. I've seen photos of him prowling on stage, fake blood running down his chin, and the now widely seen on YouTube clip of "Larks' Tongues In Aspic Part I".

Well he was loony alright, and a genius. The spirit of the band, if you will. And David Cross' violin gave the music a nice, warm, sophisticated sound -delicate when needed, ridden with tension when needed, crazy when needed. It's his the delicate solo after a session of auto wah bass from John Wetton (a virtuoso bass player - another first in the band) and some really agressive bashing by Jamie in the left channel on the first part of the title track, and it's his the atonal, dramatic solo on the album closer and second part of the title track. So you've got the best drummer, the best percussionist, the best bassist, make it tight and chaotic at the same time, pull out a brutally heavy guitar tone, hey we've got an album!

I have something to say about the non-instrumentals, though: they have good lyrics by Richard Palmer-James which isn't at all like Peter Sinfield, nor Richard is a member of the band. However, they'd work much better live, no matter how much Jamie Muir's ideas and studio embellishment is put on em. They pretty much sound like King Crimson songs with better musicianship and a violin. Some solemn, some meandering, mellotron all over, you know thr drill.

See, the focus here is on the instrumentals, which are two thirds of the album. I've talked about "Larks' I" already, and talked about the crazed violin solo on "Larks' II", but did I tell you how before "Larks' II", in the heels of the laughing box from Muir in "Easy Money", there comes this wind sound, what seems to be a buzzing fly sound, somebody playing bongos or congas or boo-bams, dunno, what matters is that a Wetton two note bassline rises from the din, and the percussion pounding gets louder as Bruford enters the picture, then Fripp, then Cross, and it goes building up and up and up until it reaches a screaming, screeching sound from Fripp and Cross and we're on one of the most revered riffs of prog rock ever, even more than the Black Sabbath-eat-your-heart-out of "Larks' I", which is "Larks' II".

What a way to finish an album. And Muir contributes bells, metal sheets, china cymbals, little shrieking sounds until the violin solo, which is where Fripp gets on another cool riff and just listen to Bruford and Muir - actually Muir as he keeps playing the drums off beat while Bruford holds it together. And the ending where Muir goes apeshit on his percussives almost as if he's thrashing furniture around and it's over.

However, for the good or the bad, every song here is noteworthy cos they all have SOMETHING that makes this album so special to me and to many others that think that KC '73-'74 can be defined by it. I actually don't, and I think Starless And Bible Black and Red are just as important, but as much as I love them (and feel that Red it's their best EVER), they don't have the peculiarities of this one. They don't have Jamie Muir. And another thing they don't have is the feeling of FRESHNESS this album has. This was at the time, a NEW band going for a NEW sound and ideas, and held their NEW musical output to their hearts. So much as to make every composed or improvised piece stand out on its own.

Anyways, it will take a few listens on this one to sink in even for the Crimso initiated, assuming he didn't hear the two following albums. Separates the men from the boys if you take what Fripp was churning out before this. No easy listen here, sir. I do best to take a shower now, for I ain't Dove soap and deodorant smelling as I was a few reviews ago before engaging in intercourse with my lady, which actually made me sweat bucketfuls and eww why didn't I take a fuckin' shower? Furthermore, how is she sleeping while *I* take the fuckin' sleeping pills, try to sleep, fail, go on a coffee binge and type type type and she's there, just afloat in the ether? Are these rhetorical questions?

19. Nevermind - Nirvana

Yeah, it has mainly barre chord melodies augmented by some heavy drumming and melodic basslines, has about three quarters of it staying in the clichéd quiet-to-loud dynamics, the guitar tones are heavy but easy on the years and when not, they're flanger pedal watery and the lyrics are either ramblings about boredom, angst, youthful sarcasm and irony and appeal more to teenagers, but hey I was 13 and bought it new on vinyl.

