1:1 Teach The Poor How To Meticulously Spend Every Penny They've Got. Say Goodbye To Success, And Welcome Failure With A Suicide Note. Consult Strangers On TV, As You Stand Before The Multitude. And Say Cliche After Cliche After Cliche, And When It's All Over, Say, "Come On, Clap For Her, She Deserves It!"
1:2 "Ok, If You Won't Give Me Your Piano For Me, Then Do It 4 The Sake Of Music!"
1:3 If We Do Not Teach What They Cannot Achieve, Then How Will They Steal From The Blind And Give To The Deaf? Let The Deaf Fall On Blind Ears As They Stumble Down Roadways Packed With White Canes, Poking Out The Ears Of Blind Men, They Smash Thru Picket Fences As Deaf Mutes Pick Their Noses In Mute Nostril Ecstacy.
1:4 Stand Before The Multitude And Show Your Worthlessness By Salutating The Accolades Of The Present Pre-set Cliche! Go Before The Lord And Hand Him A New Bulb. Come Stand Before The Multitudes And Prove Your Stupidity, Beyond The Shadow Of Any Doubt. I Hate Preachers That Stand Around Smiling About Joy!
1:5 I Knew What Quincy Was Thinking, I Know The Doctor Aspect, I Don't Need To Go To Medical School, I've Seen Quincy Lots 'a Times! I Don't Puke'n'Faint No More, Either! You Know How I Did It? I Just Went Down To The Slaughter House And Hung Out By The Trash Everyday, and after a while, the stench of blood AND guts AND rotted flesh Became The Most Natural Thing In The World, In Fact, I Feel Kinda Queasy If I Don't Smell Death...
1:6 A Lot Of People Seem To Say, "I Really Don't Want You Operating On Me,If You Haven't Been To Medical School." "WHAT??? Come On, Man, This Is The 90's! GAAAAA, Yer fuckin' me over!!!!" I'm A Doctor Of Television Reality. I Have A Very High Quincy Frequency! Megahertz! I'm Talking About Pain, Serious Fuckin' Hospital Pain...
1:7 And Churches!... Churches That Have Bibles! I'm that, too!!!! And You Open Up The Bibles And The Pages Are Big Dollar Bill$! And There's Other Churches That Have Nothing But Chicken!.. And Other Churches, They Don't Even Have God, All They Have Is Pancakes And Amphetamines, "The Church Of Pancakes And Speed".
1:8 Casio Has Come Out With A Portable Waffle Iron And It Has A Sampler. Not To Be Outdone, Ace Hardware Has Come Out With A Bucket Of Swimming Pool Cement Including 2 Drumsticks For Banging On The Swimming Pool, Till You Get Some Drums. A Lot Of Drummers Are Switching Over To Guitars. They Take The Tomtom Off And Mount A Guitar And Hit It With The Sticks, And Those, In Turn, Trigger These Guitar Modules That Sound Just Like Drums, All Of That Comes Outta Guitar Amp, But, The Amp Is Round Like A Drum! The Stage Is Built In And From Around That, So The Round Drum Shape Is The Hole In A Giant Guitar! But, Get This, The Neck Of The Guitar Is Actually The Shaft Of An Even Bigger Drum Stick! There's More! The Tip Of The Drumstick Is Actually The Point Of A Super Giant Guitar Pick, And So On, Get The Picture?
background artwork from paintmaster Paul Klee