Today, Lungy was nearly killed by an angry mob at an Abortion Sniper Swap Meet. It seems he was caught in the kiddie section with his pants down, furiously humping the stuffing out of a mutilated Tinky Winky doll. Although they severely beat him within an inch of his life, he managed to escape, quickly scurrying into a drainpipe just about the time  his Yellow Ryder Truck  "went off", vaporizing an entire strip mall in an earth shattering flash of energy, taking the entire Swap Meet with it.

Recently, it has been rumored that Lungy has been going thru a lot of unfair psychological stress lately. What with the FUCK YOU, LUNGY! BANQUET being held by local Jaycees, and the WHO KILLED THE MOST BABIES, YOU OR US? award from Abortion Mill Magazine, it’s no wonder the L-Man is getting bummed.

Why is everybody always Picking On Lungy? Remember that Anti-Celebrity Roast, where they took that homeless wino prisoner? They painted "Koresh" on his forehead, duct taped him to a clothesline pole, doused him with gasoline, and torched him, just for kicks a la Jasper, Tx. That's the kind of public reaction that makes even a hardened killer like Lungy very nervous.

Next week, the St. Chickenshit Church of Total Cowardice is throwing their annual LUNGY BASH, which will include a Carnival with a real Glory Hole, and a Chili Bunker Cookoff. Last year, this reporter attended that sordid affair. The "chili cookoff" turned out to be a scheme to lower the effluent level in the church septic tank with a Carne Ca-ca-da Taco Booth. And the "carnival" consisted of nothing more than a row of dirty books followed by a large cardboard box with the word "GLORY" painted over a hole in front. Now, nobody knows for sure who's inside the box, and there's only one sure fire way to find out. Strange church!

With Lungymania sweeping the world wide web, it’s no surprise a lot of businesses are jumping on the Lungy bandwagon: Lungy Body Bags, Lungy Debris Sifters, Lungy Cadaver Location Teams, and Lungy Body Count Calculators. Opening this week is the Texas Department Of Corrections, Lungy Death Row Unit. It is rumored that Lungy himself has a room in the sprawling complex. He's so famous and influential, the WWW is choked with a plethora of Lungy related websites. Lungy may have murdered a lot of innocent people for his own political delusions, but nobody gives him credit for all the people he missed, even if it was by accident. They lived didn't they? Lungy's quaint human imperfections gave them a new chance on life, but they would rather hassle Lungy about his political naiveté.

And now, an editorial from the news desk:
THE LUNGY CONNECTION:
Lungy and the Mexican Mafia-Pt. 3
Who is this man who kills so fast? Some call him "El Pollo Cowardito" Some call him "El Sociopathico Diablo". Either way, to us, that spells one thing, and that’s
T-E-R-M-I-N-A-T-E
T-H-A-T
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
O-N
S-I-G-H-T!!
When asked about his Mexican Mafia connections, Lungy thought twice and replied, "Hey, I’m in the White Supremacist Christian Militia now."

Well, that about wraps it up for another informative issue of the best newsletter about Lungy to ever happen! We regret that Lungy was recently awarded the death penalty by an an Okie jury, even though we feel he more than deserves it, our concern is that his execution will throw a big monkey wrench into the concept of the Talkin' Bout Lungy Newsletter. The editorial staff is working on a contingency plan, to see if maybe having a newsletter based on
A GOVERNMENT TRAINED,
POLITICALLY INSANE,
SOCIOPATHIC MURDERING COWARD
might not be such a great idea after all.
  Signing Off!

back to the top