This oughta be one of my shortest reviews, cos there's really not much to say about this record other than, I was there, it struck a nerve, made me buy a bass guitar and learn it, and I believe many had that nerve struck as well, otherwise this wouldn't be the representative album of my generation. Then I heard Bleach and thought this record could go fuck itself for lack of anything innovative, cos quiet-to-loud has been there since, shit Mozart? But now I hear it and see it for what it is. Yes, it is an attempt to go commercial, but also a solid true poppish heavy rock album. Okay 'grunge'. See I slept from seven to ten and then went to have lunch with my father as my girlfriend went home and can't sleep still. It's been bugging me that I should review something which I've witnessed at its time.

Yeah, so no rough edges here, just a lil bit of that feedback and dissonance that makes this band's debut so unique, but man, Kurt Cobain had one hell of a cool raspy voice to go along with these catchy melodies. They were hummable, they were good to headbang to when heavy metal seemed like the only other choice and I've just went through a Metallica phase. Who could actually take the punk and power pop aesthetic (this is what I think now) and merge it so wonderfully? (at the time I just thought 'who could write such kickass songs without sounding like heavy metal') Kurt and his gang did. Man I'm gonna try to rest. I didn't go to the gym. I'm not feeling like going to the threadmill right now but save it for later, I'm bored, and I need some fuckin' rest. So peace out, cya l8r.

So hey there! It's midnight and I could sleep for another two hours while having a disturbing nightmare of having hardcore sex with MY FUCKIN' EX. I shouldn't comment about my life but we did some pretty rough shit (she was suckin' me and drinkin' my spoo! I was buttfuckin' her!), but man, is it a case of not still being able to let go of her or the girl will haunt me forever as a standard for my sexual desires? Then it went to me searching for a computer to research FUcKIN' AMI DOLENZ! Dreams are some crazy shit. Needless to say is that I slept badly. I like to talk about fuckin' - every man does it. We need to boast about ourselves. Dunno how it goes with fags, though.

All songs in side one are the hits, except for "Breed", which is more energetic, and even more is the side two opener punker "Territorial Pissings" and I'm just gonna mention these and a coupla more songs cos though they were all HUGE, is there a person in this earth that hasn't heard this album? Or seen the clips? It's pointless. They DO stand out on their own, especially for me "Come As You Are" with the aforementioned watery guitar sound. Nowadays I love to sing "eigh-ties!" to it, but you know how it goes, we all have to have a lil fun with our bands. And this record, despite of its thematics, is a fun record. Side two is on the slight side, though, and most people don't remember the songs from it cos they weren't hits. Tough luck, they really aren't as memorable as the hits. Duh, that's what make the hits HITS in the first place, no? Well, what else to say? "With the lights out! It's less dangerous! Here we are nooow...entertain us!" "Yeeeeaah yeah!" "Heeeeeee's the one who likes the pretty songs" There are also two acoustic songs bookending both sides, and both are memorable and "Something In The Way" is a really affecting song with all its desolation and cello.

All in forty three minutes or so, you're guaranteed not to be let down by this album as long as you stick to it being a good rock album and nothing else - no matter what it represents, no matter what Kurt is talking about and you're gonna headbang, and really enjoy the whole catchiness of it. It ain't groundbreaking bar the fact that it's the first of its ilk to have a production catered to a wider audience. Simple riffs and melodies, but man do they stick in your head. Just an unexpected one as I was listening and thought 'hay I can't remember the name of that song! So poppy and catchy and well constructed!" "Lounge Act", that's the one - practically any of these bands that came in the wake of Nirvana make carbon copies of it. So I stand corrected: it WAS groundbreaking in that it opened the door for a shitloads of shit bands filled with shit. That's hardly a compliment, eh? Nevermind (ha!) I've said that. Alternative. Hm. Alternative to what? My ass it is. I'll say it again: it's a power pop album with punk influences with slick production and a nice handful of catchy songs. Not that it lacks originality; much contrary to that, but it is what is. And we haven't had some of that before it came out.

And CD buyers: just press stop after "Something In The Way" unless you want your ears filled with bullshit for seven minutes.

20. Screaming For Vengence - Judas Priest

A sleepless night tonight. And COFFEE! COFFEECOFFEECOFFFEEE damn I'm upped. Already listened to Ram It Down and now Stained Class is playing and here I am trying to think of what to say about Screaming For Vengeance.

