don't even try it...

I just saw a Public Service Announcement featuring a very sincere and earnest Michael Bolton, explaining why harsh language can hurt a child, and how everybody should remember to not
to their kids.

I RESENT so-called celebrity assholes like Bolton hitting me with their California style HOLIER THAN THOU hogwash. Hey, Michael, how's this for UGLY language...?


We don't need some UGLY-ASS singer to tell us HOW TO TALK to our goddamn kids. Who the fuck are you anyway? I bet your fucking kids HATE YOUR GUTS for being the source of so many UGLINESS chromosomes.

If You Were My Dad,
I'd Make The Menendez Brothers
Look Like My Three Sons.

Shut The Fuck Up,
before somebody gets hurt,
and that INCLUDES
goddamn Bolton

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Turkie Nazi & Tacki Fishkebob are real people, but their names have been changed so maybe they'll shut-up. The white lettering is the e-mails they sent me. Before these e-mails, I had never heard of them in my life. I haven't altered their e-mails in any form or fashion. My response is in blue, other readers are the red. After the main bulk of large emails, some of the interchange is "fictionalized" for the sake of "humor" and "pissing them off to the max", but the large blocks of white text are 100% equal to what I was first sent. Turkie and Tacki both gave me their real names from the start, Turkie had a real good time until she tried to WIN. Then I started getting "creative", its easy to tell where I'm being sarcastic. The actual incidents that started this mess are exactly equal to the large e-mails you see. I never heard of these idiots in my life, until they came thru the front door of my e-mail inbox with the following:

Turkie says:
Subject - DON'T TALK UGLY ABOUT MICHAEL BOLTON Allow me to introduce my friend Turkie Nazi...She has a few kind words to say to you: There is a reason why your site is called Popeye: you turn one blind eye toward anyone who gives a damn! Do you--and I use the word loosely--FRIEND, understand what child abuse is? It's waking up in the middle of the night and catching your stepfather ruffling through your underwear drawer. It's being hit in the ear with a rubber stick (you know, the one with the holes in it) at age four. It's being outright molested by your stepfather at age 13. It's not being able to feel an intimate thing for the 17 years since. It's a fan of Michael's killing herself because of the effects of the child abuse. It's JonBenet Ramsey. It's Baby Richard. It's Lisa Steinberg. It's Matthew Eapen. It's the child injected with HIV by his father (THANK GOD HIS ASS IN THE KLINK). It's David Rothenberg. Need I add anymore--TRUST ME I CAN TELL YOU MORE!!!!!!! This being National Child Abuse Awareness Month,...allow me to make you aware of it! Open your blind eye...AND YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! Love Shouldn't Hurt P.S. That's CONNECTICUT asshole to you!

Dr. Popeye-X answers:
Ok, I can tell you're very passionate about your cause, but it will take BRAINS to comprehend my cause, which I doubt you have enough of. Did I say one thing about child abuse? No. I only said Michael Bolton was ugly. It doesn't matter to me how nice you think he is, I think he's a goddamn idiot, if you don't like it... GOOD! I am NOT blind, and I will NOT shut the fuck up, so poo-poo on you, yankee bitch. BTW, its not Popeye, its DR. POPEYE-X, you're the one who's blind. I consider Michael Bolton on my TV to be a form of ME abuse, and I do not care in the least what you, or any other yankees, think about that, or anything else. P.S. Fans of Michael Bolton SHOULD kill themselves!

Kevin sez:
Turkie's comment gave me a cold blue steel hard-on baby! As soon as I wash the blood out of my clown suit, I'd like her to talk dirty to me too.

Gary pipes in:
What a dumb yankee bitch. Michael Bolton? Child abuse? Oh I get the connection. sure uh huh. You should tell the bitch that Bolton's hair looks like her underwear drawer after its been splooged on by a couple a hundred Michael Tysons.

Dr. Beaker adds:
Sounds like Turkie needs to be Ganged Banged by a whole bunch of guys (and/or chicks) wearing masks in her fathers image. Maybe then she will realize how "UGLY" Michael Bolton is.

