the only one you can really trust....
click me
Where's Tinky Winky?

I can't go to work. I got more important things to do, like stare at the wall, it's better than T.V., or watch with the power off, the shows are much more interesting that way, I could look out my window, and watch my neighbors smoke cigarettes, they do that constantly. In fact, that's just about all they do. They never stay up late, flailing away at the typewriter, like I do. They never type with one hand out of sheer laziness, like I do. Nope, they just light one after another, and just puff away, who cares if it causes cancer, who cares if good ol' Dad expired right before their eyes from an acute case of emphysema? Light up another, it's something to do.

I don't need anything to do. I'm tired of doing things. I just want to be entertained all the time. I want some champagne and dancing girls. I want football games and great pot. I want a writhing, naked woman before me with a pleading look. Eyebrows slightly up in the middle, almost painful looking. Undulating hips and legs that say, "You are about to have one of the most exciting times of your life."

Work is just a waste of time and laziness opportunities. Why should I go out and bust ass when I could be at home, sitting around watching the trash pile up? Nothing bores me more than some jerk with half the brains I've got, telling me to do something and questioning my ability the whole way. It sucks totally and I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore. I can't help it if I'm smarter than my boss.

It's getting to the point where I'm not compatible with any humans. The only real friends I've got are on cartoon shows. Specifically, the tiny, cuddly, cutesy characters like the Teletubbies, Barney, the Biscuits, and the Get Along Gang. They are my only true friends. Most people I know never even heard of The Biscuits, or The Get Along Gang, and that should give you an idea as to the depth of my alienation. Unless you are very tiny, with a real cute face, like Tinky Winky, I don't trust you, and I probably don't like you.

So, stay out of my way. I get nasty when I'm riled and scared. Sometimes, I overreact swiftly and effectively, with alarming venom, so, WATCH OUT, that's all I can say.

Why is life against me? Every time I try to have fun, I run headlong into big, big problems. Someday, the world is going to be sorry they ever crossed my path. Every once in a while, someone small, and insignificant comes along, and even though they seem totally innate and harmless, they end up setting wheels in motion that eventually bring the world to the brink of disaster. If I don't get more good luck and soon, I just might turn out to be one of the harbingers of doom and desolation.

So, Hear Me World, and save yourself excruciating pain. Another thing, lately I've been having terrible nightmares at night, so absurd and horrifying that I'm losing sleep. And I'm getting sick of it.

So, if the world will stop being so weird to ME, maybe I'll stop being weird to it, and I'll be able to get some rest, and then my mood will improve...

back to the top