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This installment probes into the murky, topsy turvey world of love, as told by the zany doctor himself. Surprisingly, we found Dr. Popeye X to be alert, lucid, candid, and (gasp) super intelligent. We were also amazed at the poontang this disheveled, absent-minded professor/psycho was able to dredge up. His sexual prowess left us stunned, amazed, and thoroughly disgusted! |
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LOVE REPORT: Let's skip the bullshit, and get to the part we're all dying to hear about. Dr. Popeye X, do you fuck? DR. POPEYE X: Fucking is precisely what Dr. Popeye X is all about. Fucking is not what I DO, its what I AM. Not many people know about this, but I am constantly approached by beautiful females who are preconditioned to the "X" myth. They find themselves drawn inexplicably towards the things they fear the most, which are: A) me, B) my brain, and C) my dick. LOVE REPORT: Why the fear? DR. POPEYE X: Pure instinct… pure female X-ray instinct. They can sense by my speech and method of dressing that I am kind of a twitchy guy. Things make me nervous, I go thru heavy moods-swings like most people go thru traffic lights. Sometimes I hit a few "red lights" in a row. Having to stop or even slow down one bit puts me in a viscous mood. I suppose its inevitable, but I have, (without trying), developed a reputation for being a "rough date". LOVE REPORT: Are you rough on your women? DR. POPEYE X: I'm Sexual Sandpaper! I'm Mr. Abrasive, my motto is, "Against All Grain", friction is my epitaph. My philosophy of love operates on principals which elude the grasp of most people. Am I rough on my women? You tell me! If you can find what's left of one... LOVE REPORT: How many women are you presently dating? DR. POPEYE X: Pay attention to what I'm about to say, I don't like to repeat myself, OK? A) I don't date. B) I fuck. LOVE REPORT: Are you in love these days? DR. POPEYE X: I don't get "in" love, just like I don't get "in" trouble. I AM love. I AM trouble. I'm already "in". Believe me, I've BEEN "in". I'm so fucking "in", it freaks people "out". Even when I'm "out", I'm light years more "in" than those party-poopers who doubt my sanity, question my morality, and generally interfere with that total mystery known as "my fun"! LOVE REPORT: I take it, by "party-poopers", you mean society in general? DR. POPEYE X: I'm talking about my women! My love conquests! My army of infinite sperm-letting hassle mongers! I seem to have a peculiar difficulty establishing lasting relationships, I mean, I'm ready to keep fuckin', and so are they, ...but they can't. LOVE REPORT: What do you mean? DR. POPEYE X: Well, for one thing, when it comes to love, I don't fuck around, I fuck it into the ground. My emotions are explosions, always balls to the walls, with no compromise. Somehow, I'm so intense, I've ended up smothering every woman I ever really loved. LOVE REPORT: Think you'll ever tie the knot? DR. POPEYE X: As far as getting tied down goes, check out the pictures of my last four girlfriends. |
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Each one of these babes expressed to me that they were, "Just looking for fun with no strings attached." Well, as you know, I got to the end of my rope real fast, so I went on and had my fun, just like I always do. When I finally took them home, each one refused my farewell gesture, claiming, "I don't kiss on the first date!" I said, "Kiss? First date? Hey, bitch, A) I wanna fuck, not kiss, and B) this ain't your first date, this is your last!" LOVE REPORT: Then what happened? DR. POPEYE X: What do you think? I fucked 'em, then I... you know, like I always do. LOVE REPORT: Do you have any special seduction techniques you'd like to share with our readers? DR. POPEYE X: Yeah, whenever a beautiful woman looks me in the eye, then slowly presses her lips to mine, then sticks her tongue in my mouth and moans in a pleading tone, I always use this line: "Hey, let's just skip the bullshit and get on to the good part!!!" Attention
Readers! Be sure and send in those crazy love anecdotes! |
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