Turkie says:
Subject: TURKIE'S BACK!!!
Hi Popeye and so-called friends: Turkie has returned, ...and for the immature allow me this: I have looked over the new messages. As expected, I was completely disgusted by all of your responses. What I didn't expect were you imbeciles being so aroused by my answer to you of a month ago. For starters, if you were so aroused by that diatribe of mine (ooh, look, a BIG word),...just consider how foaming at the mouth you would be if I hadn't held my tongue! (As David Banner/The Incredible Hulk-AKA Bill Bixby-warned once, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.") Next, what is it about child abuse that so arouses you... people? Is it the idea of being closed in your room when company is over, ...or being told for the nth time that you're not worth the paper you're writing on (and your writing is going nowhere to boot), ...or having your things stolen out of your room while you're out running errands, ...or your room being broken into even after having a lock put on the door, ...or the constant state of paranoia and mistrust, ...or the bouts of insomnia, or the nightmares (even the ones that don't have you screaming out of sleep), or the constant DAILY reminders of the sum of the parts? There is a reason why I am so passionate about child abuse: BECAUSE IT'S ME, YOU IGNORANT FOOLS!!!!!!! You asked me to understand your point. THEN PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH BEFORE YOU EVER CALL SOMEONE UGLY BY ANY STANDARD!!!!!!! I have three questions for the bunch of you: (1) Are any of you MAN enough to call Michael Bolton an asshole publicly? (2) Are any of you registered sex offenders in any jurisdiction in the universe? (3) And even if you're not, where can the local authorities contact you should any of choose to pursue me any further than right here in a supposedly public forum? If you absolutely believe in your heart and soul that Michael Bolton's looks are important enough to have a website to insult them (AND his beliefs, which are separate of his looks), so be it; I absolutely believe in my heart and soul that others have a right to know of your obscenity. I don't regret telling you to SHUT UP, just as I don't regret feeling HUMAN TORMENT going on my 30th year (pain does not go away easily - or would you know that?) You have a right to express your opinion (albeit obscenely); I have a right to live without fear, pain, and anger. You've got it easy, guys ...ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM!!!!!!! P.S. GooGoo had nothing to do with putting me up to this. I found you all by myself!

Dr. Popeye-X concedes:
Hi, Turkie, glad you're back, its lonely in this little website without readers like yourself. Let's see... where do I start? Uh, I don't know what to say... the sheer force behind your rant seems to have converted me completely. I'm so sorry I insulted Michael Bolton, I'd like a chance to make it up to you by dedicating this page exclusively to you. I'll call it, DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT BEAUTIFUL, and it will feature photos of you naked, lying about in erotic postures, and showing off your "good parts". Thanks, sweetheart, for setting me straight and turning it all around, and please send those images to ASAP!!!

XT begs:
Subject - pleeeeeze...
Show us your tits!

Kyle says:
Subject - no humor
Do these people actually think the
Toiletside Reader is reality? It's a shame these poor folks don't have a sense of humor.

Turkie speaks again:
Subject - MATURITY
Just one last thing to say to you... people: all of your comments - supposedly about Michael Bolton's supposed ugliness? I WIN!!!!!!!

Dr. Popeye-X replies:
You WIN??? Now, Turkie, let's not let this blow up to delusional proportions... Honestly, the ONLY way I'm taking down this page is if you send me some tits. Then, you'll WIN. No contest.

OK, yankee bitch, you WIN!!!Turkie says:
Subject - my tits
Here you go!!!! I WIN!!!!!!!!

Dr. Popeye-X fesses up:
OK, Turkie, you definitely proved your points. You WIN!!!!! Thanks for your loyal readership and informative submissions. I hope this posting brings you all the fame you need to quench those exhibitionist tendencies you have deep down inside. Don't forget, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, The Toiletside Reader will be here for you. P. S. I still say Michael Bolton is ugly!!

Kyle observes:
Her tits are
uglier than Michael Bolton.

Tacki complains:
Subject - Speaking My Mind Dr. Popeye.....

Dr. Popeye-X's running commentary:
Dr. Popeye-X… its got to have the X.

First of all, can I please see your credentials?

I can't imagine what credentials I need to publish what I think

Second, I am a friend of Turkie's and I resent all you arrogant assholes attacking her. My father is a cop. Please...... feel free to tell me where all of you potential sex offenders live so we can warn the police and general public in your area.

Tell your cop father, Dr. Popeye-X says, "I bet your daughter has nice tits… right?"

