I've been saying X-Files is the New Quincy. The other day, a guy on there said, "Who am I, Quincy?" I said, "Yes! That's exactly who you are!" Its like a Cagney and Lacy Quincy, with a guy for one of the female Quincys. - Dr. Popeye X, 1999


Part 1 - 1984
One character that I can't fucking stand is Bosley, on Charlie's Angels. I hate that motherfucker.
Another character that makes me ill, is the housekeeper on the Brady Bunch. I hate that woman.
I hate Starsky and Hutch, the Waltons, and Quincy. I hate the Love Boat. I hate it.
I hate Dallas, (the program), Yellow Rose, and Knothead's Landing, and don't forget Falcon Crest, and Dynasty.
I HATE them all.
I hate Richard Simmons. He's a faggot. I'd hate him, even if he wasn't.
I really HATE the fucking A-Team. I hate Mr. T. That's one fool I don't mind hating one bit.
I hate Three's Company, because it blows bloated goat carcass, that's all.
I hate Marcus fucking Welby, naturally.
I hate TV plots that kiss ass to the status quo, like Kojak, Baretta, and Dragnet.
They all suck
raw dog dildo.
I hate the Mandrell sisters. They're ugly, and they can't sing.

Part 2 - 1988

I hate Rick and A.J. I mean, they're OK, I just hate the sound of the phrase, Rick and A.J. You know, on Simon and Simon. The brothers. Rick and A.J. I find the sound of those names very depressing.
To me, the most nauseating show on today is Knight Rider. The guy called Michael Knight is just too good looking. It's ridiculous cuz nobody with that good of a car could be good looking as well. That's just too lucky. All the guys I know who have great cars look like shit. Really! His car is great, he looks great, he always comes out on top, . . .I'm sorry, that's just too fakey. He's tall, he's smart, he's beautiful, he wears cool looking hip leather clothes, his car is a genius, it can fly, talk, and think, the list goes on. I have no problem hating Knight Rider's guts.
I hate going for the Olympic gold. I hate going for the gold. I hate official potato chips of the Olympics. I hate official beer, bluejeans, tennis shoes, ball point pens, breakfast cereal, sunglasses, rental cars, hotels, etc. It's a load of gold shit. I hate 14 hrs. a day of Olympic going for the gold programming, stopping only for news and soap operas. I hate the sight of 90,000 spectators jammed in the grand-stands, in seats paid for with Olympic gold. I hate watching an endless supply of intoxicated alcoholics cheering on and on as if they had anything to do with the victories going on, on the field or television. But most of all, I hate hearing newscasters repeating endlessly the phrase, "going for the gold". It makes me want to go for the toilet, so I can throw up gold, Olympic gold.

Part 3 - 1996

Anybody who knows me will tell you, plus I'll fess up to it myself, up front, let's face it, I watch some pretty Disgusting Drivel on the tube. I watch Christian Shows, just to laugh at the gaudiness and the awkward egomania, its entertaining to me. I can watch OJ Trial stuff for days and stay interested. I watch knitting shows with crazy old ladies on a princess roll, doing their final debutante performance, wearing their same princess formal sexy dress, and smiling weird freshly implanted false teeth, showing thru strain-stretched facelifted superRED lips, and bless their hearts, I like 'em. More power to 'em, I say, they've certainly earned the right thru sheer experience to go on TV and do whatever the fuck they please, and even though I watch 'em just cuz they blow my mind, I support their right to do whatever I can't personally stop them from doing.
That's what I WILL watch.
Here's what I WON'T watch:
so called GOOD shows like,
Doogie Houser - I don't believe its actually a real show on TV, and I HATE that DX7!
Charles In Charge - I'm not even gonna comment on this one, except to say the theme song is horrid, absolutely horrid, hearing it causes temporary insanity in my head.
Family Matters - I'd rather die than ever see a whole episode, although they do have remarkable "destruction" scenes every once in a while. (see Urkel Discussion Page for Dr. Popeye X commentary)
Full House - No fucking way.
ER - What the fuck is that supposed to be? thanks.
What's that Knight Rider guy's new show? The one with all the T&A. You know, the most popular show on Earth, Baywatch? or something like that? FUCK THAT SHIT.
Give me Robert Tilton or Jimmy Swaggart reruns, THAT, I can take. I can watch ANY Christian Show (the standard for amazing boredom), EXCEPT Benny Motherfucking Hinn. I'm tough, but not that tough.
Man, now I dig Charlie's Angels, CHiPs, Flipper, Quincy, Hunter, all the real shit shows I used to hate. But, I do not dig Star Trek (any generation), Grammy Awards, or awards of any kind, Comedy Improvs, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jenny Jones, Oprah, ETC.
I'm even starting to avoid my main man, one of the few examples of my idea of a REAL MAN ON TV, Montel Motherfucking Williams. He can only BUY so many White Suckers out of their problems before I have to puke.
Watched the premier of Sliders, felt the twinge of latent boredom, waiting to burst forth in upcoming episodes. Didn't have to wait long. It was there, between the lines, I could smell it coming a mile away.
What ever happened to good ol' WAR movies? What ever happened to good ol' WAR documentaries, like the 16mm color films of The Cleanup After The Battle Of Iwo Jima? (GROSS! Look at them chunks! 33,000 dead guys, stacked on palettes. ) The Love Boat Clones can't even touch that for SHEER ENTERTAINMENT.
All these pathetic Californian TV show corporations should give ME their equipment and get out of the business of entertainment, they've wasted enough time already, and I really HATE that a lot.

Part 4 - 1998

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk, Hollywood is so good!!! Oh, what marvelous talents they have! I feel so...entertained!

Oh, its Dick Van Dyke as a
Meddling, Crime Solving Doctor!
Lookout, Angela Landsbury!

Oh, its Jack Klughman as a
Meddling, Crime Solving Doctor!
Lookout Peter Falk!

Oh, its Parnell Roberts as a
Meddling, Crime Solving Doctor!
Lookout Jack Lord!

So many yuks to be had, and the pretty girls!!!
Oh, its Jane Seymore as a Meddling, Crime Solving Doctor!
Lookout Bonnie Franklin!

Oh, its David Hasslehoff as a
Meddling, Crime Solving LIFEGUARD!!!
Hey, that's really different!
Lookout Eric Estrada!

One thing for sure, they're all nice people! I sure am glad none of them were ASSHOLES, I wouldn't be entertained at all if they were. I'm glad they were so morally correct, it restores my faith in humanity for me, AND, it leaves me in an upbeat mood! Hollywood is so considerate of my feelings, they would never make a show that would OFFEND me, oh, NEVER!



Self "eye" photo by
Barry Kent Littleton.
I found this slide laying on the ground at his abandoned house, four years after he died.