TEXAS

These are the backwoods of Texas. They are lands of great space. The people are apart from each other. Things don't change much. These are lands of great boredom.

Stupidity Is King Here.
Prejudice is the rule.

Anything modern is seen as something from somewhere else. That's because it is from somewhere else. Folks here think it's still the 1930's. Local governments are a joke. Local industries are an even worse joke.

It will take at least 20 years to catch up to now. Most people have super low I.Q.s. Everyone here is stuck in a rut, economically and mentally.

Neighbors are stone cold idiots. Fellow employees are brain damaged. Bosses and supervisors are out and out morons. Teachers are blithering parasites.
The only way to make lots of money is real estate or drugs.

Texas is a hellhole full of scrub brush, dotted by miserable shitheads, trying in vain to get ahead.

Texas should be hit by dozens of nuclear bombs, to clean out all the foul overgrown sludge heaps that walk around in a constant stupor.

Texas is a big traffic jam of old, turquoise pickup trucks, driven by slobber dripping, smoke blowing, western dressed assholes, who apparently don't realize they are hopeless dustbags, waiting only to rot in the ground.

photo by Melinda Doster
cowskull by Barry Littleton

reader comments:
popeye-x@popeye-x.com

Frank says:
Subject: Man after my own heart
I've been all over the world, but I wouldn't live anywhere but Texas. I even liked living in Abilene! My family's been here since 1840. We probably aren't very far along on the evolutionary ladder, but I think
Tx compares well with most other places on the planet. Truth is, stupidity is universal, and not peculiar to any particular locale. I miss the days when Tx truly was a backward place with fewer people and lots of open spaces free of development. Most of the things you cite are plusses in my book. Check out www.spreadeagleranch.com

Dr. Popeye X comments:
Alright, a REAL Texan. Frank, I want to say "thank you" for not being one of these whining yankees about my rather negative (positive to you) comments. Real Texans don't whine.

Jim says:
Subject: Texas Rules!
You have surely never been to Houston, Dallas, or Austin,or you would not be putting this bullshit on the web. Texas is one of most progressive states in America, thats why everybody's moving here, even losers like you.

Dr. Popeye X replies:
I can prove my loyalty to Texas,
read ALCOHOLICS WITH NAILGUNS http://www.popeye-x.com/alkynail.htm . Also, apparently I pissed you off so much, you missed the secret page, THIS IS TEXAS!, linked by the phrase, "Predjudice Is The Rule." Here's the URL, http://www.popeye-x.com/texas2.htm . I apologize if my comments about Texas pissed you off, but you see, I've lived in Dallas, Houston, Austin, Corpus Christi, Dripping Springs, and San Antonio since 1952, that's when I was BORN IN TEXAS. But all these facts are irrelevant. You said to me, "You would not be putting this bullshit on the web..." Wait a second... I would not be putting this bullshit on the web? Me? Dr. Popeye X? Dr. Popeye X would "not be putting bullshit on the web"? You better check The Toiletside Reader again, my friend, you may find ample evidence to the contrary. In fact, if you, or anyone, can find somewhere I DIDN'T put "bullshit on the web", please point it out to me, I must edit that back in immediately.

POJ says:
Subject: The United State Of Texas
I guess none of your readers have ever considered the fact that some of us loyal Texans are so Texas, that we even jack-off on Texas bluebonnets. Tell them to sniff that.

POJ adds:
P.S. And I mean jacking plum off. Just foller that road, till it plays out.

Marshall says:
MR. POPEYE X, I think you should be casterated, tarred then feathered, burned at the stake, flogged, keel hulled, decapitated, drawn and quartered, scalped, sodomised, then dragged behind a grey hound bus to some where far away from TEXAS!

Dr. Popeye X comments:
You can't take the X out of Texas, that's State Law.

Doc says:
It's "castrated". "Casterated" is when your penis is so elephantine, like Dr. Popeye-X's and mine, that you have to attach wheels to it just to get around.

Dr. Popeye X comments:
I thought that was called "training wheels". Actually, I also employ a little parachute like the Shuttle.

Mike says:
The sad thing about you being such a fucking nut is, I can relate to most of your bullshit.

Dr. Popeye X comments:
There's that word again. Here is a guy who understands what's going down. He calls it what it is, because he knows why its "supposed" to be there in the first place. He's not whining that I should stop doing it. I like that attitude.

Rick says:
Subject: fan mail - I guess
Hey Kurt, just checkin the site and thought i'd say hi and tell you just how cool you are. been reading your stuff and have come to the conclusion that you are a very twisted individual :) - but something compells me and i must read on - btw - your site needs a letters to Dr. Popeye X column - just a thought.

Dr. Popeye X comments:
Four great ideas in a row, Rick! I agree with all of them, especially the part about how cool I am.

Bart submits:
Subject - Texas has it all
Dear Mr. Popeye-X, You are totally correctomundo. Texas truly has it all. From the Rio Grande to the Panhandle. From the Guadalupe Mountains to the Gulf Coast. From blatant disdain for public education to the one true religion of high school football. From Miss Ann Richards' wrinkles to Farrah Fawcett's mouth (gawd, what a set of incisors, I'd give everything up just to run my tongue over 'em at high noon on Main Street in Houston). From the Alamo to the Alamodome. From John Hagee to Kurt Otto. From Whataburger to Jim's coffee shop ("If you see a roach, KILL the damn thang. Nobody, likes to see a roach while they're eatin'" the Prophet Jim Hasslocher to his wait staff -- Don Evans can stand witness to these Words from the Holy Father of San Antonio Fast Food). From sucking oil out of the ground in the Permian Basin to puking in the toilet at the Texaco down the street. Texas just damn has it all. Most notable is Davey fucking Crockett's fucking cap--made in China, only $11.99. And if its surrealism you want, forget Waiting for Godot and let your mind rattle on waiting for George W.

Dr. Popeye X agrees:
For a second there, because of the "From the... ", I thought you were going to break into the Woody Guthrie classic, "This Land Is Your Land... ". If you sing your post to that tune, its actually works out pretty well. Your various points cracked me up, and I loved the John Hagee analogy! He's got the biggest mouth in the Alamo City, even bigger than Avery Johnson (my real hero, next to Don Evans, of course.)

TEXAS
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