Next...... (insert the entire text of DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT UGLY) Really? So how are we supposed to talk to our kids? At least he cares about his kids.... and other people's kids. God, if you have kids, I really feel sorry for them. Me thinks you protest too much. Awwww..... did he hit a nerve maybe?

Me thinks you should send me a scan of YOUR TITS!

Also, when the hell did this become an "Attack Turkie" page? If you don't care to get responses like hers then I think it's time you take down your page, you shithead! Do you expect Bolton fans to just lie around and take it? I'm sure you get responses from other fans. Why don't you try printing those too instead of just picking on Turkie? You shouldn't be picking on anyone, period.

I'm not picking on her, I LIKE her. I can't control what my readers say. I'll never take this page down now, its too successful.

As for Michael.....he's ugly huh? Really? I don't suppose you or anyone of your "little" friends (take that however you want) would care to share a pic of any of you with us? What's the matter? Afraid Michael is better looking than you? Well, one thing is for sure. No matter what you think of his looks, he sure as hell is BETTER than you.

He can call me ugly all he wants, its only fair. So can you… but it would be a lie. I am startlingly beautiful, especially naked, ask anybody, or see for yourself.

You know, if there was a way to shut down sites like yours, I'd love to see it happen. I'm all for freedom of speech, but you definitely cross the line. People should not have to be subjected to your vulgarity and bullshit.

They don't have to. They have a choice. That's what the Internet is all about, sweetheart.

And last, if you got that pic from Turkie, prove it. I have known her for years, and no way would she ever stoop so low as to send a picture like that. I think you owe her an apology. Not to mention Michael and all of his fans.

If you read carefully, you will find that I did apologize to Turkie, and everyone who agrees with her. I can't believe you would challenge my journalistic integrity, like I would stoop so low as to put in "false information", like bogus breast images, just to get laughs. All the tits in the Toiletside Reader are guaranteed 100% authentic, if you'll send me a picture of yours, I'll prove to you how REAL this page is. Until then, please remember the standard Toiletside Reader answer to any criticism...

Gary reiterates:
I'll tell you what
ugly is! I went to a Bolton concert recently, and he was straining so hard, (you know, with all that fake soul crap), he blew up his asshole! He ripped a hole right through his shining silver stage pants, his shit and 'roids were flying everywhere! I'll never see anything as disgusting as that, unless I get to see Tackys tits.

Dr. Beaker teaches:
Absolutely fantastic stuff. If they are so offended by
Toiletside Reader, they can change the channel. In reality they LOVE IT!!!!

Gary continues:
This is a lot of fun. I wonder what goes on in their brains?
Not! I love the comment about her dad being a cop, and that you have crossed the "freedom of speech" line.What a humorless dumb bitch. Lets see them tits!

Dr. Popeye-X concurs:
Subject -
The Long Droop Of the Law
Can you imagine a country where its illegal to say anything bad about Michael Bolton? It don't take a political scientist to see the hole in that theory. Tacki's the kind of air-head that gave us Janet Reno.

Tacki, you are so beautifulTacki says:
Here's my tits! We win!!! We win!!! Now maybe you'll say Michael Bolton isn't so ugly after all!

Frank from interjects:
I hope that Turkie's uterus explodes, so that she won't be contributing to the gene pool. I do hope that she continues to visit the
Toiletside Reader, however. It'd be a shame if she just decided to feel GOOD at some point, and stopped providing entertainment to those of us who have cognitive ability. It would be so nice to include on your page some pics of Michael Bolton in Acuna with a bunch of 14 year old whores. By the way, how do I get registered as a sex offender? Does that qualify me for any special coupons? I should also say to Turkie that just because life handed you an open-faced turd sandwich on one slice of bread doesn't mean you have to pass it around. Bon appetit.

