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and don’t forget next week: |
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THE AMAZING STORY OF |
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Bobby Joe came from a rude, Scottish whitetrash, Appalachian family, headed by the MEANEST dad who ever lived, Papa Joe McFuck You. Papa Joe tortured little Bobby Joe as a tiny infant. As a result, Bobby grew up retarded and mean. By age 14, he was the baddest muthafucker in 4 counties, even badder than his dad, Papa Joe. |
| PAPA JOE: (thick Scottish accent) Bobby Joe! Get that flab of cow lard ye got for an arse off the ground and help me tie down yer brother! |
| BOBBY JOE: Can’t ya see I’m busy? |
| PAPA JOE: I don’t care if yer kissin’ a dog’s tallywhacker, I’m a-needin’ yer help, lad! |
| BOBBY JOE: Aw, fuck you, you miserable old son-of-a-bitch! |
| PAPA JOE: What do you...? |
| BOBBY JOE: I’ll be kickin’ your arse so hard, yer head will cave in! |
| PAPA JOE: Why you... |
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At this point, a typically brutal McFuck You family free-for-all broke out, with massive casualties and loss of human life for neighbors and bystanders who tried to stop the fight. The McFuck You's were tried and acquitted of multiple manslaughter charges, on the grounds that anyone stupid enough to stick their nose into McFuck You family business deserved whatever bad happened to them. Papa Joe and Bobby Joe emerged from the courthouse in a jubilant mood, amidst cheers, and popping flashbulbs. Before the crowd even reached the parking lot, an altercation with media erupted, leaving a TV News crew face down, covered with camera debris, and swimming in their own blood. Papa Joe and Bobby Joe could have easily escaped, but in classic fashion, they got into a horrendous McFuck You family fight over who would drive the getaway car. Surrounded and hopelessly outnumbered, they proceeded to kick every ass in Hockchaw County. Then, they kicked each other's ass a few times, then, they kicked their own asses! It worked like a charm... for a while. Eventually, someone had to lose. Can you guess who it was? reader comments below |
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