Original sin. What is original sin? Was it the first wrong? Or maybe it was
a new innovation in evil deeds, or how about the first time something bad happened? One
day an ape was mindlessly doing whatever, and suddenly, he did something morally wrong,
and thus became the first human, the original sinner. The first guy to go to hell.
Adam told God he was tired of jacking off without anything sexy to think about for
inspiration. Adam said skip the rulebooks, because what he really wanted was some
champagne and dancing girls.
So, God, being the nice guy he likes to be, gave Adam, Eve, the first woman. Of course, he
tore his heart out by the roots trying to get a rib loose, and that was the original
marital spat. So then, later on, at the tree of carnival knowledge, Adam got into the
hard-core apple scene while Eve was rubbing the forbidden fruit and sucking on the snake
Then they both started wearing leaves they got at a fig bar cuz they realized that their
bodies weren't so hot in the sunlight as they were with the light off. This was probably
the first known dress code. That's how come men use shaving lotion in modern times, cuz
all the cavemen were ugly morons & still had to be their own right-hand men, so to
Finally, a break-through came with the innovation of large, Vegas-style shirt collars, (as
used by Elvis, Wayne Newton, and other big men), and Neanderthal man had finally begun to
score continuously with some of the smarter, Cro-Magnum set. One thing led to another, and
another, and another, and so on until, after a while, there was no room left anywhere to
sit down. It was too crowded. That was the first time having kids was getting in the way
of sex. That's why man invented War, to make room for all the stone foxes that were
strutting loose like cool fucksicles of the ice-age.
A long time ago, Adam saw Eve, and vice versa. They got it on, Bingo! The world was
overrun by mental cripples who's #1 purpose in life is to fuck & create lots more
mongoloids, to feed the machine.
That's why they call it Original Sin. It's kinda like a blueprint for bad, built in to
everything that could go wrong, and often does. Original Sin is like the Murphy's Law of
What if Jesus came down from Heaven to save the mongoloids, and instead,
they tortured him to death, "live on stage", as the say in showbiz. Then, the
mongoloid farm decided to base everything on the guy they just killed, and had an instant
smash-hit big seller called The Good Book? Or...What if some mongos with book learning
signed their existence over to a church leader, and then, moved to a concentration camp in
the jungle, and eventually ended up drinkin' cyanide koolaid with the whole congregation
going to Heaven together, at the same time?
So, now they tell me I done wrong before I was even born yet, or maybe the sin was just
being born. But, I can make up for all of my sins by:
1) remaining stupid & letting the book do my thinking for me, since I'm not qualified,
2) living in physical & mental bondage to the Mongoloid Machine, 3) paying $$$ to help
more idiots pay $$$ to help even more idiots pay $$$ until the President can balance the
budget or I become a millionaire, or both, whichever comes first. Being filthy
rich ain't no sin.