UPDATE!!! Oh, no! Turkie is back!!!! This pack of lies was found on an Internet bulletin board called the Fray. Notice how every description of what this webpage supposedly says is a out-an-out lie, like where it says "it more than dissed MB's work for children's charities", this is DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT UGLY, you little pathological lying piece of dog doo doo, it doesn't mention what you're saying at all. Why are you lying like that? Anyone can reference this page right now and see what an unabashed liar you have become. I guess you never thought it would wind up on the same page so anyone could compare your statements to the actual words. Who's the one giving hate a wider base with these lies? Why its that goody-goody, Turkie Nazi, and you can see it right here, plain as day, you are not being victimized, you are a LIAR, and there is obviously something seriously wrong with your morals:
internet and "usage"
On Tue Aug 24 10:21:35, Turkie Nazi wrote:
You better believe that the internet is being used to give hate a wider base. I should know: I am being victimized by it as I write this. There is a website that hates women--or at least fans of Michael Bolton (or a combination of both). I repsonded to it because it more than dissed Michael Bolton's work for children's charities, specifically his work to prevent child abuse. My male friends have answer it, but only received trash-talk emails; my female friend and I responded to it, and pornographic pictures (most defintely NOT us, but captioned as being ours) were posted. You know, I was molested once already -- I DON'T NEED TO BE RAPED AGAIN!!!!!!! And what's worse: those who should be helping to rid this hate are doing nothing to stop it,...citing HIS (and his friends') right to free speech. Free Speech went out the door when a crime was committed--copyright infringement on the photo of Michael that is ONLY from the fan club, and the name Popeye being used by the site's "owner". So what do you think can/will be done about all of this?

Can you believe what she writes when she's sure no one can check what she says? She just recreates the whole thing in the image of whatever her mind thinks up. The words actually written on the page are irrelevant to her. All that matters to her is the BULLSHIT story she's trying to pass off. These do-gooder phony baloney types are never satisfied with anything. Even a pro-Bolton book offends Turkie…. found in
Michael Bolton : The Passion, Secrets, Soul & Truths
"A book Bolton fans will love…"
review sent in by Turkie Nazi and friend
WE LOVE YOU, MICHAEL...BUT HOW COULD YOU LET THEM DO THIS? We are of dissenting opinion here. True, the book is loaded with facts that we didn't know before,...but being absolute DIEHARD fans of Sir Bolton outside of listing albums and songs, correct syntax, every shameless plug for Joyce's fan club,...and the attitude in general that all Michael Bolton BEEFCAKE! Our preference for a book about Michael Bolton is MICHAEL BOLTON by Lee Randall, which delves more into his career and early hardships,...and whose binding holds up more than 2 days. Michael is a reputed perfectionist-but this book is far from perfect. By all means, PLEASE, get Secret Of The Lost Kingdom and his albums (including LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT)-they're worth every cent. This one...we're not so sure.

Dr. Popeye-X observes:
If that book for Bolton fans pissed her off, imagine when she first saw this page! Maybe she should look at some of these links to other DIE-HARD Michael Bolton haters: (actually, I don't hate Bolton, I just hate anyone who doesn't hate him more than I do.)


The Dildog reports:
From a
tour bus, 3 in the a-m-, Anytown USA…
Hey dude, you are our kind of Dr. and your site is the RX we need out here on the road. I'm in the road crew for a certain
aging pseudo-rockstar who shall remain nameless, so I can keep my job. I found the Toiletside Reader site by searching AltaVista for "full of shit (anal retentive) graverobber wannabe's who stole Otis Redding's soul". I only got 2 hits, your site, and my boss' fan-site. Yours is much better. In fact it's the flavor of the week here on the tour bus. I think I know this Turkie chick, from a show we recently did (can't remember exactly where?). She came backstage after the show and gang-raped half the sound crew trying to suck her way up to the boss. Luckily she spotted some rancid wino lurking in the shadows and mistook him for the "MAN' himself. She was fucking him so hard blood was shitting out his asshole, and this reminded her of when she was abused by Satanists at a YANNI concert when she was 4. I was working that show dude! - and I got lucky that night, more than once, mopping up YANNI's sloppy seconds. And here she was, years later, riding this wino hard, screamin' about how she was finally... "sittin' on the cock of the day"!!! I knew I recognized those wall-eyed tatas!!! Keep it up!

Turkie and Tacki have been posting many lies around various places, thinking the truth will obey their lying tongues, and somehow, thru their voodoo of doodoo, that will cause this website to vanish. Oh, what silly little stinkers they can be sometimes! Look what Tacki posted at a notorious Anti-Dr. Popeye X newsgroupie hangout.

