...duh.....

spoken:

One of the coolest things I've seen at sports events is when the Guys In The Mascot Costumes get in a REAL FIST FIGHT. Its so weird to think that you're seeing a real fight, because to look at them you'd think it was a cartoon. To me, it looks hilarious when the uniformed security has to separate a GIANT CHICKEN from a HUGE COWHEAD.


sung or rapped:

ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK
ASK ME IF I CAN
ASK ME IF I EVER DID
THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND

NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I
BEEN SO FUCKING BORED OR SO
ABSOLUTELY DESPERATE TO
CARE ABOUT THE SCORE OF

2 GIANT PIGS GONNA
EAT TO THE DEATH
ALL YOU CAN DRINK WITH
HOT DOG BREATH

ALCOHOL TOUCHDOWN
ALKA-HELTER-SKELTER-SELTZER
JOCKO STRAPTORIUS
GLORIOUS VICTORIOUS

PARANOIDS ON STEROIDS
THAT'S THE KIND I MUST AVOID
THINK I EVER GOT ENTERTAINED BY A
DRUNKARD'S DECOY MONGOLOID?


spoken:

Game? I'll show you a fucking game.

Score THIS, assholes!

(grabs crotch)

You can take that Super Bowl

and toss it in that OTHER BOWL,

(thumb points over shoulder)

THE SOIL IT WHILE YOU COIL IT BOWL,

(index finger pointing down, spiraling)

and hit the flush handle one time for me.

(thumb points at chest,
with the sound of flushing toilet)

You wanna play some ball?
How 'bout twice?

(index finger pointing at testicles)

Try a little "hang time" with these babies.

(mimics dangling testicles)

You wanna go for some extra points?

(two fingers held up)

Then you'll probably wanna go for this pointer,
right here!

(mimics pointing with penis)

Let me see your ASS,

its about KICKOFF time, isn't it???

(raise foot)

You're supposed to kick the ball,

not the bucket!

(draws finger across throat ear to ear)

hidden announcer:

Dr. Popeye X has just left the building.

(Sig Heil salute)

beertap by the unbelievable
Robert Tatum

LIVE FROM THE DESK OF DR. POPEYE XTITLESSANITY
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