Well, it has You Got Another Thing Coming. And that's a winner, but still, there'1s so much better stuff in here that you should forget this crowd singalong classic. It's a CLASSIC! A JUDAS PRIEST CLASSIC! IT PLAYS ON THE RADIO! GIVE ME COCAINE! I'm gonna pick up one of my cigs. There we go. Hmmm, liquorice rolling paper. Rolling your own is good. You put the filter and the tobacco of your choice on the machine and there you go! I taught a friend of mine to do this and gave him my old machine and he rolls weed with it. Me? No, just tobacco. Tobacco and coffee. Not that I'm knockin' other things, and coke would be good now since it's forkin' three in the morning and snorting is easier than manual drip.

There's also a stage favorite here, Electric Eye (fuck the Helion part, it's all the same song) and Rob gives a menacing tone to it. Really cool. He doesn't even have to scream. All of that is thrown to the trash bin when Riding On The Wind comes and he's already doing his patented high register singing. It's fast! It has synths going WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHH on it but that ain't no biggie. There's another fast one, the title track - great vocals, kickass guitar playin', like a rush of cocaine. GIVE! ME!

Hey, this record also has big, BIG chorused guitars and a whole IMPORTANT tone to it, with gated drums, everrything sounding big and rumbly. You might think the title track is in the league of 'Exciter', but here it sounds thrice as distorted, with much bigger sounding drums and shit - you don't get that on British Steel as well. Hmmm.

Bloodstone is a mid tempo thumper with some classy drums that seems to wear off its welcome with the lengthy coda but it stops EXACTLY at what could or should be the breaking point.

Also they're going for a BIGASS sound now, with gated drums, and loud, chorused guitars. Fine by me if it works for them and it works for me. ME! GIVE!

You know what this record is good for? FUCKIN'. I used to play it on repeat for hours while me and my ex girlfriend fucked. After we were done, I'd skip whatever part of the record and put on the basic BUT AWESOME rocker Devil's Child, point to her and sing "I Belieeeeve you're the devil! I belieeeve you're the Devil's Child!" That song is so cool. It's simple, to the point and Halford does it justice. Did I hear COCAINE on those two other tracks though? What the fuck is Take These Chains and Fever? A Winger tribute? Pain And Pleasure seems to be safe from getting tagged as such, but HEY I DESCRIBED EVERY SONG ON THE ALBUM!

So to sum it up, cocaine and fags.

Oh I meant coffee and cigarettes. Where's Jim Jarmusch? Put motherfuckin' Iggy Pop and Tom Waits together again!

21. Sexy Pee Story - The Cows

Yeah, like you're not gonna hear me raving about the Cows gajillions of times in here. They're my favorite band! Yes, yes, Mark Prindle introduced them to me when it was too late and they had already broken up in '98, back in the early 00's, when finding Mp3s of them was a treasure hunt.

And to that treasure hunt I went, especially for this album as I was very interested on how, after what Prindle, and according to the Cows themselves, everyone calls their best album, Cunning Stunts, it was like. Plus look at the fuckin' title! It's brilliant! I can RELATE to it! Not that I'll tell how it goes, that 'relating to it' deal. Keep your filthy thoughts to yourself, scumbag. Dude, I can't get enough of it. I'm listening to "Shitbeard" as I type this, and the distorted slide guitar AND slide bass just thumpin' and thumpin' before it picks up and goes to a fantastic heavy and bluesy bass riff as lead singer Shannon Selberg with a raspy voice goes "it climbs, oh it climbs, yeah it climbs...all over me!" and his tremoloed "Shitbeeeeeeeeeeaaaaard" he does by shaking the mic close to his mouth. And Thor Eisentrager plays just a high pitched slide guitar noise throughout ALL of it!

You know how it goes with this band, right? They're fucked up in the head and bassist Kevin Rutmanis plays a distorted bass riff that carries the song most of the time, as Thor comes up with either noise, or a riff, and the drummer (there have been many) plays a catchy beat. And Shannon plays a bugle! And they're noisy and distorted and it's just FULL THROTTLE KICKASS ACTION all the time! Shannon's lyrics usually are funny depictions of caricaturesque people and their habits, their beliefs, their behavior, but he's got A LOT more in his bag than just that. Take "Uptown Suckers", a fast bouncy song where Shannon's delivery while he talks about the tough guys who are in his way, punch his bags, punch his gal, drink his beer and call him a fag and they're there to make history - "that's the plaaaaaaaannnnn" is just plain awesome with those "haw-haw-HEY"s from an overdubbed Shannon bringing more charisma to the song as if it hasn't enough. And a one-note bugle solo!

