THIS IS:

Original YUKS that immortalize the wackiest knuckleheads who ever sailed the seas, conquered continents, and sanctified sinners through
senseless,
pointless,
but nonetheless hilarious
SLAUGHTER,
still, MONTEZUMA got his R E V E N G E!

Have you ever been riding a horse in the jungle heat in full Conquistador getup, and suddenly, like an ill wind, you shit your pants so hard, and so full, that it sprays out between the segments of your armour, and all the other Conquistadors are laughing and making jokes about the huge chunks running down your horse's sides and legs?

And you can't stop and scoop out your tin can tux cuz El Capitan sez you still got THIRTYFIVE miles in the saddle yet to go that day, over rugged, unexplored wasteland, with NO rest stops on the horizon, cuz your horizon is already
DRIPPING,
STINKING,
RUNNING,
DRYING,
CHAFFING,
RUBBING,
HAMBURGERING,
GANG GREENING,
and forming a hard, brown crust around every hole in your armour, and it itches like a motherfucker? Really? Me, too.

Q: Which Spanish Explorer was famous for being the first to drink HOT DIAHRREA, from a mug?
A:Bosco De Caca.

Q: Which Spanish Explorer was famous for being the first to take VITAMINS?
A: Once-A-Day Leon.

cactus courtesy of the amazing
Robert Tatum
photo by Bob Cox

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