THIS IS:

Original YUKS that immortalize the wackiest
knuckleheads who ever sailed the seas,
conquered continents, and sanctified sinners
through relentless, merciless,
but nonetheless hilarious
SLAUGHTER,
still, MONTEZUMA got his
R E V E N G E!

Have you ever been riding a horse in the jungle heat in
full Conquistador getup, and suddenly, like an ill wind,
you shit your pants so hard, and so full, that it sprays out
between the segments of your armour, and all the other
Conquistadors are laughing and making jokes about the huge chunks
running down your horse's sides and legs?

And you can't stop and scoop out your tin can tux cuz
El Capitan sez you still got THIRTYFIVE miles in the saddle
yet to go that day, over rugged, unexplored wasteland,
with NO rest stops on the horizon, cuz your horizon is already
DRIPPING,
STINKING,
RUNNING,
DRYING,
CHAFFING,
RUBBING,
HAMBURGERING,
GANG GREENING,
and forming a hard, brown crust around every
hole in your armour, and it itches like a motherfucker?
Really? Me, too.

Q: Which Spanish Explorer was famous for being
the first to drink HOT DIAHRREA, from a mug?
A:Bosco De Caca.

Q: Which Spanish Explorer was famous for being
the first to take VITAMINS?
A: Once-A-Day Leon.

cactus courtesy of the amazing
Robert Tatum

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