Or take the title track, well, what do you expect from its eastern tinged slidey melody, those "ahhhhhhh"s between the verses, and its TITLE? Yes it's about meeting a girl and the girl peeing on him, man. And it's genius! The screams as he concludes the verse, the galloping intro, the relentless pounding on the remainder of it. But damn if "Mrs. Cancelled" isn't actually a beautiful and well crafted slow melody with a nice guitar solo in all of its twistedness. And damn if the rest of the album isn't just as good as the tracks I've mentioned, even though it seems they're running outta gas towards the end, where they go and end it with a mean scorcher.

What else to say? Some songs seem to be so intense that they kinda pound you with noise and echoing bugles and slide bass and guitar and DISTORTION, imagine how this must sound for either a speed freak or a junkie! Must be like heaven AND hell! Haha, for a gentler God. Well, this record is uniformly AWESOME in its kickassness, delivery and production. It's just a fuckin' great record, and my favorite of theirs. I seem to be running low on ideas, lemme light a Kools and bask in its sounds. Actually it ocurred to me that I haven't gone to the threadmill yet and as such, am taking a Red Bull and will drive myself upstairs and take a good listen to it. While I don't, I must inform you: they don't make bands like this one anymore (not that there was anything in the exact same vein, but still), and THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TODAY. Music nowadays is getting too pussyassed and clean for my tastes. Far from me to knock what could have some musical value, but damn, can't people just let it loose, do some drugs or booze or whatever and sound like the Cows? I know I'm being facetious since I do not condone drugs, but crap. Red Bull! Or coffee! Or tea! Take shitloads of em, get buzzed and turn the amps to eleven? Water for all I care! Just escape this FUCKIN' MONOTONOUS, RUN-OF-THE-MILL self referencing and prissy bitterness and REALLY rock out? Brb.

So crap. (Yeah it's me, I'm back) Thor Eisentrager, as I've read in interviews with members of the band, liked Rolling Stones, blues, but none of that noise rock stuff that's prevalent on Cows' label, Amphetamine Reptile, or some other indie labels, with bands like Flipper, or Butthole Surfers. Which means he didn't like things that sounds like the Cows. Ain't that fucked up? Furthermore, even more fucked up is that when you give a listen to albums like this one for the umpteenth time and realize tht Thor IS playing standard rock'n'roll and blues, only twisted in a way that only his mind understands, I presume; I call it "fucked up" Did you like how I repeat myself?

And kudos for their drummers; in this album's case, Norm Rogers, one mean basher if I ever seen one. These were the Cows' golden years. Only that, as they've had mild exposure with Cunning Stunts, to paraphrase Shannon Selberg, "instead of streamlining (their) sound, (they) had to follow it up with THAT." Well Cunning Stunts is a catchy album in its own terms, but to me, if I'm gonna show the Cows to anyone, I show 'em THIS. Take it from me, if I hadn't heard other albums (and when I downloaded it, I HAVEN'T) from them, I'd be still marveled at the soundscaping, riffing, melodical, twisted, heavy TALENT oozing out of my speakers. Plus it's the one I understand the lyrics better. And besides the whole stuff I told that Shannon can write, he can also create scenarious, situations, descriptions of things that upon first inspection, you think it's surreal, then you think "shit that COULD happen". Sometimes he's just tossing non sequiturs, sometimes he's doing all of that at the same time!

Okay, let me finish this up: I've had to try to give some insight on the band as some people might not know them (a whole fuckin' lot, I say), so if you get to know them, try this one out first - this is MY recomendation; feel free to try others and shit, just letting you know that this is without a single speck of doubt, the best album that came in 1993. And it's that good, yeah yeah. Older people might not like it, some might think it's a bunch of noise, etc. etc. but I think it's the tops man, just - just perfect.

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