Tacki posts:what's behind all this bullshit?
Hey, everyone. I just got this response from the police in San Antonio, and thought you might want to see it. Not what I wanted to hear, but at least I got a response. Maybe you'll have better luck since he is threatening you. Or has he stopped?
Subject: I am writing to you about a concern I have about one of your citizens Date: Thu, 30 Sep 1999 From: {a police man in SAPD} To: {Tacki}Actually we get complaints like this all the time. An individual like yourself tries to have a reasoned discussion with somebody like Mr. Otto. The next thing that happens is he responds with a vicious flame war. The law is not clear as to whether or not he is committing a criminal act by doing this. I know because we have tried it. Your best bet at this point would be to ignore him. He is not worth your time. I looked at his site and I also found it to be offensive. The problem comes in when he starts exercising his right to be offensive. We advise people with children to monitor what their children are accessing and that they have a long talk with their kids about what to do if they run across a site like this.

See why Dr. Popeye-X is such a staunch supporter of the police? They aren't the Gestapo, they don't make their own rules. They enforce THE LAW, and they give lying swine like Tacki and Turkie so much more than they deserve, they tell them THE TRUTH.

Stash Ziplock says:
The reason why you keep logging onto popeye-x's site is because you have a
deep desire to be offended and a need for punishment. So stop complaining. You are getting what you want. Take your punishment and enjoy it, beg PPX for more. Or just log off his site and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Because we are bored with you.

Annalisa writes:
That part about "Here's my tits, we win, we win..." really cracked me up. You are a
truly silly man.

see the winner below

By A "Real" Doctor (who shall remain nameless): 

A Turkie quote from e-mail #1:
Do you--and I use the word loosely--FRIEND, understand what child abuse is? It's waking up in the middle of the night and catching your stepfather ruffling through your underwear drawer.

What I find interesting is the use of the word "ruffling". It's a very delicate word, not intrusive at all. I would have expected "pawing" or "groping" or even "going through". Very curious.
The inappropriate use of the word "
friend" is indicative of a very common dynamic as well. It's a very simple form of projection, comparable to a kidnap victim falling in love with her captor. She qualifies the statement with "and I use that word loosely" in order to keep Otto at arms length; she wants him to remain dangerous, but at the same time initiating the concept of a relationship between them.
What we see here is a very confused girl trying to deal with convoluted feelings about her abuse. It was
abuse to be sure, but it was tender, secretive and intimate. She has feelings about what happened that are in direct contrast to her anger and outrage, so she acts out inappropriately and becomes infuriated when asked to look objectively at what she really feels. It is not unusual for this type of sexual conflict to manifest itself masochistically- perhaps as nymphomania, fetishism or suicide (or the inverse, which is murder). In many cases of nymphomania the root cause is either a repressed hatred of men or of oneself.
This person will reject any form of therapy until she realizes her inappropriate and often
destructive behavior is triggered by her own feelings of self loathing- self loathing due to the fact that her subconscious mind has feelings that are contradictory to what her conscious mind demands she accept as truth.
Otto has become her
"loose" step-father. A surrogate abuser and lover. She could have as easily sent the e-mails to him anonymously as she could have set her spam setting on her e-mail application to not accept his replies. She requested the e-mails and his attention; she wasn't about to reject them.
This is a woman destined to have many tragic relationships in an attempt to fulfill her unrealized fantasy, but if that fantasy ever appears to be
on the verge of culmination look out....there's truly no way of knowing which way she'll blow.

Dr. Popeye-X says:
I bet I know one way she will "blow"...

The Dildog points out:
Whenever bitches
snitched us off to the cops before, they sucked our dicks first!

see for yourself in his own handwriting


hey i took a look at all that garbage that turkie person wrote... fuck i think when her dad molested her he broke part of a broom stick off up her ass or and left it there and that's why she's always so touchy or something man... or maybe she wakes up on the wrong side of the litter box all the time... plus she has REALLY shitty tits... what the hell are those anyway... they look like some mal-nurished over the hill chick's tits... why would anyone want to molest that... like come on now... hehehe she really should never pass those on to anyone else, i know if my mother gave me tits like that i'd be angry at the world too... heres somthing to take everyones mind off those... ewwww...  just a little present that i made since i got a huge kick out of your site... P.S. enjoy and Michael Bolton is the ugliest fuck around and he can only get 12 year old spanish prosti-tots. later... 
----> The Winner!

Dr. Popeye-X gushes: LOVELY... I can truly state this page has now attained PERFECTION. thank you!!!!

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